Volans,
This is my previous advice that i gave to Sandman in September.
First, don't be afraid.
Second, use pediatric dilators and start with the very smallest for short periods of time. Build up the time you leave it in gradually.
Third, used Sliquid Organics Natural Gel or Soothe as lubricants. Both are excellent and also very slippery and have good things in them.
Fourth: warm the dilators under running water and just relax when you use them. For me the best position was on all fours, head to the ground. Lying on side is more usual.
Dilators: Just get the ones you need. I started with 8mm and went up to 15mm eventually. These are pediatric dilators, and even in Canada you should be able to ask for them. They use them after surgery on young children.
I used these pediatric dilators:
http://ssp-inc.com/products/pediatric-p ... -dilators/I varied between Sliquid for anal use (mostly used this):
http://sliquid.com/full-width/sliquid-o ... tural-gel/...and...
Soothe: http://www.intimateorganics.com/store/p17/SOOTHE_ANAL_ANTI-BACTERIAL_GLIDE_-_GUAVA_BARK_-_60ml%2F2oz.html
I used both of these lubricants and they are excellent in my opinion. I tried KY jelly and I hated it. Never used Vaseline, as per doctor's advice.
I worked at this for a year. It is hard work to be moderately pain free (very pain free in comparison to how I was). I also use a Sitz bath, each time I poop!!
I hope this helps you. Best advice I can offer.
Sav