Anal Fissure Support Forum

[healthybutt]

Today I had a little harder than usual BM, most likely due to dehydration and eating too many gd pretzels at work. Anyway, i felt a little scrapy feelign but no pain afterwards...then later in the day had to go again and felt a little stinging scrapy feeling. No blood either times.

Hmph.

Gonna remember to stay hydrated, stay away from dry pretzely low fiber cracker type of food (oily, fatty junk foods like cookies and brownies seem to be fine with my butt...so i tend to eat those with gusto whenever they are around my workplace...hard to kick that habit)...

Also going to use my bottoms up butt lozenge rather than the cocoa butter suppositories i made...i think the bottoms up balm is more soothing.

I am happy I am getting a pretty decent bristol scale 4 again -- nothing as big as when i bulked on fiber (before the infamous re-tear of Dec 4!) but consistent and not a puddle of brown when i flush. gross. lol.

[healthybutt]

I felt it today -- like a minor cut or tearing feeling, but not a full on fissure. More like the alarm bells started going off that if the poop proceeded at its current size and speed it would result in a tear. I was able to maneuver my sphincter and avoid a full on fissure. Felt a little sore and stung a little (oddly, it stung in the spot where I didnt feel the little tear feeling -- go figure) -- but again no blood. The BM was soft, but bulky, and I again recall the dangers of eating too much fiber and not taking enough magnesium (and water) to compensate...oh and probably eating pizza (and more gd pretzels!) yesterday didnt help. needless to say i am going to up the magnesium to 800 and eat more veggies and fruits. Nuts and dried fruits seem to help -- i remember people on this site avoiding nuts and seeds, but those seem to be fine by my butt. Dried mango also ok.

Knowing that I will always be at risk for re-tearing, and thats just how my "tighter side of normal" ass is, I no longer feel super emotional about minor discomfort like this one. It's just a shitty fact of daily life (literally!) However I am going to use my nitroglycerin ointment as it should still be effective should any skin have really broken.

Also in almost everyone's journal's, they go thru this minor scraping / minor tearing phase as they are healing (if they havent had LIS or other surgeries) and it seems par for the course.

Oddly my mom seems to get fissures too, but hers seem quite minor -- she says she sees blood on the tp and slight pain, then the next day nothing. I must have inherited my tight ass from her, as I used to have the same thing happen once in a while (until a year ago when i got one that wouldnt go away for weeks)

well, butt update completed. back to work!

[healthybutt]

I figured out some of recent issues may be due to PMS -- as this time of the month tends to be slightly constipating. Oh, biology!

Last night I used my nitroglyc cream. No headache. Also used my bottoms up balm over night, then this am popped in one of my cocoa butter/coconut oil/calendula oil suppositories. On a side note, I found out there is such a thing as "BUTT FREEZE," which is like brain freeze, but in your butt after you insert a frozen suppository (my note to self to put the supps in the fridge went unread apparently). It was probably one of the funniest things that this "condition" has produced -- ah, butt freeze! also i found out that suppositories need to reach a certain length for easy insertion because of the musculature down there. my anal canal isnt really a pneumatic tube.

i have digressed -- so i popped in the supp this am, went to work (these supps are great, no leakage), and felt slightly constip ... i usually have a BM before 7 these days, sometimes at 6, right when i wake up -- but because PMS probably things are a little backed up. Get to work, decide to drink a few sips of coffee to get things moving. 8:00 -- running to the bathroom to unleash the beast! It was so smooth, thanks to the 800 mg of Mg from last night but i think also the supp really had a nice lubing effect. No sting or scrape -- I think the minor irritation yesterday was just that, I didnt retear, or I know I would have felt it because the BM still had a little body to it. Woo!

Ok I need to get to work.

[healthybutt]

no, it's not "love and other demons," but "coffee and other dehydrators."

i can attest that dehydration really firms things up. coffee plus not drinking enough water plus taking dog for a 1.5 hr walk. yep!

that's today's observation. a reminder to be careful when i drink coffee and dont drink enough water thruout the day.

