I can't even believe this. I almost feel like I'm in shock.
I should start off by saying I've been feeling constipated lately. I've been taking Naproxen 2x per day due to some severe shoulder pain that I've spent $1000's on and still don't have a diagnosis for. In addition, I take Spironolactone, which can cause constipation.
Woke up this morning, got ready for work like usual. About 5 minutes before heading out the door I needed to go to the bathroom. No big deal, right? I only passed a small stool, and I wasn't straining, but as soon as I started passing it I felt pain. I immediately became startled, because boy did it feel familiar. It wasn't HORRIFYINGLY INTENSE, but it hurt and burned a bit. And sure enough, although there was no blood when I wiped, there was a spot of blood on my stool.
Cue me crying hysterically for the next hour or so, until I thought I would throw up.
I had my first fissure back in 2009, and it lasted at least 1.5 years, maybe 2. It's hard to remember now. But it was the most miserable period in my life. It wouldn't heal, I stopped eating and dropped to 90lbs, and I was constantly depressed and in pain. I never had the heavy bleeding other people describe (blood dripping into the bowl, blood on toilet paper, etc), generally just spots of blood on my stool. I had LIS surgery eventually, which didn't go well at all. I couldn't urinate afterward, so the nurse put a catheter in me, but because that entire area down there was swollen, she had a very difficult time. It took them a solid 5 minutes, and that part in particular was easily the worst experience of my life. I have interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia, so everything down there hurts. BAD. I can't even have normal female exams because the pain is truly astonishing. The doctor also gave me a stimulant laxative, which caused me to have hard stool the day after my surgery, so I bled some more. I'm sure that did me no good whatsoever. Healing was very slow.
Most importantly, the muscle "twitches"/spasms (mine have always been painless) didn't stop after LIS. They slowed down a lot, but every now and then I still feel a twitch. Until now I've kinda just shrugged and accepted it.
Which is why I'm so terrified right now. I have another fissure, and I still have muscle twitches. I feel like the odds of this healing are slim to none without a second surgery.
I still get pain with my scar tissue. Indeed, I was still so sore a number of months after the surgery that they put me out to take a look and see if I had a fistula (I didn't). I had a different colorectal surgeon do that procedure, since I was still angry with my previous one for brushing me off after the surgery. The surgeon said she only saw the scar tissue, no remaining fissure/fistula.
Since then I occasionally had mild burning down there, and used Calmoseptine to great effect.
I'm thinking that this new fissure may be the same one, since it feels like it's in the same spot. I just...I can't believe this. I can't believe that just yesterday I was fine. I can't believe I have to do this all over again. Back in 2009 I was in college, but now I work every day 9-5 sitting at a desk all day. How in the world am I going to get through this?
I'm planning on being very aggressive with home treatment. Chugging water, Miralax every day, maybe sticking to ONLY oatmeal, probiotics, warm baths with epsom salt, wipes with witch hazel, Calmoseptine and maybe a new ointment I haven't tried before that has good reviews called Mayinglong Musk cream... I already take a magnesium supplement called SlowMag. Are there any other supplements/vitamins people would recommend?
I'm probably going to put a call in and make an appointment with a colorectal surgeon (one I haven't seen before, since I've moved since the last one). I'd like to start using that nitro ointment again ASAP.
God help me. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I don't know if I can do this again.