i have suffered with fissures on & off for 7 years. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago & about a year ago we started experimenting with anal sex. We both enjoyed it... up until he was a bit rough and i ended up with a tear.
Waited for the tear to heal then tried anal again but i was in pain straight away & have had a chronic fissure for months since.

The problem is my boyfriend seems to have become totally obsessed with anal sex & constantly pesters me & asks me if he can do me in the butt again yet. I am sick of explaining my condition to him & sick of hearing him say "oh but i will just do it gently". Or whilst having vaginal sex he will try touching my anus/putting his finger up there... he has had many slaps in the face for that. It's like he can't help himself from doing it or trying to do it.
We have had many arguments over the matter and its really upsetting me.

I have been given creams from the doctor but i think i now need to go for some botox... and if that fails then surgery.

Advice and opinions much appreciated xxx

Hmmm. He wants to do something to you that he knows will hurt you, and he pesters you, or tries to force it on you?
He can help himself all right, he just doesn't want to. Ask him WHY he keeps trying to do something that he knows full well you can't do. Ask yourself if you want to live with this kind of attitude towards your health and happiness.

I think you should ask your CRS if they think you need surgery to heal. Let's not forget that if you have botox or LIS, anal sex will be off the table for a long time. So take it out of the equation altogether, and ask what you need to do to cure yourself. Seven years is a long time to be suffering from fissures, so maybe you have a high anal resting pressure, and do need surgery. See if they will do the manometry to measure your resting pressure.

Sorry if I seemed harsh about your boyfriend............but sheesh!

Thank you so much for replying... and no need to apologise! I appreciate your opinion and advice and am not easily offended!!

Yes he pesters me about it and i can tell you i have many a time asked him why and told him to stop it. I think he just genuinely doesn't understand my problems down there and how bothersome they are. How am I meant to explain it...should i just get him to research it himself so he knows that this is actually quite a serious condition for us who suffer from it!

It's different over here in the UK, i have to see a GP first then get referred to a CRS (which i have had done before who performed a colonoscopy to see if there was anything else going on further up inside me). So i have to go back to the GP and try get them to refer me again.

I have had the fissures since i gave birth (to my only child) 7 years ago. I had to have an episiotomy as they used forceps. So i have a large scar running from my vagina to about 2mm away from my anal opening... so the scar tissue has distorted the shape of my anus, hence the chronic fissures.

Anal sex is 100% off the menu until i'm satisfied i'm totally healed... or it will be off the menu forever (which doesn't bother me too much as my health comes first!).

Yeah, I know........I'm English, though I live in the US now. It's not so different. I needed a referral too. It's totally worth it.

I would find a few posts here that jive with your own experience, and print them out for your boyfriend. My husband knew I was in pain and was really supportive, but I could tell he didn't understand, and would sometimes get a bit frustrated that the problem went on and on and on (he tried not to show it, but hell - I was frustrated too!). It wasn't the sex, it was that I just couldn't do a lot of our usual activities - hiking, dancing, even keeping up with my normal household chores. So I know it's hard for people to understand.

By the way, I'm better now, without surgery. So there is hope for you - with or without surgery I'm sure you will get better.

In total agreement with Scientist. He is clearly not listening to you and only thinking of his own needs (and not to put a fine point on it-narcissistic). He probably has not had a long term painful condition so finds it hard to empathize, so showing him some of the posts might be helpful I know I have a lot more empathy for painful conditions having this fissure.

Thank you for your reply.
He is definitely a narcissist, no doubt about it! & you are right he has never had a long term painful condition.
I actually spoke to him about all this again the other day... I said if he can't understand that I cannot physically do anal or he is not happy with the fact then it's over. He was extremely apologetic and said he never wants to lose me and was sorry for not realising how much my butt problems get to me. He also admitted he thinks he has an obsession with anal and watches anal porn every day, he said he will cut down on that.
But we shall see!!