I have been suffering with pain for at least 8 years, following the birth of my last child, so much pain following a BM, bright red blood not just on the toilet paper, I had used tube after tube of pile creams only to have literally minutes of pain relief. pile suppositories, sprays, cleansing wipes you name it! I never ever felt clean and started to avoid intimate contact with hubbie unless I had just has a bath.
I finally decided that it couldn't just be piles so looked in the mirror, (the thought of someone else looking at my butt was just unbearable.) I was disgusted by what I saw, a big skin tag with a tear down into my rectum, it looked like raw meat. I did some internet searching and finally came across this forum and it has literally changed my life.
I plucked up the courage to go to the Doctor, although I refused to let her look as it was after a long day at work and I didn't feel clean. I told her what I had seen, my symptoms and how much pain I have been in. She agreed that she would look in a couple of weeks after I have used the Nitro cream. The first time I used it, I has a plastic examination glove on my finger and there was so much blood, the pain was pretty bad and I had to sit there for 10 mins before I could even stand up. 3 days in and I get headaches and feel dizzy for a few minutes but already feel better, as if it may even get better one day. It has helped that I have a box of examination gloves that I can use. My Husband finally realizes how bad I have been feeling and how much pain I get everytime I have a BM, he thought I had gone off him. I know that I probably will have to have it operated on at some stage, because I have ignored it for so long, but feel as if I have wasted so much time being embarrassed to let someone look at my butt. I would have just carried on dealing with the pain if I hadn't found this forum. So Thank you all for being so honest about quite frankly an embarrassing problem.

toomuch...
Please try to put the embarrassment aside. Doctors see these problems all the time. They are trained to bevery objective and non judgmental. You are suffering with something incredibly painful and you just want to feel better. Everyone here knows how you feel so feel free to vent anything you need to talk about or ask any questions you might have. You may find that by talking to others who understand it will lessen your worry about being examined by your doctor. Everyone here is so kind and supportive.