Before today, I had a great couple of weeks where I felt that I made significant progress. Very little pain pooping, barely any cramps, not feeling that bumps in the road while driving were tearing the fissure, etc. A week ago, my CRS couldn't find the fissure (but said "it could be hiding in folds"). Since he saw it so easily the last two times, I was optimistic that it was much better.

The main problem that I've had lately is dry, prickly feelings down there, mainly while walking. I decided to start using some lotion as lubrication. I was mainly thinking that it was dryness from three baths a day, so it would be also good to moisturize. Yesterday, my butt really stung while walking, seemingly from the lotion (Aveeno). I used coconut oil today instead, with better results (but it still stings while walking).

Today when I did a little gentle cleaning with a wet kleenex, I saw a slight pinkish hue. I took a look with a mirror and saw the same bright red line that I've seen before. I'm not 100% sure it's the fissure, considering I barely separate my cheeks and see it. It's on a skin flap that I've seen before that comes out of the left side of my butt.

Needless to say, I'm panicking. I was practically hyperventilating when I came out of the bathroom. I was ready to declare myself on the path to healing, and now I wonder if I'm back a square one. I've calmed down a bit, but am very worried about my condition. It could be nothing significant. My emotions are on edge with this constant uncertainty and worry. It seems like I can go from "everything is great" to "it's the end of everything" and back in minutes.

Maybe try applying some zinc ointment, like calmoseptine or zincofax. It can really act as a protective barrier, and can be cooling. It may help with that scratchiness you describe and would probably provide much more comfort than a lotion. This is more of a thick paste made to stay put.

-GG

Well, nothing horrible happened with my morning BM. I still get discomfort while walking, though. This red line is either the fissure hanging out or something else that gets agitated by rubbing when I walk.

Is it really safe to put zinc ointment on what seems to be an open wound? Will it affect healing?

I would say yes it is safe to use. It's used on babies with diaper rash and my doctor recommended it. A friend going through cancer treatment had open sores from the chemo and that's what the nurses used. But maybe give your doctor a call if you're unsure!

I decided to get Honest brand diaper rash cream. It seemed to have the least amount of possibly problematic ingredients. Here's a nice list of 77 available diaper rash creams and ointments, with full ingredients lists: http://www.fluffloveuniversity.com/how- ... eam-index/ . I've only put it on once so far (and a very tiny amount), so we'll see how it does.

Back to the constant worry. I've become more concerned with hygiene now, so I've been cleaning more "aggressively". By that I mean sitting in the toilet sitz tub for about 30 seconds to get everything wet and then carefully dab-drying with toilet paper while laying on my side and lifting my leg. Until recently, I was pretty much leaving the medicine down there all the time except after a BM, and I'm getting the impression that I may be removing it too soon now (about 1-2 hours after applying) because I've got some slight cramps right now. I also am concerned that the toilet sitz or my leg-lifting are pulling on the AF, even though they probably aren't. Just more things to add to my constant worry pile. Is what I saw the fissure? If so, why didn't my CRS see it? If I've got pains in my anus, why haven't I felt pain during BMs for many days? Why am I feeling the side effects of the nifedipine more strongly lately? Has the fissure opened up and now the medicine is going directly into my bloodstream?

Sorry, just venting my constant thought process over this, which consumes almost every waking moment. I'm glad that I have an appointment with my therapist this week. I wish I could adopt my wife's attitude of "it is what it is" and just deal with bad things as they happen instead of worrying about what might happen.