So after switching from Colace 2 days ago to Miralax and feeling for the past two days like my knight in shining armor had arrived, I felt so good this morning I was thinking on my way to the surgery center that perhaps, just perhaps I could heal on my own the Miralax way since I'm only a about 8 or so weeks into this. *But* of course remembering the posts here about how they wasted time doing the home remedy game, etc. I thought of my kids who have no mother and that I should just do it, praying that I don't become permanently incontinent and that this will enable me to walk again, all day. So I told the surgeon that I was really feeling better, he paused for a moment, but we went ahead with the surgery. Of couse I'm thinking all along after several attempts to not be able to get my i.v. in that this is a sign, it just wasn't meant to be. The anesthesiologist couldn't get it in, then finally a nurse did. Darn.
So while being wheeled in and begging to please knock me out with something, I was still having second thoughts. Then woke up from and the surgeon told me (who has been in practice 35 years) the fissure was huge huge huge and stopped short of saying the biggest he's ever seen. OMG, now I'm in tears again wondering IF it will heal being the biggest on record. He says it will. But hey, I've been told a lot of things the past month or so, but different practitioners. The first CRS told me it was very small and I could heal on my own.
So I'm at home, took one percocet, trying not to take any more, but I really could use a valium/xanax/ativan right about now. I'm in a panic wondering what will happen if this doesn't heal?????? And he also told me to take Miralax for the rest of my life, otherwise the fissure would reappear. That of course brings me to tears.
I've never really eaten junk food, but do like a piece of pizza with my kids. I'm missing a nice rib roast now that it's Christmas and Christmas cookies, but I'm pretty much a vegan, (except when it comes to holiday rib roasts - and not a vegan by choice, due to allergies) I got into this mess by being impacted by 3 days of taking CoQ10.
So I'm taking it all one day at a time. At least my kids got to school today. Tomorrow is another day.