I don't like to be a downer, but I'm wondering if letting off a little of this despair might help? I don't know. I have such a long history of health problems going back more than 25 years that includes harrowing tests, pain, illnesses, countless medications with devastating effects, painful surgeries that have left their impact with ongoing painful problems, and have off and on suffered with fissures over the course of all those years. But this fissure event, which started in sept. of 2011 is like nothing I have known. Multiple fissures, actually. I have at least 3 and actually one new one that just opened two days ago. I've consulted with different doctors, none of whom think surgery is a good idea for me because surgeries have always turned out so badly for me in the past and because I am at a high risk for complications and a poor outcome. My weight is around 95 pounds and at 5 feet 7 I look horrible. Crohns is a possibility but there isn't any way I can undergo invasive testing to find out at this point.
It is just such a hard thing to endure day after day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
The biggest problem with these fissures is there is absolutely no way to get my bowel to behave the way I need it to for fissure healing. No combination of diet, supplements, etc., help. In order to keep stools soft enough I end up with multiple trips to the bathroom every day with diarrhea. Back off at all and the first time in the morning is just too bulky to pass without retearing.
I've tried every kind of diet modification within the limits of what my bowel can tolerate, tried topicals like nifedipine, tried dilation at home (which may have contributed to the new fissure I have going on now).
I'm just really discouraged and having a hard time today. With no plan for anything to bring relief I simply have to learn how to live my life within this context, and come to a point of acceptance, but I'm having a hard time with it. And my weight is really a problem I've got to figure out. It's just that if I eat any more than I am I go to the bathroom even more often.
Thank you to anyone who has read this. I just needed a place to put this today.