Hey all so it’s been a while since I posted,
Things have been going along quite well over the last year but I had a recent incident that felt like I was torn again right at the 11pm position where my scar tissue is from previous surgery. It seems such a fragile place and hurts like a paper cut when I touch it, no blood though on Bm or on wiping.

I honestly don’t know if it’s a superficial tear or a haemorrhoid under the skin that I can’t see but it hurts to touch or push. I’m back on diltiazem cream that I had left over and I just feel so depressed about the whole thing. I’ve lost track of time, 6 years now I think without sex and always scared of a retear and I just want to be back to normal now. (Don’t we all!!) I don’t want to go back to my doctor as it feels the more they do the worse It makes things. Once again could do with a hug!

FF

Oh no FF..... you and me both!

Sounds like what has happened to me... the pain is coming from old scar tissue.

I know how you feel about seeing the dr.... but in the end I had to. I’m seeing my CRS tomorrow.

I totally understand the depression and anxiety that hit you like a bus when this happens.... I’ve struggled badly this time.

Huge hugs OMB xx

Thanks OMB. We’ve really had a journey together over the years!! Did you have any bleeding?

Yes, we have!! Lucky us....... not!

No, no blood at all.

I saw my CRS yesterday... the examination really hurt.. felt like he had pulled my bum a mile apart... but he said it looks like it’s starting to heal, and that it’s still acute with clean edges.... and to keep going with the rectogesic. I can switch to diltiazam if I need to. I have to give it another 4-6 weeks.
He did say that as this fissure had been caused by a hard bm that it was a different beast to the original one caused by the surgery...... so I now have hope that I can get on top of this one and not be stuck with it for 5 years like last time!
This information probably applies to you too.

Xxxx

Sounds like we’re in the same boat! Mine feels very small and superficial it feels more like a paper cut. I’m keeping going with my diltiazem twice a day and today’s BM didn’t hurt as bad but I pushed on my perineum to stop the anterior section streaching. The rest of the sphincter is fine and pain free thank god! I’ve just got to be patient and that’s so hard for me to do

Ff x

Sorry you're still suffering. My personal preference now is to avoid the use of creams and ointments (nitro, diltiazem, etc.) altogether - they just seem to make the trouble worse. Though I still have pain, I can manage without them, so aim to continue that way. The best treatment I've found after 5 years of this is to avoid stress and worry wherever possible - that really seems to work for me.

How do you do this dmcff? I would be very happy to learn. Thank you.

Alas, I'm not sure that it can be taught. After years of anxiety about my AF I simply came to the realisation that it's a condition that can be dealt with by techniques like mindfulness, meditation and controlled breathing. I even find that just listening to music can help. The pain doesn't go away, but it's significantly less than if I allow my mind to fill with images of fear and stress.