Mentally exhausted

Almost a year of pain

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Mentally exhausted

Postby JulsPain » 05 Jul 2019, 21:23

I think everyone here understands how much of a mental toll a fissure takes. I’ve had this for nearly 3 years now, but the last 9 months have been a complete nightmare as this is the longest I’ve gone with consistent pain.

I can’t work out due to the pain, constantly stressing out over what I’m eating and don’t get me started about how tired I am of rubbing creams on the wound daily.

This forum has been of great help, but also I’ve found myself in a vicious cycle of committing to surgery because of reading positive reviews, feeling a bit better, freaking out again, and so on.

The last 2 weeks I didn’t have any blood at all and thought I was FINALLY healing. Noticed a tiny bit the other day, but wasn’t sure if it was from my period but today confirmed that it was from the fissure as my period is definitely over and there was a lot of bright red blood. I’m so depressed as I’m back to square one.

I am so afraid of surgery as I’m only 25 years old and don’t want to have complications in the future when I decide to have kids.

I’m at that point where I’m having to take benadryl every night just to sleep because I’m so sad and stressed. I’m afraid I’m going to have to go to therapy because I’m truely suffering.

I just want my life back :(
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby tightbutt5678 » 07 Jul 2019, 02:05

Hi JulsPain,

I totally understand and feel your pain, especially the mental anguish. Have you scheduled surgery already and are now waiting? If it helps I am on day 5 post LIS with tag removal and I'm doing extremely well. I'm very happy I had surgery and I think it is my best chance to heal 100%.

I'm female and 31 so I understand the fear of surgery especially when it comes to kids. I hope I can have kids at some point and if I do, I think I can request a C section to avoid complications. I haven't officially looked into that as I'm not planning to have children any time soon but I believe I read that somewhere.

So far I've had zero incontinence and recovery has been crazy easy.

I hope you find relief soon. I also have applied for therapy (through the public health system) and am waiting for a response. If you can, go for it. Even though I'm in a much better headspace now than before surgery, I still want to talk to someone because I've lost months of my life and I was the lowest I've ever been. I think I need professional help to fully recover from that and to come back to life, hopefully with a fully healed butt and mentally stronger than ever!

Hope you will too!
- February 2019 : Fissure
- Tried all of the creams, perfecting the diet, self dilation
- Reduced symptoms significantly but still not healed
- July 2019 : LIS with tag removal
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby JulsPain » 15 Jul 2019, 12:58

tightbutt5678 wrote:Hi JulsPain,

I totally understand and feel your pain, especially the mental anguish. Have you scheduled surgery already and are now waiting? If it helps I am on day 5 post LIS with tag removal and I'm doing extremely well. I'm very happy I had surgery and I think it is my best chance to heal 100%.

I'm female and 31 so I understand the fear of surgery especially when it comes to kids. I hope I can have kids at some point and if I do, I think I can request a C section to avoid complications. I haven't officially looked into that as I'm not planning to have children any time soon but I believe I read that somewhere.

So far I've had zero incontinence and recovery has been crazy easy.

I hope you find relief soon. I also have applied for therapy (through the public health system) and am waiting for a response. If you can, go for it. Even though I'm in a much better headspace now than before surgery, I still want to talk to someone because I've lost months of my life and I was the lowest I've ever been. I think I need professional help to fully recover from that and to come back to life, hopefully with a fully healed butt and mentally stronger than ever!

Hope you will too!


Hi,

Thank you so much for your reply. I am glad your recovery has been going well! How are you now that a few weeks have gone by?

I have my surgery scheduled for this Friday, LIS and Tag removal and I am so nervous, but hoping that this will be the right decision and I am on my path to getting my life back.
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby tightbutt5678 » 15 Jul 2019, 20:22

Hi JulsPain,

I am sure it is the right decision and you will be healing for real in no time!

I actually just posted a 2 week post-op update here:

post155906.html#p155906

:)
- February 2019 : Fissure
- Tried all of the creams, perfecting the diet, self dilation
- Reduced symptoms significantly but still not healed
- July 2019 : LIS with tag removal
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby SueMac » 16 Jul 2019, 03:57

Julspain - I wish you all the best for your surgery. Constant pain for months or years on end is extremely draining mentally and physically - I understand how you feel. I think because this is such a difficult subject to talk openly about it is often the case that some psychological help is needed as well so don't be afraid to seek that kind of help as well.
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby jis76 » 16 Jul 2019, 11:24

Aww julspain, sorry your in so much pain. I am sure your surgery will go well this week! I keep trying to avoid the surgery, but overwhelming I hear from people that it was a game changer and they got there life back (not only on this board, but you hear of other people when they start talking about the number of baths they take). It is so mentally draining to be in pain, and people don't always realize how bad this can be. The anxiety these things caused for me the first time around was overwhelming... but I eventually got over that part. Like others said, get psych help if you need it... it's not a sign of weakness to seek out this kind of help, it's a sign of strength!

Please do come back and post and let us know how things go. Sending good thoughts.
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby berzerker5220 » 16 Jul 2019, 18:27

Wish you all the best girl, I am sure the surgery will be just fine.

No idea how I am healing so quickly with GTN 0.2% but for some reason this thing is working like magic. But I always say that and then just like that I get a hard stool once in a while and it tears open again but even with that happening the Nitro cream just magically works and works and works healing continuously even through all of that and with finally buying a whole bottle of docusate sodium I am starting to have enormous relief after 5 long months of torture and blood.

Sitz baths I have found to be a complete waste of time and so have scientific trials. What it does is reduce some anal canal pressure for a very short time and is non practical unless you are home and do it about 10 times a day.

I was taking Nitro and sitz bath and realized it wasn't doing anything I stopped the sitz bath and I actually significantly increased my healing, maybe cause it was a small basin I used and the butt cheeks couldn't fit and my weight forced the butt cheeks to open causing the fissure to never heal who knows but I realize now I never needed sitz bath.

Nitro and Nifedipine is what heals these fissures along with soft stool, I see no reason why it will not heal this way, another trick is eating once a day and only blended oats with chia seed and coconut milk. This allows you to have a BM once every 2 days which allows the fissure more time to heal.

But if you can afford surgery then go for it, I can't and I don't trust public health service in my country so thank god the nitro is working for me, fingers crossed it actually heals this thing. So far so good I am nearing 6 weeks and its been magic, I will purchase another 4 weeks of paste just be on the safe side.
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby Cez » 17 Jul 2019, 15:22

Berserker.
How do you apply the nitro cream?
I have a syringe like applicator..but sometimes use latex glove and sometimes push cream inside with that
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby berzerker5220 » 17 Jul 2019, 16:09

Cez wrote:Berserker.
How do you apply the nitro cream?
I have a syringe like applicator..but sometimes use latex glove and sometimes push cream inside with that


The most perfect way to apply the cream is with a Qtip, it saves the cream which is so expensive, doesn't waste any of it and applies with minimal damage to the fissure. Thank god someone online told me about using the Qtips.
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Re: Mentally exhausted

Postby missy moo » 17 Jul 2019, 16:20

Berzerker5 what country are you in? I'm in NZ and don't trust the health system to do lis.
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