Though I am new to this board I think I can relate to all of the depression and darkness we feel on a day-to-day basis. I have poured through the information and I feel like I finally understand what it takes to heal this. The problem is that it is so easy for other factors to mess up any progress that has been made. For example I am concerned because on Wednesday I see my CRS ( that I am switching to because he is going to be more convenient with my work being nearby) Which means he will want to stick that nasty thing in there and that may reverse the last several days which have been very very good I feel like I have made progress. At any rate, I am a music nut and sometimes a song will speak to me. In fact many times. And today the song that spoke to me was called carry-on. Because no matter how dark and dreadful this crap is, if we stop what we are doing then it will beat us. And we have to live our lives. This song is about war and that is what we are fighting a war against pain and pain of any kind is indeed a fight. I'm going to try to take a lesson away from this to try to be a better nurse to my hospice patients and better understand the pain that they go through because compared to what they are suffering my pain is nothing. And I'm very happy because I found a memory foam pillow and discovered that driving with an ice pack on my fanny can get me through anything. Here is the song, it is a heavy metal song which may not be to everyone's particular liking but listen to it and picture yourself marching off to fight and that this is what we must do every day. And tomorrow when my attitude is not so good maybe someone else can cheerlead for me.

That's a good inspiring piece of music to listen to!
I like to play Muse ... Survival . It helps me stay strong. I don't know how to put a link of it up though!
OMB x

Awesome!

yes, it's so important to find things that boost mental well being and practice them every day. Actually, it's critical for everyone to do this every day for health, but it is most essential during times of illness. Thank you!
As far as the anoscope, it really isn't needed. If the CRS can't see your fissure by simple inspection, he doesn't need to do the scope. He can go by your symptoms to determine you have a fissure. If he absolutely wants to visualize it he can sedate you and do the exam under anesthesia. The benefit to this is not only the obvious (that you won't feel it), but also because the sphincter will relax under anesthesia, there will be less likelihood of damage to the fissure. Exam under anesthesia is very very common. However, many surgeons who are really experienced with fissures don't even feel this step is necessary to diagnse and treat a fissure.
Keep us posted!

Okay, so if I see that thing sitting out in it's nice little sterilized baggy I know I'm going to be up for a fight. But I will just nicely say I am going to request respectfully that you don't need to use that scope and this is why. I don't have any problem doing that. You don't know how much I appreciate you telling me that because the last doctor didn't even tell me he was going to do it I guess he just figured that if he did it would make it worse. The crappy part is I respect that doctor and he has been known by my family for years. Perhaps it is better that I am going to be seeing someone else. No anal scope for me! And here is that song I daresay I shall use it too. Maybe we could start a thread with our inspiring songs.

Thanks!!
OMB x

"Maybe we could start a thread with our inspiring songs"
I enjoy Alice Cooper's - "Welcome to My Nightmare".
Believe it sort of sums things up when it comes to the pain...