I totally share the fear of anoscopy!
As a result, I still haven't been properly looked at..
So far I have been to the CRS twice. THe first time was with a lady doctor who was very gentle.. until she tried to insert the anoscope. basically, she just kept asking me to take deep breaths. in hindsight, I should have just focused on relaxing my bum in my own way. (I just can't relax when someone keeps telling me to breath!) She was also forcing it in the wrong angle.. causing sharp pain and bleeding and a retear (at which point I had not bled for months..) but it was slowly healing and then I had another setback:( anyway, I don't think she managed to look properly that time, which I guess was partly my own fault
I then went back again but requested to see the lead CRS. but like many medical doctors, he talks really fast and would not let anyone ask specific questions or raise concerns.. he would immediately throw you something that is, to us AF sufferers, common sense!
Also, I could see the big anoscope (and a much longer scope) on the table so I told him that I think they are too big for me, considering my current state and my previous experience... He just kept saying that it would be fine, and that it is common to bleed a little from an internal examination (is this true? what about a retear?).
I asked about the possibility of an EUA, but he said that he had never used it just for examination. He would only use it for a procedure such as botox injection. I also asked a question about LIS, but he totally ignored it and said that he had not done an LIS for 5 yrs since other treatments work well.
This is the colorectal surgery department of one of the major hospitals in the U.K.
So I feel very confused because what he said were in many ways contradictory to what I read online or in this forum, and my own experience and gut feelings. (e.g. he gives me the impression that EUA is only performed under exceptional circumstances, and that LIS is rarely performed..) He also assumes that I don't know anything about AF.. So I had great difficulty trusting him (to me, a stranger whom I have problem communicating with) that he would even try to examine my bum gently.
So in the end I didn't let him look.. silly I know, but I was really traumatised last time!
Do I have a reason to worry?
Should I go back and let him examine me without anaesthesia next time and risk a worse retear...?
Or should I just leave it for now unless it gets much worse..