Wow, It's been over three months since I've even logged in and I don't even know how long since I wrote anything. I have been thinking about this site and all of you guys quite often. So much has happened since my surgery and I wanted to share it all but things always seemed to get in the way, ie: work, no internet for a while, sick family members, anxiety over returning to the editboard...? Yea, strange but I'd often open up the site only to get all nervous and talk myself out of writing anything b/c something inside of me thought that once I started to read posts and write them I'd perhaps be jinxing the surgery and would possibly wake up the next mornining in excrutiating pain. Odd way of thinking but I felt like the surgery was just too good to be true and would often think that I'd somehow wake up the next day to find that LIS failed and I was living in a dream world.
Well guys, I wasn't! It took 5 months for me to come to terms with this. Five months, a move out of my house, a change in my job, antidepressants to treat my depression and anxiety surrounding the AF, and than some extra time in which I spent taking care of my mother who suffererd another mini heart attack and stroke back in april and was hospitalized for the fiftth time in less than a year. So yea, it's been a long few months but I am happier and stronger and I wanted to share some things with everyone and perhaps inspire some hope and just plain thank you guys for being my rock. I couldn't have survived the pain of an AF without this site and I will forever hold it close to me and thank god everyday that I found it.
1. I've been pain free since two weeks post surgery
2.I haven't seen blood anywhere near my bum or toilet
3.I don't maintain a strict AF post surgery diet and still manage to feel good daily
4. When I do get a tinge of pain it lasts momentarily but than I change my diet for a few days, add more fiber, water, and MOM (yea juney I still take it for really bad diet days) and well, the minor pain goes away and doesn't show it's ungly face again that often
5.If I try to feel for it I can't feel any tear but than again I don't try to hard. Thing is, before I could feel it w/o having to well, dig too deep
6.I honestly think that in my case it was a constantly spasming sphincter muscle and once it was cut the thing had a chance to finally friggin heal. Haven't had a spasms at all. Any pain I may experience is just a shooting pain that disappears with a quickness.
7. I have INTERNET ACCESS again, wireless in fact and I will be staying in touch
8. My mother is better
9. I love my job..still a nurse:)
10. My AF doesn't run my life anymore, I DO!
So thanks, thanks to all of you wonderful ppl who deserve the same success and relief that I have been blessed with. I hope everyone is doing better than yesterday and will only get even better tomorrow. I love you all and will stay in touch!