Bearable is good, yes, if not optimum. Hang in there

Forgive me if the picture is inappropriate, but I this is were I need to record what's going on.

This may not look like much - but it's enough blood to indicate to me that I have a painful day ahead of me:



Now this next one has more blood and took quite some effort with all sorts of abdominal contractions and back stretching on the toilet to get out. It would seem not matter how much flexing and stretching I do, my tight sphincter makes passing my stools an extremely painful event. Even though I do my best to be quiet I know others in the house can hear me. Especially early in the mornings:



I struggle like this at least 4 days out of 7 despite trying my best efforts to eat clean and hydrate all with soft stools in mind. I am positive my core issues stems from having my gall bladder removed (which they said was corroded?) ANYWAYS - I now suffer with hard stools (NOT diarrhea as commonly resulted from gall bladder removal) I guess more like a thick paste which seems impossible or rips my suspected anal fissure open each time.
I do have some miracle days where I have eating the right combination of both food and fluids. Today after passing the above with that last picture which has more blood ... the pain is more pulsating and numb. That's also a fluke which means I will be at least able to do my exercise today. I need to exercise - it is my Pshyco therapy medicine and keeps me sane while I live like this.
Exercise and aggravation - Yes ... Exercise can aggravate to some degree. I actually find doing weights less an issue compared to doing HIIT running sprints.

Short bursts of sprinting is as good as passing stools that rip the fissure back open.
Free weights can place strain and bring forth a pulsating sensation that communicates if I push too hard, that whatever the level of pain currently experienced - will be with me for several more hours. Therefore I only work out as hard as I wish to bear the current pain. There are a few things I can do to continue working out though as well as give thought to the rest of my day:
I walk around in between sets - do some soft leg lunges - drink water and play with that combination. That seems to work ... also ensure I do these things before aggravation bothers to set.
SIGH - but like I said, the real issue is when passing stools and my other core issue with Digestion. 4 out of seven days are extreme with me being in a real state for most of the days. MY DOCTOR IS A FUCKING ASS HOLE HIMSELF.
Srry for the latter. I am going to have to show him these photos and spell it out as plainly as I have done here, but the fuckwit is still fucking about with BS tests. I've already had a colonoscopy done just a few years ago. No my name is on a list. God fucking knows how long I will have to wait and live like this. It's quite fucking plain to see what my problem is. He reckons he has made on appointment with a dietitian but now it's weeks later and still no letter or contact to advice. Probably because it's part of allied health (welfare subsidized) - that it will take months more living like this and a lot of yelling and screaming before I get a first appointment.
I did not want surgery before, but now for me I see it seems to be more than warranted. My wife is really get sick of me as I too am sick of the world. I was not exactly right in the fucking head before this - and one can be assured that have absolutely no fucking time for other humans - not while I have to keep living like this whilst reading how so many others claim to be cured.

CURED? - I don't think it's possible for me - maybe if this fuckwit of a doctor starts to actually help and maybe another 2 years (have been like this for nearly 3) I may just get some fucking HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
At any rate - I mean no harm ... I'm usually a good little citizen with the right kind of help.
Thanks for the space to errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Siiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. This beats the 6 months + scabies I had. I never though any thing could top that. Now I know.
Adios ... until next post .... eerrrrrrrrrrrr Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh & Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

I log part of a response I just made as it seems to make a good opening to a draft I must later make up when I change docs. Yes F**k it - I do believe when this dickhead gets me an appointment with a dietitian and the colonscopy (complete waste of time) - I will start seeing another doctor ... the one my wife sees.

SO Davy Boy - prep up some kind of draft - consider starting off with the below as an intro:

Mine started with LOTS of blood and No pain. I remember checking my wads a paper and not only being surprised at the amount of blood that covered the entire paper but to also see a very small pool of blood sitting in the small of my hand. I was like WTF is that!!!

This would repeat here and there over the weeks. One doctor simply told me not to wipe so hard and take a shower after each time. That was like three years ago. Mine all started after I had my gall bladder removed and I used to go to the toilets like I was squatting 500lbs of weight. I thought not much of it, but merely stepped off the toilet thinking "wow - these episodes are getting harder???"

