Sometimes lately, I just so want to wake up and realize that this was all just one, long, bad dream. And sometimes I think that what is bothering me most now is all the stuff that has come along with the fissure. Because actually my fissure is not now in the excruciating pain phase, thank goodness. But it is in the nothing ever just feels like it used to and I want that back phase! I want to just get up and go in the morning like I used to and be able to use my baby wipes and not have it be irritated. I want to be able to just get up and take a shower and not have to soak afterwards. I want to be able to go past lunch and into the evening without having 3-4 more bms that require taking off my clothes to clean up, etc...I want to be able to just have fun and not think about any of this at all (like poor NG did the other day) and have no consequences!
All that said, I am one very lucky lady. I have a very supportive husband and a wonderful adult daughter. I am retired at a young age and due to a conservative lifestyle of both sets of our parents and ourselves, do not have to worry too much about money at this point. In fact, one of the things that we have looked forward to in retirement was to travel. And I am chief travel agent and enjoy arranging those things for us. We were supposed to fly to Florida in February, rent a car, and drive around the state. And we have been looking at going to Italy for 3 weeks next fall. However, it has been hard for me to think about those things with everything going on. Sometimes I don't really want to leave the house or when I do, find myself on the quest for bathroom and then misery.
So after my botox appointment yesterday and realizing he didn't want to do LIS for now, I found myself thinking- let's grab this chance and go somewhere like two weeks after the botox. Just find some good deal somewhere warm and fly there and do nothing but snorkel and be on a beach. That is what I would like to do. But hubby said I just sounded "desperate" and that he didn't think we should go anywhere. But I was thinking that 2 weeks after I will probably feel better and that if we wait, then we might be "on hold" again and certainly not able to plan ahead for a semi-roadtrip staying somewhere different every night.
Any thoughts?
And I know there are many worse problems in the world right now. My husband is a bladder cancer survivor and had a questionable result on his checkup in September. So we are kindof waiting for the other shoe to drop at his checkup in April...
Bambi

well between now and april, there is plenty of time.
maybe plan a shorter length of a trip? perhaps a romantic weekend getaway....even if it is just a short drive away.
right now the beaches of costa rica are sounding splendid. or even just the beaches of hawaii!
you both deserve it and it would be a great opportunity to recharge both of your batteries since both of you have had a lot on your minds with health stuff.
if you don't think you can travel, is there anyway to make book a massage for both of you in town and then have a lovely dinner - maybe at an organic restaurant that only uses local, fresh goods. and end the night, under the stars or surrounded by snow, but holding each other tight, keeping each other warm and happy.
trust me, i traveled with this fissure to places that i never thought i would make it through but i did. in buenos aires, i found a wonderful little solution (droplets) that i could put in water and it would help smooth out a BM pronto - so i indulged in the freshest cuts of meat there (so delicious) and in the morning made an effort to eat yogurt, prunes, and a high fiber oatmeal with my droplets day and night.
those drops were amazing. and it was sold in their pharmacies without a prescription. i was like - why don't we have that here - it was specifically for anal fissure sufferers!!! LOL!
despite my latest ordeal, which i am really feeling so much better lately, i was worried a bit because i am going to asia next week. and there is a 13 hour flight from chicago to my destination. i was like, how am i going to endure a 13 hour flight with a raw ass? well, that is why i will take some cash with me and buy as much gin and vodka to make some tonic drinks and forget the discomfort.
i had a great BM this morning and work day and well, i hope i can keep it this way. unfortunately i have also found myself struggling with the stupid angel gas air that i know is lurking in my intestines and rectum and just builds up - so i have, on my worst behavior, urged them to come out by pushing. so i am pushing it today.
i will probably have another BM later tonight. i've been averaging about two a day. great consistency. no additional softners or fiber supplements taken.
if you want to go on a trip, do it! deal with everything else but just go prepared. i think there is more anxiety when you have nothing up your sleeve to manage a sensitive situation.
i travel for work so i have to deal with it. whether i like it or not. and well, it has helped. i just deal.
and i go on.

Thank you so much. I really think I'm just going to sit down with my husband tomorrow and say, let's just plan something and hopefully it will work out. It is stressing me out more to not live our lives. I appreciated all your thoughts and will read them again after the hubhub dies down!

Bambi,
Good luck. We are going to Florida for 2 weeks in Jan/Feb, and I am so looking forward to it. I spoke with my friend who lives in Denver the other day on the phone. He worked in Boulder during the 2 summers that I spent in Colorado (in Estes and when I attended summer school in Boulder). I understand what you mean about planning stuff. We had to cancel a month-long trip we had paid for to Australia/New Zealand in '07 if that makes you feel any better! (because of my butt issues)

It is so aggravating isn't it? One of my big dream trips is to spend 3 weeks in Italy just wandering a little bit- going to Rome, Amalfi, maybe Cinque Terre. We have been thinking for 2 years that the fall of 2011 would be the time, but now I am not so sure. You hate to go somewhere so special and be miserable. But on the other hand, my husband points out that I tend to have some kind of malady that I acquire on most trips (I don't know why...)- a rash in Austria and Mexico, my knee suddenly stopped working in Austria, I always get sick in Mexico even when I'm the only one being cautious- they are all eating lettuce and ice and I get sick...I always just keep on trucking for those of you old enough to remember that saying. I hopped around Prague faster than most people walk and we used only public transportation and had an absolute blast! So then I think oh what the heck. At least I could plan for this one!

It was aggravating, but now I am OK and still have my ointment to use whenever I need it, and my digestive system is so much better than in '07. Just looking forward to Florida and warmer weather!!!

So you are now pretty much "normal"? Were you one of the ones who eventually had LIS? And you are going to Florida Jan/Feb? I will post somewhere else on this site to ask you about that.

Yes, I am pretty much normal. No LIS for me!! :D Leaving sunny Midwest for Florida January 19 for 2 weeks--Forty Myers Beach, Florida.