[healthybutt]

i am not talking about outer space movie dramas, but about poop coming out of my butthole.

picture it: work bathroom stall, 2017...

anyway so about an hour ago ( 9 am ) I realized i hadnt had a BM yet, and was mildly concerned since usually I exorcise the demons by 8. But this has happened before without drama, but I tend to not be thirsty in the AM and therefore do not drink a lot...in fact I notice that I generally dont have to relieve myself for 3-4 hours after I go when I wake up -- so this is prime dehydration time I guess. (Although, I am really not thirsty...my body is probably still waking up or something). I forced myself to drink more water and I ate a few coffee beans. About 15 minutes later I find myself in the bathroom stall, already knowing this was going to be a little more...eventful than my usual trips to the bathroom. Of course, there was someone else in a stall 3 doors down, but I was not going to hold this one in and risk the build up. So I sat there, and I could tell it wasnt as soft as usual and a little bulkier. I felt it fill my anal passage and actualyl felt a little sharp pain, like the poop was poking at my old fissure scar, taunting it. That was very brief and I tried to assume a squat position, which really does help because GRAVITY! it worked better than the ass cheek shaking I used to do with such vigor and desperation in pre-squatty potty days. (I did try that, but it wasnt helpful and also might sound like i needed help -- awkward in public). I was pretty sure I was going to tear something, but there was really nothing I could do except like nature/gravity take its course. It did -- without pain and with resounding PLOP! PLOP! and then a la few more as things inevitably softened on the tail end. I wiped -- no blood. I felt a little discomfort after, walking back to my office, wondering what this all meant, not even daring to ponder anything meaningful beyond that.

So what happened -- what had it all meant? 1) The residence time of this poop was roughly 17.5 hrs -- not that long in my opinion -- I've gone nearly a day without it. I had eaten pretty well too -- a lot of fiber, lots of fruits, lots of olive oil with the tapenade I got from costco, guacamole, etc -- so it wasnt diet 2) could it have been the green tea? no, i had only a cup and i've green tea'd it before without incident 3) i took only 650 mg of magnesium last night -- perhaps the threshold is in fact 700 mg?

Yep, I chanced it. I was trying to taper down on magnesium, the way you do with antidepressants and pain meds over time. Well well. But note that it's only the initial part that's relatively firmer and bulkier -- the rest just slides out and goes to a 5 on the bristol scale (plop plop plop plop!). Which means that yes the magnesium at 650 mg is still having an effect, just not softening the whole thing. perhaps this has to do when i take the mag -- i take it around 9 pm every night, maybe that is too late to soften the stuff that's already waiting to come out in the morning. who knows.

i was thinking of how girth-y some of post-fissure poops had been when i was taking fiber sups and how it was fine until a tear, so I know i shouldnt do the increase mag and increase fiber thing i tried before, altho it is tempting because i do feel like my butthole just doesnt expand as much as it used to. this shouldnt concern me really all that much. seriously. bigger things to worry about i guess. but why, why, whenever there is any pain i wonder if i am doing it all wrong. tonight i am definitely going to make and insert a butt lozenge and include more tamanu oil. i really do think it does help lube and soften things too. i am probably going to go back up to 700 mg, avoid fiber supps and playing with fire in general.

hooray, butts!

[healthybutt]

so to continue with the pain i felt the other day --

that day i took 700 mg of mag. i was properly hydrated, altho i did drink tea, but not much, that day. i had gone at some point in the afternoon so i didnt need to supp it up.

well, so the next morning around 8 or so duty called. and again, pain! i felt it inside -- like my BM tip was stabbing my anal canal tissues. it wasnt terrible, just a brief sharp jab feeling. then i remembered to relax and get in my gravity pose, but i did do a lot f shaking which helps. i have to remember NOT to push, as it hink this is what saved me for a full on tear. and indeed, there was no blood or pain really, some discomfort though.

perhaps it's my diet. ok. possibly too much fiber and not enough liquid? so i took 800 mg of magnesium last night and suppositoried it as i wasnt taking any chances. so at around 9 i do this, then about 5 minute slater already feel the urge. go to the bathroom. feel 2 things slide out. ploop plop nothing more. ok i guess thats it. i take a look in teh toilet and am puzzled as i only see one little ploplet of poop -- where did the other one go? and then i see it -- the intact glycerin suppository! hahaha~! i guess 5 minutes is not long enough for it to melt. it's just funny that i shat it out. anyway, so i took a shower. i daresay my ass felt a little swollen in the shower and there was a bit of soreness sticking the supp in there to begin with. after shower i pout my old nitro oitnment on just to see -- no headache, dont think it's very effective as it was opened over 2 months ago now. oh well!

this morning i remembered to drink a lot of water, like a pint, and also stuck my cocoa butter/calendula suppository up there before i headed to work. get to work adnd i immediately have to go, around 7:30. rush to bathroom. the butter comes out and then woosh, the bm slides right ought, it's poop luge! the poop wasnt really as soft as i imagined it would be after the 800 mg, but it wasnt bulky, it was probably a solid 4. anyway, the best part about all this is that my poop smelled like cocoa butter

then i got the shits. i w2onder if its from handling my dogs meaty dog treats as i cant think of anything i ate that would give me stomach ache and the squirts. so the rest of whatever was in there came out too.

finally at 3:45 nature called again and it was pretty runny, like youd expect from 800mg.