Eventually a years later, the pain suddenly kicked in. No I am living in hell and the doctor I see is pretty useless.
I've been doing my best to eat clean. I've lost nearly 30kgs now - off all my mood altering drugs. I'm actually quite healthy and level headed other than this now debilitating anal fissure. If it were not for the extreme pain I seem to constantly suffer - I am actually quite thankful for the lesson it has given me.

Also remember the term "Anterior"

Also add to draft:

PS - My anxiety is so bad that when I go to fart,
I feel like I'm going to tear myself a new ass hole.

Finally the doc agrees to start treating me. Pulled out the pics and said, "I get the feeling you don't believe me, so I took the liberty of taking photos for you ... " ... went on to explain about the agony each time when taking a shit and that I was in need of help ASA fucking P!

So after viewing the printouts and having again to sit through my frustrations with my support person, he finally puts me on this cream that seems to be doing something. I can't believe he did not come up with this Rectogesic Cream earlier on. Took him like 3 months before he tried one earlier called, Proctosedyl which seem to do nothing.

The only draw back with this Rectogesic Cream is the massive headaches which hit pretty much straight away after application. It's been a few days now, and I think the headaches whilst still obvious, are not as intense. I notice the veins in my head pop out like when I have a heavy session with weights at the gym. I get a little dizzy but at first that is not so bad 30 minutes in. Finding something to do helps.
During the application of the cream, I have think I have actually found the fissure. The instructions say to insert finger to ensure the cream gets in. My problem before with the Proctosedyl was the pain I was going through using the nozzle and whatever lube one wants to use. That cream did nothing for me.
Whilst this Rectogesic (imo) has some heavy side effects, the application is easier and it also seems to help with pain right away. My sphincter is not anywhere as tense as it was before and it actually seems as if healing is taking place. Touch Wood.
Now - it's still early - as I really want to do a few workouts and see how my eating and passing goes over the next few days before I get my hopes up. It looks promising thus far.
_________________________________
I also implemented another step. I've been off dairy for over a year. I just went back on Greek Yogurt. I'm also trailing some whey Protein Powder. The powered is very expensive - only using enough to last one week, then having a weeks break before buying another lot. I think that's probably good for my kidneys at any rate, as I've had near renal failure in the past. The whole no gall bladder thing make my liver overworked which is why I avoid dairy full stop. BUT - I think I might be onto something with the Greek Yogurt ... then maybe not.
I just finished throwing together my first batch of sauerkraut. I bought a ceramic 5KG fermenting pot some time back. I don't eat junk food as stated before. It's no longer an issuer with me, as I have suffered too much pain and have no interest in going back to packaged and surgery foods. That's been liberating actually. Bit like giving up the ciggys. I think junk food and all forms of factory process foods are as toxic. It's been a healthy realization for me.
Problem is, since I started eating healthy, all the things that we masked under the layers of fat and toxic build up - started to come to light. It's been one thing after another. I do so hope I can beat this damn anal fissure and get my gut worked out.
Life pain free - WOW - Now that would really be something. To be able to recovery from my workouts pain free would really be something.
See what happens. ;)

edit - please excuse typos .. too tired . ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Internal body Pressure seems to be something to consider as well. Not sure what you called it - Bowel pressure perhaps? However when I drink water in the mornings it seems to help me go to the toilet. It feels like a slight pressure builds up - in a good way. (not irritable bowel syndrome)

This just made me think about how ones activity level and internal pressure may play a part to keeping regular. The amount of fluids vs not enough and the consistency of waste. With regards to consistency, I think this may be more an issue for those of use with digestive one should be.

I also think some of these probable scenarios may be what is holding me back when it comes to always having "soft" stools.

This morning I was disappointed despite feeling a bowel movement coming on after drinking water shortly after waking. More so because it was not as soft as I has wished for. I do not pass with it just coming out like 1 - 2 - 3 and arrrrrr that's better. I still have to contract my upper abdominal muscles by placing my hand on it and focusing on contracting downwards to my anus. I do this because of the extreme pain I've been in before taking Rectogesic.

