I am not having a good day today guys :(
I've dealt with this fissure for so frickin long now, changed my diet completely, stayed consistently on movicol since November, used vile creams. Its given me thrush from hell, got in the way of work and university and my love life... Its got so bad again recently but the idiots at the hospital told me all they could see were internal hemorrhoids and so I actually thought for weeks that it was gone and the pain I was dealing with was piles instead...then went to the docs again... and again...and was told today it was still there. I get told different things from each professional I see. I don't know whose opinion to trust, I just know I'm in pain so much and its not normal and it shouldn't be happening.
I have a private appointment and I'm so relieved about that. But I don't know if I can afford treatment privately, it just costs so much. I'm actually frightened of going back to the NHS hospital because it was such a sh*t experience last time. What if I do and they just tell me its not there again?
I am trying to finish my masters dissertation, which is due in next week yet all I can think of is this. I have a job lined up when I finish and I should be so happy about that but all I can think of is what if I have to take time off work? How will I explain such an embarrassing problem to my employers? What if I lose all the opportunities I've worked so hard to get? What if I can't move out of home? It is a total motherf*cker.
Sorry for the massive whinge and being such a negative nancy but I'm sure so many of you can relate...I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really scared.