Dr. Frankenass's Lab

Discuss changes in diet that have helped you manage your fissure, or any supplements or medications/creams that have been effective.

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Dr. Frankenass's Lab

Postby erik » 03 Mar 2008, 22:15

For the last two years my bum hole has been a veritable laboratory.
Dr. Frankenass so to speak.
Discovered that an LIS makes you feel better, much better but still have to be very careful.
botox makes you feel like you have no sphincter.
prescription creams make one tired of living with your finger in your ass.
tea tree oil really, really burns
never trust a doc who wants to laser blast your ass. lasers are for star wars or Stargate SG-1 (my fav show)
that hot baths really feel good, especially when shared by a significant other.
badger healing balm is a nice moisturizer and smells good.
and for my latest experiment!!!!
which, drum roll seems to be really working. i mean better than any other thing i have lathed on my sphincter:
Zim's wound care - Advanced Collagen gel. www.perfectaprocucts.com
(the wound cream NOT the foot cream)
saw in the wound section in King Sooper groceries, next to the bactine
my theory. I have a chronic wound in my ass, one that heals well, then I have one bad day (or a few to many guiness beers or vodka gimlets) and it hurts again. thus chronic.
a chronic wound which is slow to heal, so why not use a natural advanced wound care cream which is simply collagen. (used for diabetic ulcers and other chronic wounds which fail to heal.)
and my fissure has felt better in the last 4 days while using this stuff as it has in months. the gel sticks to the fissure which I can see the white scar tissue to apply with a Q-tip & mirror for tactical precision placement of said collagen Image
so yes another experiment in dr. frankenass's lab.
just like the dyson vacuum guys says...I made 5,000 prototypes before i developed a vacuum that doesn't lose suction.
I will continue on my quest for a totally impervious bum.
So I sip my roobios tea (which I quite like), and laid off the vodka which does take the edge off things and turn out the lights to the frankenass lab tonight.
nite all.
Erik
p.s. authors note: literature says with an LIS - 95% of people will heal 95% of the time and 95% will never have a fissure again.
my theory is that you may feel 95% better but will ALWAYS be subject to a re-tear. It seems that these buggers are alot more persistent than the literature says.
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Re: Dr. Frankenass's Lab

Postby erik » 03 Mar 2008, 22:17

erik
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Re: Dr. Frankenass's Lab

Postby juney » 04 Mar 2008, 10:36

since you're still struggling with your fissure a year after surgery (it's been about a year right?) and so is kate, it makes me feel like not as much of a freak of nature for not healing. i guess LIS just plain works better for some people than others. Image
your new cream is an interesting idea...perhaps the magical solution! i'll let you be the guinea pig, so keep me posted on how it works! Image
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Re: Dr. Frankenass's Lab

Postby Guest » 04 Mar 2008, 11:27

You are so funny! You must be a writer for sure!

I think your theory makes total sense. I think I will try it.
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Re: Dr. Frankenass's Lab

Postby happyass » 19 Mar 2008, 07:50

I think Publisher's Weekly and Kirkus gave Dr. Frankenass's Lab five stars and they predict it will be a classic.
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