I wish I knew this forum existed sooner! I have felt so isolated for so long, knowing there is a space like this to share and get advice makes me feel less alone.

I've been suffering from fissures for about 3 years now. I've tried everything the doctor prescribed and had a LIS. Over all, my BM have been manageable, so i am grateful for that.

But, as a gay (bottom) male, its been a complete disaster, i've not be able to bottom in 3 years and i've lost many many guy, and even some who I saw as longterm potential, because of it. This is issue has caused my self-confidence to down the drain and mentally distraught with the thought i'll never btw again, 1: because i loved doing it so much, but 2: not finding a guy who would accept this condition, so equating a life of celibacy and solitude (i know, i'm being over dramatic, but the thought still haunts me). I think there have been studies done about how sex has a positive effect mentally and over all happiness in ones life.

I've tried "loosening" myself, but anything larger (dildo, butt plug) than a finger, i feel this sharp sharp pain, always in the same spot and then my BM start bleeding, and i'm like Ughh... not again.

This post is two things, this is the first time i've share this story with anyone, i am so embarrassed and ashamed i've not talked about it, except with my doctors. and 2nd, any advice? I'll try anything, I'm even contemplating a another surgery...


Thanks! Again, I'm so thankfully finding this forum and even just being able to share my story.

Key is not to think about it or at least try. I had 6 operations already - my condition led me to mental institution and darkest thoughts. Thank god for my family who helped me through this.
I understand its hard for you being the submissive party - cant you change to active/top guy?
What also helped me through this is that Im working 12 hours a day - thoughts of my job keep me occupied with something else and not focusing on the fissure all the time. This is a key factor.