Although I did not pass a lot of stool this morning and what I would not call constipation - it did seem to reopen my fissure and that seems to be the issue with me. It's not taking much to reopen my fissure despite going a few good days. I thought I was onto something with the cream, but not so sure my internal workings are going to be of much aid - or that my body and my eating has not found the right combination.

Sigh - Is very difficult to do without taking all those chemical laxatives - especially that ones my doctor tells me not to take. Back on the prune juice this morning. Need to drink it more regularly and again up the amount of soft fruits. I think they may be the ticket with this cream.

I also ponder how toxic this cream is to take for so many weeks or months. I can't be good given the extreme side effects I feel immediately after taking it.

These are my thoughts for today.

Moving on.

'Too good to be true - this cream is making me feel very sick today.

Due to area of application, it's absorbed into the blood stream almost immediately. That's when the head aches hit. Very intense migraine like head aches every time the cream is applied. I also get dizzy, very weak, nauseated, and today had to spend half of it in bed - my skin felt tingly in a flu like way with mild sweating. Sadly, this mornings passing left me still in pain despite the cream. Nothing has really changed for me pain wise it would seem. I am worried because the doctor reckon I should just keep taking this cream 3 times a day with a 12 hour break to let the body recover form the obvious poison this stuff must be.

If I continue to suffer like this, I will revert to just putting up with the original pain minus the toxic cream. Both forms of suffering are on the same level - I'll take the one with less chemicals and that does not pop out the veins in my head. Is very hard to sleep after my last application at night. Not everyone uses the cream for obvious reasons - I think the fact that my body is otherwise clean, is why its rejecting or suffering with this cream medication so much. Again - it's not really helping as much as I originally thought. I might give one more day ... two at most .. but not if I end up bed ridden and sick like I was today.

Pleased to report I have been keeping up the cream and about to enter into day 4 pain free. There is still some discomfort, however when you have been crippled with the pain that comes from an anal fissure, then you will know what it's like not to be so disabled for a few days running!

I've injured myself with an impinged shoulder joint that hurt like hell, but nothing compared to what I was going through before. I'm dare not think I am healed ... NEVER - Not yet at any rate. I'm just thankful for the relief I am finally getting - Touch Wood.

It's such a complex array to contemplate and from what I can gather ... if ever I do enter into weeks or a few months of nor more tearing ... I will be treating myself as still having an annual fissure!!!


Yep sir re - Due to the shoulder pain - my wife passed me two endone tablets which really helped. I noremally don't do meds, neither does my wife. They were old pills from when she broke her leg - she also has MS but into natural alternatives. Anyways - I took the pills and slept like a baby ... it's taken my another two days since to clear my head from the after effect of taking such a heavy med. BUT - Given how hard I have been pushing myself and the resulting shoulder pain from both too much computer time exacerbated with my body building ... + the running ... The taking of the pills has really helped me to slow right down!!! This combined with the persistence of eating right and applying the rectogesic cream ... I seem to be now passing stools without much tearing at all.
In fact - when I now apply the cream I now feel more of a hard rigid line where I suppose the tear has taken place. The sphincter seems less tight and I seem to push more easily no matter how soft or hard the stool. Of course soft is preferred, but I'm sure my main issue has been the super sensitive sphincter muscle.
I've back off the weights - I was lifting too heavy with low sets and putting on too much muscle ... It was taxing me in the end and I'm still recovering... however with the injury sustained and the pills for relief, I do feel a recovery taking place all over my body ... I'm now just walking as my whole body heals.
It'snot easy - I am an anxious type that likes to keep moving lest I quickly turn obese and depression sets in quick! On the other hand, this leads me to giving in to a predisposition of pushing myself very hard all of the time. Ya live and ya learn with age as pain will eventually do the teaching. I have resigned myself to putting on a little weight if not just for a week or two solely for healing.
I will slowly return to running, but only if my body feels it's alright. I was getting lost in the gym mirror to be sure - time for my ego to sit aside. Lets see how day four goes tomorrow and then the next few after that. Keep my eating clean .. but more so for digestive rather than weight.