Hi Hootinannie,
I'm so sorry to read of your current pain and stress whilst dealing with your fissure. It's not easy and most of us here have been through/ are going through all the sensations, the frustrations, the depression that you too are. You are SO not alone. I too hit rock bottom with my fissure at its worst, didn't want to get up, dreaded my day ahead, sometimes even felt that being dead would have been better than having to deal with it all. I think I was pretty extreme because I tend to be a little OCD anyway and I was obsessed with the damned thing & it actually took me ADs to "lift myself" out of my rut and actually start to regain the strength and courage to deal with it all. It was SO hard BUT I promise you
that life won't always be like this and it's essential you continue to mentally tell yourself that as often as you can. It's only a small step but you have to start reinforcing that belief in yourself so you find your fight to deal with it and do not allow it to overwhelm you....
It took me a year and a half to finally heal but it took me about six months to get through the anxiety and depression that accompanied it and that is half your battle.
Distraction is absolute key as Ceetee stresses. If you can shift some of your focus of it, you WILL feel better about it.
How long have you been dealing with it now? - Realistically, if you are over about 8 weeks, your fissure might be considered chronic and it will possibly take longer to heal BUT healing does not necessarily mean the continuing pain you are having right now. There is a pattern with healing - It takes a long time in a chronic case but you will find that the first 2-3 months are the worst pain-wise, after that it appears the pain levels seem to reduce gradually and people tend to experience other healing symptoms. The process can only be described as a roller-coaster - it really is ups and downs with good stages and then more uncomfortable ones again and it can continue this way for some time. It is very possible that you have not retorn also! I had a stage where I was convinced I had retorn shortly prior to being diagnosed as healed!! It was all part of the healing process - It's like sometimes things get worse before they get better again. It is a very weird thing to deal with because no recovery seems to be smooth and instant.
Please hang in there because you will get better again even if it really doesn't feel like that right now. I so remember being where you are right now honestly and now I am fine again! living a normal life, even though it took a long long time (On saying that I didn't opt for surgery and my healing was a natural process & it takes longer)....
In the meantime, continue to keep those BMs as soft as you can, drink loads and do not allow yourself to become dehydrated, take a stool softener, nice warm baths or Sitz baths after your BM's and a great tip is to apply a big dollop of vaseline to your bottom before a BM to help protect your fissure & help lubricate the area. Continue with your cream (I used Diltiazem, which I swear by in my healing) and others swear by Manuka Honey (smearing down there) and also Coconut Oil. NEVER ever strain to expel stools - this was one of my biggest learning curves. I never knew how to have a BM without pushing but you can & if you stay calm & patient, it just falls out........
Finally, please try to stay as relaxed and calm as you can - self talk is brilliant!! - things like "My fissure
is healing day by day"....."Every day I am getting better & better" - I swear by these!!........Go pester your GP for reassurance if it helps (I did!!) and stay on top of pain-killers because they will help take the edge off your pain too.
I wish you only but the best in getting through all this but just remember that YOU WILL. Do whatever you need to to do to get through this and make life as easy for yourself as you can in the meantime. Take care & be strong x