Re-tearing

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Re-tearing

Postby hootinannie » 02 Sep 2013, 21:46

I've just gone through a very good few days. Spasms almost non-existent and no blood. This all started happening after the CRS prescribed a much higher Nifedrine dose (2% two times a day). I found out there is a 2 year wait for either botox or sphincter surgery.
Today, second BM produced blood and pain. Re-tearing I imagine. I'm working so hard to keep the BM soft, but my bum did not like it this am. I'm devastated, it was feeling so good. I was having lots of itching, something that I hadn't had too much of, so I took this as a sign of healing.
Can someone who had torn and re-torn please tell me of their experience, so I can learn from it? I have to find relief somehow or I think I'm going to go insane. I feel like going to the emergency room just about every day and begging for painkillers. I'm crying all the time and so damned depressed. And usually I'm such a happy person, this is ruining my life! Help, help help!!
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Re: Re-tearing

Postby Ceeteefeebs » 02 Sep 2013, 22:38

Hi hootinannie,
I know we're chatting on your diary thread (you can check out my diary for my back story), but I thought I'd write here, too. I can't speak from up on a pedestal or as a success story because I'm grappling with pain, frustration, and depression, too, but I think that applies to a fair few of us here. Different things will work for different people, but I particularly enjoy acupuncture. It helps me de-stress and targets pain, and it's not pumping extra meds or toxins into my body. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone. Finding activities you can still enjoy is key. I love strolling around and people watching. That also helps promote blood flow to the fissure and gets me out of my cave and into the world. What's your favorite album or band? Play their music while taking a bath, close your eyes and soak the music in. Or go out with a friend to grab and cup of tea or coffee. Sometimes it's good to break away from fissure world, and taking your mind off it for an hour or two will do wonders for making you feel human again (and not like an invalid). Listen to a book on tape. Grab your favorite movie, curl up on the couch and indulge in it. These are just a few things I do to ward off the blues. It's not easy, especially when you have to contend with setbacks. Hang in there!
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Re: Re-tearing

Postby Ever the Optimist » 03 Sep 2013, 15:34

Hi Hootinannie,
I'm so sorry to read of your current pain and stress whilst dealing with your fissure. It's not easy and most of us here have been through/ are going through all the sensations, the frustrations, the depression that you too are. You are SO not alone. I too hit rock bottom with my fissure at its worst, didn't want to get up, dreaded my day ahead, sometimes even felt that being dead would have been better than having to deal with it all. I think I was pretty extreme because I tend to be a little OCD anyway and I was obsessed with the damned thing & it actually took me ADs to "lift myself" out of my rut and actually start to regain the strength and courage to deal with it all. It was SO hard BUT I promise you that life won't always be like this and it's essential you continue to mentally tell yourself that as often as you can. It's only a small step but you have to start reinforcing that belief in yourself so you find your fight to deal with it and do not allow it to overwhelm you....
It took me a year and a half to finally heal but it took me about six months to get through the anxiety and depression that accompanied it and that is half your battle.
Distraction is absolute key as Ceetee stresses. If you can shift some of your focus of it, you WILL feel better about it.
How long have you been dealing with it now? - Realistically, if you are over about 8 weeks, your fissure might be considered chronic and it will possibly take longer to heal BUT healing does not necessarily mean the continuing pain you are having right now. There is a pattern with healing - It takes a long time in a chronic case but you will find that the first 2-3 months are the worst pain-wise, after that it appears the pain levels seem to reduce gradually and people tend to experience other healing symptoms. The process can only be described as a roller-coaster - it really is ups and downs with good stages and then more uncomfortable ones again and it can continue this way for some time. It is very possible that you have not retorn also! I had a stage where I was convinced I had retorn shortly prior to being diagnosed as healed!! It was all part of the healing process - It's like sometimes things get worse before they get better again. It is a very weird thing to deal with because no recovery seems to be smooth and instant.
Please hang in there because you will get better again even if it really doesn't feel like that right now. I so remember being where you are right now honestly and now I am fine again! living a normal life, even though it took a long long time (On saying that I didn't opt for surgery and my healing was a natural process & it takes longer)....
In the meantime, continue to keep those BMs as soft as you can, drink loads and do not allow yourself to become dehydrated, take a stool softener, nice warm baths or Sitz baths after your BM's and a great tip is to apply a big dollop of vaseline to your bottom before a BM to help protect your fissure & help lubricate the area. Continue with your cream (I used Diltiazem, which I swear by in my healing) and others swear by Manuka Honey (smearing down there) and also Coconut Oil. NEVER ever strain to expel stools - this was one of my biggest learning curves. I never knew how to have a BM without pushing but you can & if you stay calm & patient, it just falls out........
Finally, please try to stay as relaxed and calm as you can - self talk is brilliant!! - things like "My fissure is healing day by day"....."Every day I am getting better & better" - I swear by these!!........Go pester your GP for reassurance if it helps (I did!!) and stay on top of pain-killers because they will help take the edge off your pain too.
I wish you only but the best in getting through all this but just remember that YOU WILL. Do whatever you need to to do to get through this and make life as easy for yourself as you can in the meantime. Take care & be strong x
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Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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Re: Re-tearing

