Thank you for thinking of me. It has been a crazy week. My surgery had to be canceled because I had food poisoning on Wednesday. I was up vomiting all night and the nurse agreed it wasn't a good idea to be put under when my body was so badly dehydrated. That being said, the past two weeks I had no pain after bowel movements, which was crazy. The longest stretch I've had in 6 months. I considered the food poisoning a blessing because the decision of whether or not to pursue surgery was taken out of my hands. Then, yesterday, another setback. This time there was much more blood, so I knew my fissure had re-tore. I have no clue what this means. This has been such a long, rocky journey, and I'm tired of it. I have had so many health issues since having my son. Some days like today, life just doesn't seem fair.

Thanks again for thinking of me. I'll keep you posted as to what's next.

How are you doing Jbl22424?

I'm so sorry to hear that. I agree, life doesn't seem fair some days. Having a new baby is so hard, it's so much more difficult with debilitating health issues.

I started nitro 2-3 weeks ago and have seen a definite improvement. I re-tore about a week into it though after taking decongestants. Since then I've been on the nitro twice a day, eating the same exact thing every day, taking miralax, benefiber, colace, and now olive oil. I also cut back on breastfeeding in the hopes that I could get my hydration under control and bring back my hormone levels. Today and yesterday have been the best I've felt since this ordeal started. I'm terrified of a re-tear, though. I'll just keep on what I'm doing for a while now and see how it goes.

I have a consult on Wednesday with a doctor who does botox. I think I'll talk to her and that will be my next step if the nitro doesn't keep things progressing in the right direction.

Keep us posted. Do you have any idea why you had no pain after BMs for the past two weeks? That must have made the time leading up to surgery really confusing!

Yes, it certainly did! And no, I have no idea what I was doing "right". I've had this fissure for six months and I tried just about everything, diet especially. I've been doing more starchy carbs (pasta, bread) and less fiber and that's what seemed to help me. Also drink Miralax every night. (I tried the olive oil, too!). It was very frustrating not knowing what was helping. I pray a lot and that helps. I know God is in control of this thing. If I didn't have my faith and family I don't know what I would have done.

I'm glad the nitro is helping you! I tried that, too. Did your doctor tell you how deep your fissure is? Mine said she could see the muscle, which sounds pretty deep to me! This re-tear feels very similar to the beginning of how I felt months ago which makes me think no progress has been made. They usually say to measure your healing by weeks, not days, but I keep feeling I'm taking three steps back and one forward.

I'm going to my doctor tomorrow, so we'll see what she tells me. Keep doing what you're doing! I'll be curious to hear if not nursing anymore helps you! I'm headed down that path, especially now since my son is cutting teeth!

How did you apply the nitro when you did it? My doctor told me to apply it externally but everything I've read here told me to do it inside so that's what I've been doing. It gives me some headaches (totally manageable) but it seems to reduce the spasms. It doesn't get rid of them entirely but it seems to make them slightly better.

I got the feeling my doctor didn't actually see my fissure even though he said he did. He bypassed my question of where it was without much detail. I've tried to find it myself and cannot see it at all. That said, I can feel pain radiating down the side of my right leg from the fissure. It's a bit disturbing as it makes me feel it is deep but I have no idea.

Regarding diet, I radically changed my diet like you did near the onset but regardless, I couldn't predict each day's BM with any accuracy. So, this weekend I resolved to eat the same thing every day in the hopes that I could tweak the miralax, fiber, colace, and olive oil combo perfectly with what I know I'm consuming. Ugh. We'll see if this gets me anywhere. I fear I may have to do this for a month or more.

How long do your spasms last during the day? During the height of my pain, I had to call my Mom over to care for my son because I was a crying mess. Nursing him sitting down was too difficult. I was so miserable. The pain is much better now but I really want this fixed so I can eat normal food, drink wine, and exercise again.

Hi, Jbl22424,

When I was using nitro I applied it internally, although the doctor told me you don't HAVE to. Just putting it around the area on the outside should still be doing something. When I was really hurting there was no way I could apply internally. It never really got rid of the spasms for me, and it did give me a headache. I had to use like a pea-size because it was making me dizzy. Some days I thought maybe it did help but it was so hard to say...

