Retears and motivation?

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Retears and motivation?

Postby muzgut22 » 20 Mar 2013, 10:08

Hello everyone,
I have been posting on this board on and off for a few months now. Although my story doesn't seem as bad as others, we all know this problem can be frustrating, depressing and embarassing. I've been really lucky in that I have mostly been able to heal my fissure. But it seems like every few weeks I have a small retear. And I know I only have myself to blame as once I start feeling "normal" again I start being more careless about what I eat and less disciplined about all my routines. It seems like even a slightly hard poop causes a retear again. Based on what I've read on this board some people are just more prone to tearing, and like a lot of us have concluded, healing is a life long process as a single meal can cause a problem for us.
My question is, how does one keep motivated for so long? even when the pain and symptoms are gone? Does this happen to some of you? When I am having pain and issues I swear that I will forever be careful with what I eat and I won't let this happen to me again. But then after a few weeks of being pain free it's so easy to fall off the wagon and forget. What motivates some of you? What keeps those of you that have healed for long periods of time to keep being careful? I am also interested in some of the foods, self care routines that those of you who have healed still follow.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks :)
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Re: Retears and motivation?

Postby marg6043 » 20 Mar 2013, 14:22

muzgut22, I see it this way, after having the horrendous, painful, irritation and uncomfortable feelings of a Freshly opened fissure, anything after, is just small set backs that can be deal with.
My fissure is 9 month old since I was properly diagnosed last June, but I got the feeling that this problem has been with me for a long, long time, on and off.
But it was the worst I ever had 9 months ago, it took 4 months to get off the spams and pain, two more to get over the pain and now I can say that while is not gone I can live a normal life again.
I had retears from bad to just a mild irritation but never like it was back in June, that alone give me enough motivation to keep taking care of myself and try no to let the fissure get worst.
So far so good.
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Re: Retears and motivation?

Postby CrayonOfDarkness » 20 Mar 2013, 16:47

I second that, marg. I don't think you can forget how painful it is, or at least I can't. I'm not really sure what other than that though 'works'. I'm extremely disciplined about routines and when there's a strong reason to keep them (that is, to avoid the glass shards/razorblades feeling in my rectum, plus spasms that somehow magnify that pain and make me want to crawl in a hole and not wake up).
Mostly I hate unsolved problems, and want them to go away as fast as possible. The more disciplined I am, the less potential for setbacks and hopefully the faster I'll heal, though I think I'll still stick to the diet changes. I really want to be at the point where I don't have to think about the fissure all day in between everything. Discipline is more than anything else. Once you find foods and habits that are helping, stick to them and don't stray too far (unless you're sure it would not hurt it... any doubt, avoid it!) Once you form those habits though and you've made them part of your life, I don't think it's so hard to even feel like you're being disciplined because it's just part of everything else you do. I guess that's terrible and obvious advice, but I'm not sure anything else works.
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Re: Retears and motivation?

Postby coconut » 24 Mar 2013, 18:23

muzgut22 wrote:Hello everyone,
I have been posting on this board on and off for a few months now. Although my story doesn't seem as bad as others, we all know this problem can be frustrating, depressing and embarassing. I've been really lucky in that I have mostly been able to heal my fissure. But it seems like every few weeks I have a small retear. And I know I only have myself to blame as once I start feeling "normal" again I start being more careless about what I eat and less disciplined about all my routines. It seems like even a slightly hard poop causes a retear again. Based on what I've read on this board some people are just more prone to tearing, and like a lot of us have concluded, healing is a life long process as a single meal can cause a problem for us.
My question is, how does one keep motivated for so long? even when the pain and symptoms are gone? Does this happen to some of you? When I am having pain and issues I swear that I will forever be careful with what I eat and I won't let this happen to me again. But then after a few weeks of being pain free it's so easy to fall off the wagon and forget. What motivates some of you? What keeps those of you that have healed for long periods of time to keep being careful? I am also interested in some of the foods, self care routines that those of you who have healed still follow.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks :)

There are times when I know that a behavior is damaging me and yet I continue doing that behavior. I knew that my eating patterns where harmful for years, and yet I continued to follow those eating patters for years...decades, really. When that happens, I use the word compulsion to describe it. I'm a compulsive overeater and a compulsive junk food eater.
This kind of compulsion doesn't respond to threats of further pain. No amounts of reminders about the kind of pain that I'm in now will keep me away from the food tomorrow. That's crazy, but its true.
For me, I needed help to change my eating patterns for the long term. I got that help with a 12 step group called OA.
If you, or anyone else reading this, is struggling because you still aren't eating the way you know you need to in order to heal, even though you know it will cause you harm, I suggest going to an OA meeting. At OA, I found the help that I needed to stop abusive compulsive eating. It takes more than just will power and diet gimmicks for some of us.
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Re: Retears and motivation?