Some takeways: 1. for me, dehydration is probably the number one cause of re-tears. regardless of whether i eat fruits and veggies all day, if i am dehydrated the poop isnt very forgiving. 2. another: i might start taking the magnesium earlier -- as i have noticed it seems to have an effect later on in the day and even within mornign BM -- the dreaded plug and then softer. perhaps if i took mg at around 5 pm instead of 9 it would make a difference? who knows. 3. if i at various times throughout the day and dont skip dinner, i poop more often than if i just eat lunch. i skip dinner a lot or eat fruits and nuts on weekends as i am usually not that hungry (i snack at work for 8 hrs) and it just saves a lot of time, energy, and money not doing dinner. but on weekends and when i was in LA and eating whenever, the poops were 3-4 times a day at least, not just 1 or 2. 4. cocoa butter supps about 30 minutes before a BM does a nice job of lubing. will probably use them more regularly in the morning.

[healthybutt]

I was watching Ali Wong's netflix special Baby Cobra a few days ago. At the time it was filmed (last year?) she was in her early 30s and while she didnt talk about fissures (now THAT would be something), she talked about how she could tell she was aging. It's surprising because I never felt that way until...wait for it...I got this fissure at the ripe old age of 36. Last spring was when I realized my body was not going to just plateau, but it was going to lose stuff. I had lost some weight -- not all fat -- probably some muscle. In general I can tell I am not as strong, not as flexible, and dont have as much endurance (mentally or physically) as I did just a few years ago. Yes, 36 is the year that I definitely FELT it in my body and somewhat in my brain. At 32 I felt the same as I did at 22, altho I couldnt handle back to back all nighters any more. I dont yearn for all that youth -- I simply have to preserve and protect my body, what's left, like it's a national wildlife refuge or national park. let's go with refuge.

anyway, so the ali wong thing -- she noted that her p***y was less moist than it was when she was in her 20s. And then I remembered one of my theories -- that perhaps the butt tissues were not as "lube-y" as they had once been. Granted, it's not supposed to be anything like a wet p***y, because if it was then that might be kind of gross depending on HOW wet (e.g. dripping versus pleasantly moist), but in general maybe it is just drier than it was before. In my mid 30s i also notice my skin feels drier -- I dont feel like I have that dewy look anymore even tho I drink more water than I did in my 20s (it seems). I use lotion more frequently and the skin does feel drier and doesnt heal as fast. Basically healing and regeneration speeds have slowed down, and probably moisture has decreased (which may be part of the reason healing speeds have decreased). Combine that with a rock hard poop and DISASTER. Well to be fair the BMs were never rock hard, but hard enough to slice my butt open. I'd like James Comey to have opened an investigation on this whole matter, but he was fired before I even thought of it (i.e. just now).

also in my mid 30s i understand why people do yoga asana and why sitting at a desk/computer for work 9 hrs a day can really cause many things in the body to atrophy. I attribute my decline to the job more than age, I think. Well, whatever, back to protection. Restoration seems a little silly, if not impossible, altho the Telomere book suggests otherwise! Go telomeres!

Interestingly, I dont have white hair. My sister already had a noticeable amount of white hair at 36, and now at 38 she has even more. I have found a white hair maybe once a year since I was 27 or so. I think the most I found was at age 27, where I remember I had 3 hairs and kept them because I thought they were really cool and special and they reminded me to floss. It's kind of funny that's the most I found ever, at age 27, considering how relatively stress free my life was then. Holy shit I am old.

[healthybutt]

3-4 days ago I started taking metamucil (glorified psyllium husk). For whatever reason, my body likes metamucil over the psyllium capsules I got at costco that literally ripped me a new one. Ok, it actually ripped the old one. I'm not sure why the metamucil seems to work better -- maybe the additives make it more gentle or something. I still recall the naturopath calling psyllium "rough", maybe the ones in the capsules are not ground down as fine and smooth as the metamucil powder.

Anyway, I have been using mm 2 x a day, once in the a.m. and once in the p.m., about 3/4 tsp dose to start off because I am still wary. So far, things have been good and there hasnt been a noticeable difference except things feel smoother/cleaner coming out. i am still scared to "leave it in" before bed if I havent gone since morning, so that is probably the final hurdle: to stop taking suppositories if i dont shit after noon. Life goals.

