Ok, I don't want to jinx myself, but Monday will be 4 weeks on the ointment and I have to say it's really looking good. Yesterdays and todays Bm's reminded me of how good it felt to just go to the bathroom and it was a relief. It felt like Bm's use to before fissure days.
I have been religiously taking my sitz baths 3x's a day for atleast 20 minutes. Using my own compound I created( desitin, fresh aloe plant,vit.E capsule broken, vaseline that has vit.E and aloe in it- all mixed together). I also have been alternating baking soda, epsom salt or aveeno oatmeal bath in my sitz baths. I sleep with a heating pad on my bum most of the night, And most of all keeping my fissure diet and taking 3 colaces a day with plenty of water. I'm doing all I can and this seems to be going well.
If I have to have the surgery, then I know I have gave this my best shot.
Hoping and praying things continue to go well for me and all of you.

Sounds like your doing very well dawn, I like your routine too, keep up the good work!

Thank you Steve:)
I'm hoping that this will work. I appreciate the support!

Dawn, it sounds like you are doing everything you should be doing. The diltiazem is effective for a lot of people, and if you combine it with sitz baths, a good diet and lots of fluids and fibre, you are doing everything you can be doing.
The only other thing I would be doing, and you may already be doing it, is to try very hard to relax and eliminate stress from your life. Soaking in a tub is good, because it kills two birds with one stone. But any form of relaxation is good because it will improve your digestion and reduce the intensity of the rectal muscle spasms. You can even concentrate on relaxing the spincter muscles.
None of this worked for me, but it works for many, many people, and it sounds like it's working for you. Keep it up!

relaxing is the part for me... I have a lot of anxiety about this whole situation. I know how fast things can change, no matter how hard you're trying. It's especially hard for me right when I wake up in the morning. I wake up wondering if today is going to be the day I start over again. I am so scared that I will have to have surgery and I have read some good things but I can't help but think of all the horror stories more than the good. I am trying though!

You can even concentrate on relaxing the spincter muscles.
I spent 2 weeks with a nurse using a biofeedback device doing exactly that (and in my motel at night)!!

I meant to say relaxing is the hard part. Not because of life but because of the anxiety with this fissure. How can I relax the rectal muscles? I'm not sure what to do.
I realized how I tense up down there when I had an awful hem. Every time I would tense up it hurt worse. I though it was funny because every time one of my daughters called my name I would do it and it hurt worse...
I'm trying not to get discouraged and I'm not in any real pain right now, but your optimism kind of runs low when you have so many highs and lows. It's been 3 weeks with no blood and no real pain just a little tight and pinchy feeling. I'm so nervous though especially since that time of the months coming and I'm still not sure if it's coincidence or if that's going to cause a problem. Also the fact that I started the diltiazem for this 5 months after getting the fissure. The longest I healed before without anything but baths and diet was 4 weeks. My husband thinks there's a good chance since it was diet choices that caused the setback, and if I'd known then how long I needed to stay on the fissure diet, I wouldn't have ate what I did. I was completely unaware of how long it takes to heal until reading on here.

Many of us have gone through exactly what you are going through, and it is very difficult to be optimistic when you are literally sick with worry.
It is not anything you have done or not done that has caused your fissure. While you may be able to do some things to help your fissure, you should not for one minute feel guilty about what you may have done or not done. We all do the best we can, and we all slip up along the way. Every one of us. You just keep doing the best you can and hope for a really good outcome. This is not your fault, for sure.
As for the relaxation part, it's not complicated or difficult. Just find something that relaxes you, and make sure it has a permanent place in your calendar. It might be going for a walk, or a swim, or reading, or doing yoga, or whatever. Anything that relaxes you will have a positive effect.
If you get spasms in your anal sphincter, then you know what they feel like. Many of us get them when we have BMs, or afterwards, and they are painful for many of us. If you have ever been peeing, and your body shuts down the stream of pee by contracting a muscle, that's the anal sphincter in spasm. The next time you are soaking in a tub, just think about avoiding that feeling. See if you can control it as much as possible. Any progress is great, because the anal sphincter is an involuntary muscle, so you're not supposed to be able to control it at all. But if you practice, and think about relaxing that muscle, it is possible to exert some control over it. And if you can prevent the sphincter from going into spasm, you are helping your fissure heal.
Finally, even if you end up having to have surgery, take it from me it is not the end of the world. If I had to choose between having the surgery again and my old twice daily regimen of diltiazem, sitz baths, Tucks, carrying a stool with me and the worry and anxiety, I would choose the surgery in a minute. No contest. Yes, the surgery sucks, and it hurts, but four weeks out and I am starting to forget what it felt like to have fissure pain. I have no anxiety about BMs or planning activities in the morning or away from the house, I don't travel with Tucks, spare underwear and a portable stool anymore, and I don't have to plan my days around possible BM and fissure nightmares. So, by all means, do everything you can to avoid the surgery. Most people heal without the surgery, and a good thing too. But, if you do have to have the surgery, you get it done, and in a few weeks it's over. That's not so bad, I can honestly say.

thank you so much, Phil. It's so crazy how this makes me feel so guilty. Every time there's been a set back, I've blamed myself. I've felt guilty for this even happening. I wish I would have taken better care of myself.
But you are right I need to find a way to relax... I think about this from the time I get up until I go to bed and it's making me crazy. Beside's my new granddaughter I can't think of anything that has brought me much happiness or that has relaxed me since this happened. I'm really going to work on this.
I'm going to work on relaxing the sphincter as much as I can...And If I have to have the surgery, then I will and just hearing you say it was worth it takes some of my anxiety away. I just really want my life back... I want to be 100% for my youngest daughter who's 6 and my new grand baby. I have older kids who are in college that need me to be here for them emotionally and I've been a wreck for 5 months now... Surgery is my last resort but if things don't get better and stay that way for a time, then it's got to be done. I am mentally exhausted from all of this...
I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Your kindness actually brought tears to my eyes... I have been looking at this as my failure and a trap with no way out. Like I said I tend to hear the horror stories and not the good results people have, but hearing you say you'd do it again helps a lot.

Dawn,
I think having an AF can literally just wreck a person's mind. In part because it is such a taboo subject and just the mental, physical, and emotional strain of the whole deal. I remember I was bothered by having such a problem that could not be discussed with anyone. Seeing a psychiatrist and getting on the A/D was what really helped me see the whole picture and get things more in perspective. This forum has truly been a godsend for many people. Continued blessings to the Cheryl that created this marvelous venue for communication of butt issues!!!