I have been reading this site for a while but haven’t had the courage to post. I am so embarrassed by this problem and terrified someone will find out who I am. I have been suffering from an anal fissure since December 2016 - 11 months ago. I am in my early 40’s, a wife, a mother to two tween girls, and had a happy and healthy, active lifestyle prior to this. I was in good shape and had a what I thought was great diet. I am not sure what caused my fissure, but my guess is that for years I had tried to cut out most grains due to the carb and/or sugar content, and therefore wasn’t getting the fiber I needed. I would never have eaten cereal, whole grain bread, a Fiber One bar, etc.
In any event, I had a delay in my diagnosis as my GP thought it was hemorrhoids and by the time I finally got to a CRS and got a diagnosis, a couple months had passed and my fissure was chronic, which I attribute to not having the right medication. It has now been 11 months.
Things have gotten a little better while I am actually going to the bathroom, but the agonizing pain of spasms continues for hours afterward. It is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I have had a terrible back injury from a car accident, broken bones, birthed two children, etc. and I have never felt anything like this. The spasms are definitely made worse by walking or standing, and especially by pushing a grocery cart or lifting things. I am a stay at home mom and I cannot take care of my family. I am the one who has to shop, cook, clean, etc. so that my husband can work, travel for work, and support us. Not being able to take care of my family is a nightmare. I am ridden with guilt that the girls don’t have what they need or the house isn’t clean. I miss having fun with my kids and of course I haven’t been intimate with my husband in ages. I have no social life because I feel too baldy to go to lunch or see friends but I can’t tell them why. I fear I will end up losing all my friendships. I have gained weight as I haven’t been able to exercise for almost a year. I finally tried to go back and I think I may have made things worse doing squats at the gym.
I have tried everything under the sun in terms of treatment. Nothing seems to help. Did all the natural stuff- site bath, fiber, coconut oil. Saw a pelvic floor PT. In terms of prescriptions, the nitro did absolutely nothing. The only thing that has brought me any relief whatsoever is Valium - oral (maybe 3 Rx in 11 months) and suppository (1 Rx). My doctor is treating me like a drug addict and refuses to give me anymore Valium or anything for pain. He hasn’t suggested any other medications or treatment other than surgery. Recovery from surgery would make it impossible to care for my family so that’s the last thing I want to do. I did make an appointment with another doctor and will see him the day after tomorrow.
I do get better from time to time but it always comes back. I think having a short taste of a normal life might make the returning agonizing pain even worse.
I am at my absolute wit’s end. I truly can’t take this anymore. I just want to crawl up and cry for days. But I can’t, because I’m a mom and we don’t get sick time. I am not even sure why I am posting this. Maybe for advice of other treatments or medications or maybe just to know that others understand and I am not alone. Or maybe, to hear there’s hope out there that I might some day return to a normal, pain free life. Either way, thank you for listening!