Postby Guest » 03 Sep 2013, 17:12

Hello hootinannie:
To add to CeeT's and ETO; Just thinking of where you are now in dealing with this brings back horrific memories for me. Its seems like its hopeless now we know, but trust me, though it may not seem like it now, you will eventually heal.
The things that I learned in my two decade battle with tears and re-tears was one, I never took what I ate that seriously when I first started getting fissures.
I said to myself, after all, I've been eating the same way before I got the fissure so it cant be my diet. Lets fast-forward to today, as now I'm going on close to three years being fissure free.
I also learned that in my case, in the showers I could easily feel my fissures with my finger and it seemed that whenever I was about to get another fissure the skin down there would become very irritated like it was thinning out or something.
(kinda like chaffed skin without the scaling.)
I did not have the continued tightness (or high resting pressure of the sphincter) that others have and I wonder is this your case. I also did not have the constant spasming that others have that will also lessen the chance of healing like the tightness will.
Yes the constant burning is merciless at times and you'd be wise to get into a routine and find the creams and potions that work for you. The most insidious thing about fissures is that no two people will have the same success with any treatment plan.
Find what works for you. Bathing, pre-lubing with vaseline more water more exercise and finally getting serious about what I ate finally stopped my re-tears from coming back- ( which they always did every 5-10 months or so.)
Its a big learning curve though to figure out what exactly ids the reason for your or mine or anyones else re-tears. So learning about the soluble and insoluble fibers, learning about when and how much water to drink, learning about when and how much exercise you need, not to mention how and when to apply the different creams and potions (and not to mention what creams and potions will work) will be your toughest challenges.
But start now, take the challenges head on, treat that fissure as a most unwelcome guest and trust us yes this will ultimately lead to total healing, either naturally or otherwise.
HTH GL
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Re: Re-tearing

Postby hootinannie » 04 Sep 2013, 00:59

Thank you Buttastic and Ever the Optimist, your advice and comments are sooooo appreciated. I made an appointment with my GP today. I think I may need something for the depression, not sure. Today has been a good day, no spasms.
What I have is chronic, no doubt. I've been struggling with it for about 9 months now. However, since I started the Nifedrine, I am having days without spasms, which is a reason for hope. I could put up with the blood, the stinging and itching...but those spasms are like nothing I've ever felt before.
Anyhow, I love this forum, it's helping me more that anything has in months. Bless you, and be well!!
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Re: Re-tearing

Postby Guest » 04 Sep 2013, 10:24

Glad to hear your keeping your spasm's down hootinannie.
Yeah, while I never had the prolonged spasm's, I sure had the fleeting ones that would visit me at the most inappropriate times (i.e. on the stool sitting and walking).
Peolple who are able to keep there stools soft where they don't strain seem to be the ones that can keep their spasm's down. Lets hope the Nifedrine is enough for you and that there will be no recurrences once you go that fissure under lock and key.
GL
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