So ... Ten days ago, I had the bright idea to stop using the Rectogesic, which I've been using for about four months. I was sick to death of the headaches and other side effects, so I phased it out. And that's how long it took ... ten days, to re-tear! It's very painful at the moment, plus to top things off, my bowels seem to have in mind a number somewhere in double figures for BMs today. I feel like an idiot. The situation wasn't perfect, but it was holding and now I'm back at the beginning. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Things actually went ok for a while, but this morning, despite softness ...... it happened. I'm really confused as to why though. So needless to say, I'm back on the Rectogesic! The headaches were really having an impact on my life. I have a history of chronic pain, since I was 19 actually, when I had a neck injury and the associated pain just never left. It hung around for about 7 years, and I was very lucky to get rid of it, (most people never do). The Rectogesic seems to bring that same sort of pain back, in addition to the headaches. I'd also started to notice a lot of facial twitching, which I thought the Rectogesic could be to blame for, however, that didn't go away when I stopped using it, so I guess not!
Headaches and neck pain are looking pretty good right now! I'm really sorry to vent and complain ... I just really wish I could take it back.
Thankyou all for listening, (as involuntary as that is!)

Sorry about your set back. I know how painful and depressing it can be.
I've read some of your older post and see that you have had your fissure for some time now. Why does your doctor feel you would be at high risk for incontinence?
If you don't mind me asking , do you have some other medical problems that would put you at high risk?
The surgery has been wonderful for me and I hate to see others suffer when LIS can be so helpful and life changing.

*hugs* Sorry to hear about your troubles! Hang in there, things will only get better from here! I also just had a serious re-tear after almost 2 whole months pain free, so I know how you're feeling :( *hugs*

Thanks so much you guys. It really does make a difference talking to others with the same or similar issues. :)
Dawn ... so I actually had an appointment with my CRS just a few hours ago and I guess I must have misunderstood his previous comments about incontinence or something, because he didn't exactly say the same thing this time. I don't know, maybe he was trying, in his own way, to encourage me to make the best effort I could with conservative measures like diet, laxatives and creams, before jumping straight into surgery, by telling me that there was a high risk, because he DID say that ... I don't know! Anyway, this time he told me that the risk of incontinence, in his experience is around 5%. I think those are pretty good odds! My butt was actually feeling quite a bit better today, that is until he stuck his big sausage fingered paw in there! Now it hurts again, but hopefully it'll calm down soon.
He said that he can still see a small fissure, but that it "certainly is smaller than last time" he saw it. That's really encourging, but I can't help but think that this pattern of pretty good then re-tear is just going to go on and on. I'm getting pretty close to a year and a half with this now. That is largely because I got completely the wrong treatment and advice from my primary doctor. Also, I've only just achieved soft BMs in the past two months or so.
I asked him if he thought that it would heal on its own, if I was able to keep things good for 6 months or so. He said "it could, some do". I asked if that was what he thought I should do. He agreed that it was, but that if I wanted the surgery, he would do it right away.
Actually, it all depends on how much it will cost, as I don''t have medical insurance, and he is in private practice. In New Zealand you can go through the 'public system' and not have to pay anything. That is of course if they feel you require surgery and have exausted all other options. I have to wait about 3 1/2 months for my public appointment. My primay doctor told me it could be a VERY long wait for surgery as they are of course much more concerned with cancers and the like. I waited 10 days for the private one! I am grateful that we have such a system at all, but it is not perfect.
FF, so sorry to hear that you're in the same boat. What are your plans re surgery, botox etc.

I'm glad surgery is a possibility for you. I was a little worried for you when I read about the incontinence. I thought you must of had something that increased your chances. When I asked my CRS a million questions before surgery -that was one of them and she said it's never happened and it was basically unheard of. Please be careful about chosing a doctor who has had patients with incontinence.
I didn't have medical insurance either when I had my LIS but was able to get it a surgery center and saved a ton of money by not doing it at the hospital. Let me just say there was about a $20,000 savings!
Good Luck & take care.

Hey!
Glad to hear that you have the option if you wanted to have the surgery, and that the Dr cleared up the previous info you were given! Do you think you'll go for it?
Have you been able to get yourself pain free for any length of time at all really since this ordeal started for you?
No solid plans yet for me, but I meet with the surgeon again next week. She prescribed Diltiazem for me and said if it didn't work within 6 weeks to go back. Its been longer than that, but I was soooo hopeful I could "fix" myself. Not looking so good at this point, so I'll see if she has any other options to suggest before surgery, and go from there. She had told me previously that she would prefer not to have to do surgery, and was hoping things would settle themselves down, so I'm unsure at this point what direction she will take me next. My mom doesn't want me to have any surgery (obviously) but I am leaning more towards that option at this point. Not sure how much more of this heal - tear roller coaster I can take, to be honest. I had a theory about weaning my son to see if it might allow me to heal, because I had read about a few moms on another website who were desperate and tried, and sure enough, haven't had any trouble since. I am hoping to try that first, and if that doesn't help, it looks like surgery might just be my only real hope at getting on with my life.
I'm sad you have been dealing with this as well, but so glad to have someone to talk to who knows exactly how I feel right now! :) it makes such a difference!

Yeah, I think I probably will go for surgery. My gut feeling is that this is just going to go on and on. Hell, it's gone on and on a bit already. The private CRS I saw yesterday is going to mail me a costing for the LIS, but unless it's affordable (stop laughing!), I will be waiting for my public hospital appointment. I already paid for one opperation about 18 months ago when I needed to have an Ovarian Dermoid Cyst and some pretty severe Endometriosis removed. It was extreemly taxing financially and I don't think the finances can cope with any more medical spending. So, there will almost certainly be at least a few months wait before any surgery for me. I figure by then, I'll have just about made up my mind that it is the only option.
I have actually had some fairly long periods of 'quiet' on the butt front. I wouldn't call any of them "pain free" though. I think the longest I went was about a month. A month spent perched on a porcelain bowel, breathing deeply, trying to achieve a 'zen' anal state. A month where, at moments, I felt I was making real progress, and then ... well you know ... ouch!
I really wanted to fix myself too! It's just so difficult to face surgery. I've had two surgeries in the past, the one I mentioned and another to have a couple of benign tumors removed from my back several years ago. I have had post op infections with both of them. Infact, this whole AF debacle stems from the last operation I had and all the constipating antibiotics they gave me afterwards. I think maybe there is going to come a time when I have to put my fears aside a just do it. After all, I don't want to be using Rectogesic, fearing the toilet and eating this diet for the rest of my life! I can do it as long as there's an end in sight, but not forever.
I've read the same thing about weaning. Certainly worth a try! Hang in there :D