So some good news first: The horrible tearing, ripping sensation is gone, and I have only had one small incident of blood in the past three weeks.
The bad news: at the top of my rectum, ie: under my tailbone but right at the very top of my anus, the muscle has turned as hard as granite and is just agonizing. Oddly enough I am not having spasms, just a constant feeling that this knob of muscle is inflamed. No discharge nor blood. Nor urgent need to have a BM. When I apply my Nifidepine I no longer even feel like the internal skin is raw or sensitive. Just this ball which makes sitting down horrific, which sucks because my job entails sitting down. A lot. A hot soak takes it down a bit and so does the Nifideipine but it's usually short-lasting. I take Clonazepam for anxiety and at night it helps somewhat to relax the muscles but the next day it usually flares up again.
Anyone else have this? I honestly don't even feel like I have a fissure anymore, just this knob of muscle. It is tender and swollen but not hot or red-like if it were infected. Is this the start of a fistula? Is this some kind of abnormal mass? Does the involuntary sphincter muscle start at that point and circle the anus? I have no idea what the anatomy is?
I was out last Thursday and sat the wrong way on a booth seat, kind of on the edge and the next day that knob just exploded in agony.
I actually had a good day yesterday where I felt human again. So much for that.
Still trying to fight the good fight.