Hi there

I am 52 year old unlucky male. Unlucky because I have severe health anxiety for 20 years, including cancer fobia, ALS phobia, Covid phobia, you name it. If I have some problem, I immediately think it is cancer. I don't go to the doctors much, because I have such fear of hearing the diagnose, of the painful procedures etc...

My story so far: I have had problems with stomach, colon and anus for last 20 years, but not for a few years now. Last problems were in 2010, when I went to the proctoscopy (found only a small hemorrhoid that should not make problems) and colonoscopy where they found a small 0.5 cm polyp that was not dangerous (multiplastic one).

Fast forward to around 14 days back... I have had a terrible virus ilness of unknown origin, I was in bed for a week and feeling ill another week. Maybe it was corona, never tested and survived. It was like a bad flu. I had some loose stools when I was sick and my rectum was burning a little when having bowel movement, but I didn't pay attention to it, I had flu, was normal somehow.

One day I've had a little diarrhea in a bowel movement and in the same movement I had constipation after that diarrhea with quite hard stool and I got sharp pain at that point. I immediately got scared because constipation preceding diarrhea is quite normal if you ate something bad, but vice versa... Diarrhea can not precede constipation in the same movement if there is no tumor in the colon that blocks stool and the liquid goes by. I have never had diarrhea + constipation in the same movement (in that order). I got really scared that this is cancer and with bowel movement I had torn it...

My problem is that I am color blind for red, at least partly. I have hard time seeing blood, but when I had some hemorrhoid problems or such sharp paint in the past and got a little red on the tissue, I saw it as red. This time I didn't have anything on the paper resembling that.

Since that day my misery started... I've had rectal pain in the anus since then for 14 days. It is a little better and a little worse... When I go to make a bowel movement, sometimes I feel a little pain but not much (I try hard to have loose stools not hard ones, with psylium)... But after some time, anal paint starts and doesn't leave me...

It is worse sitting down than lying and walking. It is throbbing pain, I would not say it is so painful, but it is gnawing. The location is such that I can not find myself to not think about it. Even my testicle is a little sore sometimes because of this rectal pain.

I have tried hemorrhoid cream Preparation H and nothing is better. I have for the last 7 days try to put a little olive oil in the anus. It seems not to help...

First day or two when I put finger in my anus I palpated like a bunch of grape like small soft balls. I thought that were internal hemorrhoids that is why I thought this was my problem. Next day they dissapeared and I can not feel anything inside anus any more, just a tense sphincter and the walls are painful to touch somehow. Touching prostate is also a little painful.

Can this be anything else than cancer? It is not improving for 14 days :-( Is there any other option, like fissure (that is how I found your site)? But fissure makes pain immediately after BM, not whole day? Usually mornings are best and evenings are worst. I do not have much pain in the night at least not so severe that would wake me up.

Pain is as I said, gnawing, like a root canal inflammation, I would just tear my rectum out sometimes (a metaphore!).

Now I have not been to the doctor yet this time around, first they are busy with covid and one has to wait, and secondly... I was reading my notes from 2010... I had exactly the same symptoms, just they didn't start after diarrhea/constipation episode... I had this problems for weeks and months then. At that time I went to proctoscopy, it was VERY VERY painfull for me, couldn't stand on my feet after because I felt like he broke my bladder :-( He found nothing wrong! A little visible hemorrhoid not even inflamed. And it was at the same time that I have such similar pain as I do now... I went to colonoscopy, it was even more dreadful experience, I seem to be extra sensitive of air dilatation. Cleaning was no problem but the procedure was so painful that I thought he had punctured my colon :-( They found a little polyp that was the benign type. No chron, no ulcerative colitis, nothing...

The problem is 10 years passed by, I am now at "cancer age". I hate this somatoform disorder, because I can not really tell if this is stage IV cancer (early cancer does not have pain) or is is nothing or something in between...

Can fissure or internal hemorrhoid make such symptoms, gnawing pain most of the day for days? And nothing helps :-(

Can it be psychosomatic? Part of my IBS/stomach dyspepsia (yes, I was on gastroscopy also in 2005), part of my everyday problems nobody can find out why they are. I mean, I can not believe that such pain could not be cancer, but I have neck pain for 1 year and they found only minor problems, not explaining the pain, I've had globus in my throat for one year etc... I can just go from one doctor to the other because I always have some health problems. I am sick of going to the doctors and painful examination, up to now they never were able to help me. So I willprobably die because I will miss cancer now or some later day. Because I can not distinguish the symptoms of serious ilness and of the somatoform disorder. And I can not go to the doctors every week for some new (or old that came back) problem.

Anyway, thank you for listening me, sorry my English, I am from Europe, English is not my language.

Anybody have any idea what this wierd pain could be? I don't see every tiny drop of blood somewhere in the stool, but as far as I know and see, there isn't any blood in my stool or paper or rectum when I put creme inside.

Yours Desperate

Jerry

Hi there, here's what I think, although you really need to see a doctor and not get advice on this from an internet forum: it sounds like a typical fissure. Fissures can bleed just like what you've described. The pain can radiate into surrounding areas too. And yes, the pain can last all day long. You are highly unlikely to have cancer, but since your anxiety is so high I strongly suggest going to see a therapist and getting on some medication to help. Living in fear is no way to live. Running from one doctor to another isn't going to help you either.

The good news is your fissure is new so you have a high chance of healing. Hemorrhoid creams aren't going to help you but a colorectal specialist can prescribe ointments that help. Do not use steroids, they don't heal fissures. Take a gentle laxative like miralax, do warm sitz baths, reduce how much time you sit, and reduce stress most of all. Take care, and I hope you heal soon.

Thank you very much for your answer. I don't see any blood, I think I don't bleed...

Can fissure last so long? I never thought fissure can have pain all day, it says few minutes after BM to few hours.

I am unlucky, as I do not have bath, only shower :-(

IF it is fissure, putting olive oil into rectum is ok?

Is fissure only on the anal beginning? My pain is not only outside, but also inside the rectum, like the first few cm...

Could I palpate fissure? As I do not palpate anything, only pain when I apply cream inside. Everything is so tender to touch, but no cut can be felt or anything else (I felt inside hemorrhoids the first day this happened).

Another thing that is the same as 10 years ago: I need to have BM immediately after I open my eyes in the morning... Not at night but first think in the morning.

I will see a doctor, but as you told, I can run from one to the other all my life... I will try to see therapist also for my health anxiety.

I remember what doctor told me 10 years ago: If such 24/7 pain would be from cancer, it would be stage IV, early cancers unfortunately do not have pain. And if it would be stage IV, you would not be looking so good, you would not have same weight etc...

It sounds like the main problem is the cancer anxiety - and since you have been examined and tested by doctors and they have found no cancer, maybe you can put those fears to rest? It's been my experience that if doctors - including CRS - don't find cancer, ulcerative colitis or Crohn's disease in an anal context they usually lose interest in a case rather fast. Yes, anal fissures can recur and become chronic, and the advice you got from patience_and_healing is good - I think you should follow it.

I was tested 10 years ago, that is the problem. In 10 years there could be a new cancer, I think it grows like 7-10 years...