I have so much anxiety about everything lately it seems. I tend to have BMs throughout the day so I am constantly fearing the next one and don't go out anymore as a result. Also because I had botox and don't think I'd be able to hold it long at all.
I got botox into my pelvic floor 1 month ago and that went really bad. It makes me feel like my pelvic floor is mush and I cannot seem to pass gas let alone a normal BM so I have to make things really watery and end up on the couch with a heating pad most of the day. The botox into my pelvic floor seemed to tighten up my sphincter so now I got a tad more in there last Thursday and each day I find I feel more and more loose back there. It is frankly really scaring me as I feel like my bottom is going to drop out at times or that I constantly need to have a BM. So I sit here worrying about how much more it's going to kick in each day, and I know it won't max out for another couple of weeks.
I can't sleep at night because I have so much pressure build up in my rear that I can't release and it becomes painful. Then I worry about the damage that is doing. This whole fissure ordeal has made me a basketcase. It's really hurting my marriage too as DH doesn't know what to do with me. Can anyone relate? Is there anything I can do to help this? Any positive thoughts, etc. I really don't want to go on meds as they affect the gut and my IBS is very sensitive. Also, I went on antidepressants as a teen and had a horrible experience so don't want to try those again...
This website has definitely helped me so much though as it takes some of the fear out of the whole experience as I read "AF survivors" stories.