Darn it. I just hate this anxiety. On top of the AF discomfort, my anxiety rides me hard.
I had a (clear and routine) colonoscopy three years ago -- and since my AF recurrence, I've seen two, different crs. One crs said my AF was fine - but the other crs (who performed my colonoscopy) said I had an AF. He is the one I'll see this Thursday.
I'm going back to him, because I'm not much better after 3 months' time. --- It's extremely anxiety producing for me to go to the doctor, especially for something like this. Of course, I hope he doesn't want to run tests (thinking there's something else in there) - and I hope that he says my AF can be dealt with successfully (however that needs to happen).
So, for the next two days - and possibly beyond - I'll be fighting my nerves. I just wanted to vent about that. I know that no one can face the doctor for me - but I sure wish this stupid AF had gone away (and I also hope that's all it is that's bothering me!), and I wish I didn't have to go through any of this.
The clock is ticking, time is going by, and my life is on hold! - and I don't know how/if I'm going to get it back. --- I had to vent. Sorry. I'm just so disgusted, nervous, and upset by all of this.

Hey Bug, you will handle it fine!!! He will want to look and see what you are dealing with. I know the anxiety is killer. Either way he will either offer more creams, or surgery. It is up to you how you want to deal with it. Think about the pain you have been feeling for 3 months, and if you think you can live like that for however long, surgery pain is short and temporary and nothing like fissure or spasm pain. Only you will know when you are ready to face this beast head on. I know exactly how you are feeling, that's how I felt a month ago. There is no need to suffer any longer than you have to. Hang in there girl, It will all work out!!

Thank you, Sue.
Depending on how the dr. visit goes (and how I size-up my crs, as far as his experience, etc.), I've pretty much made up my mind that I have had it with this stuff.
I want my life back.

I can understand the anxiety. When I went last year to see a CRS had to fly to Boston. Was ok when I got down there, but the examination was awful. I think that was because I did not really know what was going on, was rushed in the appointment, was examined without any form of 'numbing' was really all part of my learning curve. We may be in pain, but just make sure to ask all the important questions that others have spoken of before on here...and I am sure you've researched, and don't forget to also ask about AD. Looking forward to what your CRS has to say about that!
The very best of good wishes to you for your appointment, Sweet Bugaboo!

Wow Savaici, he sounds like a barbarian!!! My CRS was firm but gentle the exam didn't last more than 15 seconds. He looked saw what he needed and done!! I didn't know what to expect either but nothing inserted just looked thank god!!

Thank you, savaici - I just want this whole mess to be over, over, OVER.
My crs looks, feels, and then looks with some kind of instrument. I'm writing up a list of ?'s for him, so I hope it all goes well.
Yucko - I'm not looking forward to this, at all.

Yes, Sweet, I had the instrument. It's an anoscope, and with that he can see a bit of the rectum, as it has a light. If the last exam was too painful, ask for the one they use on children. The CRS that I saw pushed that in twice. Not fun. And all the time, when I could see him, he was gnawing on his lower lip..... Very weird experience.
Sue1962, I suppose with the dr I saw, he could not see the fissure, so had to 'go in'. He never found it either, but in his notes said that using a cotton bud, he could tell where the pain was. I could tell where the pain was too!!!

Oh, lordy - it's just all a miserable mess. --- I hate this whole business, I really do.
I'm going to ask my crs to be gentle.