i just wanted to share something really positive with everyone. I was at a chinese restaurant today and my fortune said "Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up". Those words of encouragement from a cookie couldn't have come at a more appropriate time.
I finally feel like I'm nearing the end of this hellish tunnel. It's been 16 months now - lots of pain, tears and disappointments, 2 surgeries, etc. you all know my story. Anyway, today is my first really normal day in so long (no MOM last night, no baths today, and NO painkillers for the first time in MONTHS!) and i can honestly say I feel pretty good. I should also mention I had a BM last night and this morning, with no problems! I know the fissure is/was there, I can feel it a little bit. It's not completely healed, but I know I'm ALMOST there. it's the best feeling I've had in so long. I'm scared to get my hopes up, but i think things are looking up for me. and if my stubborn fissure can heal, so can everyone else's!
So i just want to reiterate to everyone: "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP"
xoxo

That is great news, Juney! You don't know how happy I am for you. I felt so bad for you having to go through 2 surgeries and being in this limbo for so long. You are so tough and brave. Although this experience has been difficult you have come out ahead.

It is such wonderful news and it gives me hope that I can get through my ordeal too.

Cheers to you! :teddyluv:

Congrats Juney! I hope the trend continues (knock on wood).

grrrrrr. of course i spoke too soon. i knew i would jinx it if i let myself get optimistic. :( after a couple weeks of feeling pretty good i had a setback yesterday. i guess i got too comfortable. i drank too much saturday night and didn't eat well and didn't take all my stool softeners on sunday, so i had a harder than usual bm yesterday. it stung coming out. no blood, just a stretching feeling and a new stinging pain during bm, and then the same old pain all day after.

it was ironic b/c yesterday was also the day i saw a CRS at kaiser. she wanted to do a thorough exam under anesthesia but i said no, i don't want anything hurting it while i think it's trying to heal. i'm going back to see her in 3 months, sooner if i need to. the only option i really have now is botox. i've never heard of anyone having botox after surgery?!? what's wrong with me?!

even with MOM last night and all my stool softeners, I had another painful bm this morning. i'm PRAYING this doesn't set me back too much. i was finally feeling like my life was getting back on track...and it was a great feeling!

On top of all this, I'm having surgery to remove my uterine fibroids on thursday. please keep me all in your thoughts! the last thing i need is for this unrelated surgery to damage the fissure or cause me anymore setbacks. i just don't think i can handle much more.

what a year. Next year will better.
If you are having any good days that is a good sign. I have had this stupid fissure thing for nearly 2 years. That area is really, really slow to heal.
The Botox has the same effect as the surgery, at least theoretically. But it is worth an ask. I wonder though if you are one of the few candidates for dialation. I also wonder if the wound is contaminated and that is why it is taking so long to heal. Have you asked about these?

no i wouldn't consider dilation. i've read too many HORROR stories on that method. i'll take baths for the rest of my life if that means no dilation! hehe.
the wound and entire anal area is clean. the CRS yesterday said she saw a little discharge from the area, but that that just means it's not completely healed. i started freaking out and asked over and over if that means an infection or abcess and she said definitely not. there are no other symptoms, and during my past 2 surgeries the dr saw only a simple fissure, no cancer or anything else that might be compromising it.
i feel like there's just that little external bit that has yet to heal over. i can feel that it's gotten smaller for sure. it used to hurt sooo bad to cough or sneeze, now it doesn't.
i'm still trying to be hopeful....maybe i'll be back on track again next week. maybe 2 weeks of "good" days is a good sign.

I am sorry, honeybunch! Dang, that sucks big time. I know how it must feel to finally feel like you are getting your life back and then this happens.

I think you are going to have hard BMs from time to time. Even if you do everything right you can still have problems. You know how to get yourself back on track. I know it is hard but for a year I would say act like you have a fissure even if you don't. I know that will be tough and that is a lot to ask a young person to do.

I will keep you in my prayers for your surgery. I had surgery over the summer and taking MOM really helped. I also started the supplement Natural Advantage for chronic constipation that Buttgirl recommended and that seems to help. I am taking pain killers that are constipating but it seems like it is helping me go every day.

I am sorry-I know how it feels and it is a terrible feeling.

:leiamas:

I have heard horror stories too. But every time I poo I just wish that the hole were a little wider so that the poo wouldn't rub on the way out. I wish there were some way to control the stretch better--we can stretch the rest of our muscles, why not that one?
Anyway, I know it is discouraging to have a relaspe after feeling better, but the point is that you were feeling better and overall are feeling better. Now, it's just a matter of time. Hang in there.

yes, having a wider hole would be awesome. sometimes i feel like that's why i'm not healing, it's just too tight. i don't know much about dilation other than the bad stories i've read, but it seems like sticking something large in there would hurt more than it would help....maybe that's why it's not used as often now...i don't know, i guess at this point i should consider anything...

I usually feel a bit better after a rectal exam (except for last week). I think it does stretch things a bit and makes it more comfortable.

I don't think you are starting from scratch though. I think in a few days you will feel better.