So stressed!

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So stressed!

Postby Pamplemousse » 08 Jul 2013, 06:49

I saw my GP today because although my appointment with the specialist is only a couple of weeks away, I’ve had an increase in pain and bleeding and I’ve also developed a lump, which seems to swell up after a BM. I thought it was probably a haemorrhoid but then managed to half-convince myself I’ve got an abscess (I should really stop consulting “Dr” Google! :roll: ) so I thought it would be best to get it checked out for my peace of mind.
Anyway, it’s neither! I now have 2 fissures. Although I’m thankful it isn’t an abscess, I’m still feeling rather sorry for myself. The doctor mentioned the lump but I don’t know if he explained what’s causing it (I get so overwhelmed and embarrassed when getting examined that I seem to lose the ability to comprehend what is being said to me!) I have been prescribed Xyloproct ointment, which I’ve had before.
I’m so glad I found this place because, although I can talk to my boyfriend about all of this, I worry about grossing him out. Plus it’s nice to be able to discuss it with people who know exactly what it feels like and also how it can have an emotional impact too. Right now it feels never-ending. I’m so exhausted by it! I just want to curl up and die… Maybe that would be an overreaction! I'll just cry instead!
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Re: So stressed!

Postby Please go-away! » 08 Jul 2013, 14:28

Oh Pamplemousse don't feel embarrassed, the Doctors look down there every day, no big deal to them, I have come to the point where I don't care if they look.
I gently put pressure by pressing below my rectum (pelvic floor muscle) it helps to relive the spasms, therefore pain/burning sensation.
In fact yesterday I did it while grocery shopping, I had to get my food, so there I was pushing around my grocery cart and pressing and I didn't care if any one was looking, in fact no one was..lol..there you go, after a while you won't care either, you will see. :)  Keep your head up.Image 
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Re: So stressed!

Postby Pamplemousse » 09 Jul 2013, 13:26

Thanks, Please go-away. I try to tell myself it’s just another body part and no different from the doctor examining my throat or my leg or whatever, but a part of my brain won’t accept that. It comes from a trauma I experienced as a teenager when a doctor performed a DRE on me without explaining the procedure first or even getting my consent. I felt completely humiliated and unfortunately that feeling is still with me, so I find it very hard to cope when getting examined. But I am proud that I actually had the courage to see my doctor about my fissure in the first place. I’m not sure where I found that courage, lol! This whole AF business has been, and continues to be, a psychological minefield for me.
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Re: So stressed!

Postby Rachael 1984 » 09 Jul 2013, 14:54

Hi Pamplemouse,
We are all here for you. Please don't lose hope. I was almost suicidal and crying daily when my Fissures were at their worst. Nobody knows unless they have suffered with these damn monsters! AD'S have really helped me cope on a daily basis with the stress and hopelessness of healing these damn things. I am doing a lot better nowadays although not yet healed, I will get there, and you will too. Are you using stool softeners and lubricating before BM? This really helps, as does a good clean diet. Keep us posted how you get on. Xx
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Re: So stressed!

Postby Just 'Pain' Tired » 09 Jul 2013, 23:39

Glad you found the forum.  I have a rather large sentinel pile associated with my humongous fissure (which is healing so far without surgery though taking forever).  It really bugs me sometimes but it's not as bad as most other aspects of this unfortunate journey!  Look up sentinel pile.  it is outer tissure that supposedly protects the fissure but I think (and some providers) that it causes it's own problems.  Most poeple on this forum have found that as the AF calms down so does the outer SP.  I'm still hoping (weeks, months later).  Keep the faith.
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Re: So stressed!

Postby Pamplemousse » 11 Jul 2013, 07:41

Thank you so much Rachael 1984. I can totally understand and relate to your emotional reaction. I'm glad you are doing much better. I have been using Laxido periodically but my fissures seem to hurt whatever the stool's like unfortunately! I will try lubrication though.
Thanks as well Just 'Pain' Tired (I like your username!) I was wondering if the lump was a skin tag. It's so hard to tell though when all these things look so similar (skin tags, haemorrhoids, abscesses, whatever). I wish I'd been brave enough to clarify with the doctor what it is! It's rather annoying seeing as I've got constant discomfort along with the other horrible symptoms, making it hard to switch off from it all. Oh well!
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