I finally managed to figure out squatting over the toilet and its made a HUGE difference. My BMs are painless now, and the spasms are decreasing just a little bit every day. I wanted to start this thread so that we could talk about squatting and how its different for women.
Women have larger hips then men. Our pelvic area is also shaped differently, to allow for the passage of a baby. In general, women are going to take a wider squat then men. To squat properly, most women need to spread their legs further than hip distance apart, especially if you are somewhat stiff in the hips or ankles.
All the descriptions/youtube videos of squatting showed men putting a crate box or similar in front of the toilet. This doesn't work for me. I can't be in that position and hold up my weight at all. It does nothing to facilitate smooth BMs.
I took two FULL gallon paint containers and placed them next to the toilet. (If my toilet was a face, they would have been placed where a little girl would have pig tails.) The heavy paint containers mean that they won't slip out from under me. It took a few "dry runs" before finding the right location to fit my needs.
Now, we I feel the urge to go, I take my pants all the way off. I STAND on top of the paint cans and lower down into the squat. That lowering movement is the magic for me. If the poop is ready to come, it will do so right as I am just hovering over the toilet. If it doesn't come right away, my muscles relax so that I'm really sitting on the toilet instead of squatting over it, and the magic is over. If this happens, I stand up, walk around a bit and then go back to standing on the paint cans and lower myself down. Its never taken me more than two shots to have a completely painless, effortless BM.
I am a woman of size (that means I'm a bit on the fat side for those who don't know) and my joints are stiff. This can work for us!