Hi, my name is Tom and I am new to this site. I am a 33 year-old male. I have suffered from anal fissures for the past 8 years, with increasing frequency and severity during that time. Most recently, I was under treatment for a very painful and persistent fissure for about two years. Ultimately, the fissure would not permanently heal with ointments (nitroglycerin, proctozone) and I decided to have surgery (fissurotomy/sphincterectomy). I was terrified of the surgery but motivated by the dream of being "normal" again, so I went for it. My surgery was almost exactly one year ago. The procedure has not had the outcome that I had hoped and I feel, frankly, broken-hearted.
There has certainly been improvement. Pre-surgery, 90% of my bowel movements were excruciating and bloody, and triggered pain that would last throughout the day and into the evening. Things are much better now: pain and blood are rarer, less intense, and pass more quickly. In fact, over the past year, I have had stretches of 1-2 weeks at a time where I would even say that I even felt "normal". That is, I wasn't evening thinking about my butt (imagine!). But those good stretches have been frustratingly fleeting. I just cannot hang on to that normal feeling, and it drives me mad! More often, my condition ranges from mild to moderate achiness - with the pain sensation very much centered on my surgical scar, and typically triggered by bowel movements - to new tears and bleeding...essentially new fissures, though I am not sure if there is a technical distinction between a fissure and a re-opening of the surgical wound (which is what I think is happening). Some days I feel like I simply traded a fissure for a surgical scar, which can feel all too similar. I have been back to my CRS and he points out, rather cheerfully, that whatever new tears I experience seem to heal on their own, suggesting that the procedure was successful. (I guess he has a point...?) And in case you are wondering about diet, I am absolutely fanatical about water and fiber. As far as I understand, I am doing everything I can to promote my anal health. And yet, my butt still hurts.
My CRS, true to form, is a poor communicator (though I am confident in his skills). I don't have a good sense from him what I should expect at this point. Should I be completely back to normal by now, or are the sorts of setbacks I describe more the norm? Does my experience sound familiar to anyone else out there? I'm beginning to get resigned to the fact that I will deal with this for the rest of my life. Is that too fatalistic? Is there hope of a true, complete recovery?
Two other things about me that I think are relevant:
1. I'm an athlete (distance running, cycling, yoga, team sports, weight training). My CRS says there is nothing wrong with athletic activities as long as I am not straining too hard. I have not noticed any obvious associations between exercise and my anal problems (though I have to stop cycling when things flare up). I do wonder about this, though. Does anyone know if there are general trends regarding positive or negative effects of exercise on the occurrence of or recovery from fissures?
2. As a gay man, this issue intersects with my sex life. We probably all feel a certain loneliness about our conditions because they are difficult to talk about except with the closest of friends and family. This site is a blessing in that regard. I feel especially lonely because I want to talk to someone about sex and I feel like I have nowhere to turn. My doctors are not helpful. They are either sympathetic but uninformed, or completely uncomfortable with the topic. I have not had anal sex (as a bottom) in many years (I've been abstinent in that way since this problem started...a long time ago!). Is it possible to resume a healthy sex life post-surgery? My first priority is my health, but I also like to imagine a day when I will return to the (healthy, unremarkable) sex life I once had, though the thought terrifies me.
Thank you for reading my story. I would be delighted to hear yours.
Tom