[healthybutt]

When this all started a little over a year ago, I rarely used suppositories. Now I almost panic if I think I have forgotten to use one if I fail to have a BM after noon (the post-12 o'clock shit or suppository showdown). I was scared to take them daily, thinking maybe they would damage something up there, like nerve damage or something that would eventually lead to some other terrible condition of the asshole. Well, some deep and critical thinking, and some passing knowledge from a a book I read last month, have made it obvious to me that glycerin suppositories are safe to use daily, if not more often, because:

1. Glycerin is found in water-based lube. I dont know why I was looking up lube, oh I was thinking about a vaginal cocoa butter suppository (i.e. using my cocoa butter butt supps as vag supps) and then lo and behold I read that glycerin is used as lube. Well now. What do people use lube for? Getting the orifices nice and wet! And some people do this a lot, even multiple times a day, and their buttholes are probably fine!
2. In the book Waking by M. Sanford, a paraplegic yoga instructor, Sanford's doctor told him he could either use a suppository or digital stimulation to have a predictable BM. And that would be daily use of a suppository right there. WOuld a doc recommend he use a supp daily if it would lead to further problems? Probably not.
3. I dont know. Glycerin seems kind of benign compared to other things people stick up butts. That doesnt necessarily mean it's safer, but when you think about it, it's pretty gentle.
4. When I see my PCP in July or August I will ask her point blank if this is the case. I know miralax is safe to take daily, but I prefer magnesium, which is also safe to take in relatively high doses (still doing the 700 mg)

So basically I am trying to say to myself: Look, it's okay if thats what you have to do to manage this. You can accept that this is just how you have to handle things if you dont take a dump after noon. It isnt a big deal and dont feel like your ass is failing you if you have to do this for the next 40 years or whatever.

Do the math on that -- 40 * 365.25 = 14,610 suppositories. Good lord! Ok, truth be known, I maybe only use them 3-4 x/ week depending on whether i eat dinner. Still, thats a lot of glycerin suppositories. Just imagining them in a huge heap -- like those piles of dirt you see on the side of highways as you drive by some industrial site.

[healthybutt]

I was just thinking early today that it's been 4 months since the minor fizz in March and wow over 7 months since the last bad fizz.

Things were going well. I had it all worked out between magnesium (600-700mg every evening), metamucil ( tsp every morning and tsp every afternoon/evening), and suppositories as needed.

Then, I didnt take metamucil for over 2.5 days. No biggie.

Then, I ate a pint of tomato sauce that I had made on my own, forgetting about the last time when I did this and it burned my butt.

Also, I was a bit dehyrdated today from the walk -- in fact I realize when I got home I got distracted and was probably mildly dehdryated all evening.

But I had already pooped at around 10 or 11 this morning so I didnt think I needed to worry. I was annoyed that I felt it was incomplete (mostly because someone came in the bathroom and i froze up!) but forgot about it...

So anyway put the suppository in about 10:30pm, thinking it's been about 12 things shouldnt be that interesting. When I stick the supp in, I dont use as much vaseline and it's kind of difficult to get in there. Warning sign that things might be a little dry. No biggie. About 10 minutes later I'm running to the toilet. And then I feel it -- that kind of poky painful jab feeling, like the poop is hitting the walls looking for a way out. Ok, no sweat. I try everything possible to avoid a fissure -- wont go into detail. I just didnt get why things felt so slow and bulky, and after i passed the first "hurdle" things didnt seem crazy in the toilet -- there was no super hard or large looking poop in there, altho one ploplet did seem pretty formed. Anyway, the next wave that hits is pure burn and I realize it's from all the tomatoes.

Why did I eat so many tomatoes?

Going on a supposedly healthy diet with some restrictions and not having a diverse enough diet, I supposed.

So I am scared about tomorrow. At 5:20 I had taken metamucil, altho this wouldnt have affected what just happened. I had already taken my magnesium (700 mg) then out of terror took an additional 150mg. That should soften things up enough, I reckon. I didnt want flat out water-poo because this would irritate things a bit much.

I took a shower after all this which doubled as a sitz. Poking around back there, I didnt notice any pain or even discomfort. However when I got out of shower I felt it more. I put in a butt lozenge which pretty much melted all over my butthole and then rememebred the nitroglycerin ointment that was expired but might offer some relief.

THings still feel pretty sensitive. I may have had a minor scratch. I couldnt tell if there was blood on the TP because things were kind of orange-ish -- obviously if it were bad I would have seen the tell tale signs (dark red blood)

i need to get to bed. i feel doomed right now. remember the body is suffering, etc etc. but really what i would like is for my butt not to hurt. i'd give a couple years of my life (like, life in my 70s, not right now) just to be able to poop in peace again