Postby muzgut22 » 26 Mar 2013, 11:00

Coconut, thanks for sharing your experience. Although I don't think I have an issue with overating, I have had a string of retears in the last few months. I am good for 2 weeks and then retear, good for a month and then retear, it's like a rollercoaster. Again I think it is very easy to say when we are in pain and our acute phases that we will keep it up forever, but once you start feeling normal it gets harder to be in that mental state again. I think it's partly because I desperately want to have a normal life again, like going out to eat without overanalyzing every single thing. And in my case, it seems like one single meal can mean a set back. Have any of you had this experience?
It's hard when you are feeling good again to continue watching every little thing. I'd like to be able to have a slice of pizza or french fries without having a horrible set back.
Healing and getting over that pain is hard, but I also think keeping it up is very difficult. It's like going on a diet and losing weight. Losing the weight is hard, but maintaining that weight loss is very difficult.
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Re: Retears and motivation?

Postby Anonymon » 26 Mar 2013, 13:12

muzgut22 wrote:Coconut, thanks for sharing your experience. Although I don't think I have an issue with overating, I have had a string of retears in the last few months. I am good for 2 weeks and then retear, good for a month and then retear, it's like a rollercoaster. Again I think it is very easy to say when we are in pain and our acute phases that we will keep it up forever, but once you start feeling normal it gets harder to be in that mental state again. I think it's partly because I desperately want to have a normal life again, like going out to eat without overanalyzing every single thing. And in my case, it seems like one single meal can mean a set back. Have any of you had this experience?
It's hard when you are feeling good again to continue watching every little thing. I'd like to be able to have a slice of pizza or french fries without having a horrible set back.
Healing and getting over that pain is hard, but I also think keeping it up is very difficult. It's like going on a diet and losing weight. Losing the weight is hard, but maintaining that weight loss is very difficult.

Me being really into fitness got me into my mess of a fissure. But on that thread, staying fissure-free is the same line of living as being healthier, keeping unwanted fat off, etc. It's not a one-off thing, unless you get surgery, and even then it can come back. You have to live differently if you don't want to encounter the pain again.
I was obese when young and lost around 100lbs, gaining about the same back in muscle. For me, I just became a different person. It wasn't a habit change, it was a core life change.
In fissures, though I've been through a lot otherwise, this is the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. Mine have gradually taken me out over the course of a month, despite recent rays of hope. That pain is etched into my brain. Any time I will likely want to go back to old behaviors that lead to it, I'll just take a minute to pause and remember the pain. Breaking the dopamine hit of immediate gratification in making the poor decision, and remembering the pain, will be enough to keep me from going back. No food or drink is worth what any of us are going through.
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after you hit rock-bottom sort of speak

Postby Guest » 27 Mar 2013, 12:21

So what happened with me is I just got tired of the re-tears. You'll eventually hit that point and say enough is enough.
You'll start to take stock and do a inventory of everything your hand tries to sneak into your mouth. And your aha moment will hopefully follow soon thereafter.
Its hard to give up years of eating this or that way, even in the face of clearing up rogue butts. It took me years.
Last edited by Guest on 27 Mar 2013, 12:24, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Retears and motivation?

Postby muzgut22 » 21 Apr 2013, 18:02

I feel like I have that aha moment every time I retear, but after a few weeks of being pain free I find myself eating things that I know might cause problems. I can't seem to help myself.
I was pain free for almost 2 months at one point until a change in eating habits brought me back to square one. It's devastating. This time I will set a goal of being pain free for 3 months. As soon as I have a couple of pain free days I am starting a countdown haha!
I have also printed out inspirational quotes and messages and put them around my apt. My favorite is:
"Strength: a river cuts through a rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence"
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Re: Retears and motivation?

Postby Guest » 22 Apr 2013, 11:00

Thats what its all about muzgut22:
I like your attitude. Just putting up that motto probably scares the heck out of your fissures. You will win my friend.
I thought I had my aha moment several times too. Only to be "sorely" disappointed quite literally.
You will eventually find the right combo and routine to keep you fissure free.
"Fortitude"
GL
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