I have heard that fissures can cause all kinds of pain, like the kind you described going down your leg. Mine actually makes my entire pelvic floor muscles spasm so it feels like there's something shoved up my vagina. There's no way I could see mine either, but the doctor is able to see when I've had her examine me. I'm not sure how deep mine is either. Do you think maybe you should see another doctor for a second opinion?

How's it going with charting your diet? Any progress? I basically gave up worrying about what I ate since there did not seem to be any correlation. The Miralax is what has helped me the most out of everything.

My spasms are far worse if I have 2 bowel movements in the morning. I'm doing the best I can to keep it down to 1 which has involved me cutting the caffeine. I can be in pain til about 5:00 or even 7:00 at night. Usually before I go to bed and after I wake up in the morning is when I feel "normal".

I know exactly how you feel. It sort of feels everything in your life gets put on hold when you have this kind of thing. Plus having a baby to take care of. It just plainly sucks.

I saw my doctor yesterday to discuss adding me on for LIS this Friday. She said she could do it, but when I told her my concerns, she really didn't have anything absolute or comforting to say. I understand these doctors don't know what the future may bring for the fissure and they probably can't guarantee anything because they don't want to get in trouble. I told her I was concerned about having the surgery and then possibly getting pregnant, what that will do to the cut sphincter muscles, and also what it will mean when I'm, say, 50 years old. Do I have a higher chance of becoming incontinent then? She couldn't really answer anything. She just said she sympathized. She said there is a 95% success rate for LIS, but that doesn't guarantee that later on (a few years or so) the fissure won't come back and you may need the procedure done over. The way I understand is that the tissue will always be very sensitive to any trauma, probably regardless of surgery or not. But still. Not really what I wanted to hear.

So I've decided to postpone the surgery. It has been about 6 months of this, but I had over 2 weeks of no pain most recently, which is the longest I've gone. I know I screwed up Saturday night when I decided to skip the Miralax and try Colace. So I'm wondering if I promise to take the miralax everyday and do everything I can to have 1 bowel movement, will this thing finally heal? The doctor said you will know when it's time for surgery (I guess it's when you feel utterly hopeless). I just don't know if I'm there yet. I'm going to give it one more shot.

I hope you are doing well and seeing some improvements!

You can do both Miralax and colace at the same time. I'm currently taking 3 colace, 2-3 tsp of Miralax, 1-2 tsp of benefiber, and 400 mg of magnesium plus the olive oil. I just bought some flax oil today and may try that, too. I've been eating the same thing for a week now and have had a reliably soft BM each day. Since my re-tear on Mar 30th, I had 3-4 days of diminishing pain and I've been pain free for the last 3-4 days. The longest I was pain free before this was only 1 or 2 days most so I figure that's a good sign. Before I was eating a variety of random foods that I felt were safe but I still would re-tear and aggravate it which was setting back any improvements. Now I seem to be in a groove with a good consistency and maybe combined with the nitro that is what is helping. BTW I'm also going twice a day now since my BMs are pain free and I don't have spasms. I think twice a day will help me combat the plug which causes my re-tears.

Anyways, so the diet is going well! I did go see a new CRS today. She was so much better than my last. For any northern california fissures sufferers out there, her name was Jeanne Yu and she's based in Sacramento. She basically said the reason I can't get my stools soft despite the epic amount of laxatives and liquid I ingest (150 ounces of water per day + gatorate + coconut water) is because of the breastfeeding. I already knew this but it was nice to have it confirmed. She offered botox but said I should probably continue on my current path with the nitro to see how things go. I think if I have a major re-tear, I'll go back for botox but now that I know I can get to pain free with my method above... I may just use that again. I suppose the goal is not to re-tear... I just fear eating the same thing day in and day out for months on end. I'm also concerned my baby isn't getting what he needs from my milk since I'm not eating a variety of foods and gave up my pre natal vitamin to prevent constipation. Ugh. He is getting formula now for daytime feedings so that I can get a handle on this. I spent a month crying about giving up breastfeeding but I needed to let that go and make sure I get better.

I'm also very nervous about surgery and would like to avoid it. I plan to keep on my current path for a month or two more and see how it goes. If I re-tear under my current plan, I'll probably give up breastfeeding next. Then if I re-tear again I'll go back for botox. I don't want to do botox while I'm breastfeeding because if I can't get a handle on the soft BM, I'll just continue to tear while I'm botoxed up and I won't heal. Anyways, that's my plan. It's so nice to read about your progress, please do keep us updated!