Stressed and frightened

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Stressed and frightened

Postby Layla85 » 15 Aug 2011, 13:59

I am not having a good day today guys :(
I've dealt with this fissure for so frickin long now, changed my diet completely, stayed consistently on movicol since November, used vile creams. Its given me thrush from hell, got in the way of work and university and my love life... Its got so bad again recently but the idiots at the hospital told me all they could see were internal hemorrhoids and so I actually thought for weeks that it was gone and the pain I was dealing with was piles instead...then went to the docs again... and again...and was told today it was still there. I get told different things from each professional I see. I don't know whose opinion to trust, I just know I'm in pain so much and its not normal and it shouldn't be happening.
I have a private appointment and I'm so relieved about that. But I don't know if I can afford treatment privately, it just costs so much. I'm actually frightened of going back to the NHS hospital because it was such a sh*t experience last time. What if I do and they just tell me its not there again?
I am trying to finish my masters dissertation, which is due in next week yet all I can think of is this. I have a job lined up when I finish and I should be so happy about that but all I can think of is what if I have to take time off work? How will I explain such an embarrassing problem to my employers? What if I lose all the opportunities I've worked so hard to get? What if I can't move out of home? It is a total motherf*cker.
Sorry for the massive whinge and being such a negative nancy but I'm sure so many of you can relate...I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really scared.
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby Deleted User 579 » 15 Aug 2011, 15:05

Aw Layla! You've had such an awful time! Image I know how you feel. I was there too, especially with flippin' doctors telling me I had hemmies and giving me exactly the wrong treatment for months and months! Image I'm pretty sure internal hemmies don't hurt unless they are prolapsed and are hanging out of the butt. If you have serious pain, like you're passing broken glass when you poo, it feels like there's a knife and/or a hot poker up your butt the rest of the time, then you have a fissure.
I know it's expensive, but if it were me, I'd go private, even if I had to go into debt to do it. First, because it sounds like you've lost all faith in the NHS, and to me that's reason enough. Second, there's a lot on the line for you right now with your MA and career. Third, it's your body and your health and those are worth at least as much as you would spend on a degree, right? You can always pay the money back, but you can't have a life the way things are going now. That's just my opinion, for what it's worth.
You should be able to take a few weeks between your thesis defense and your new job for health reasons, and nobody needs to know the details. New employers are usually pretty cool about negotiating starting times (although I guess that depends on the field). It's certainly worth investigating.
You are absolutely entitled to have a good whine and a good rant -that's what we are here for. :D Fissures are a b*itch to deal with and this one is threatening to mess you up big time. I understand all the fears and negative feelings. I was not able to imagine having a life again - no more travel, no more fun - so I know how you feel; but don't let this beat you! You have a lot to fight for, so do whatever you have to do to get your life back! And don't be scared. If you do end up getting the surgery, it will not be worse than dealing with a fissure, but instead of having pain every day and feeling like you have no future, you will be healing and gradually getting your life back. Image
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby Layla85 » 15 Aug 2011, 15:22

Thank you Hope
You're right it is just as important as a degree. I don't know how easy it is to get bank loans these days especially with a student overdraft right at its limit the whole time but I will look into it...I guess I should talk to my parents too and review my options. They've been great about this.
The thing that worries me most is the time off work but I guess I can always hang in there til the start of next year and book it off as holiday...
I really don't want to let this get me down too much. I'm so lucky that my pain has not been as bad as some of the people on this forum.
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby Deleted User 579 » 15 Aug 2011, 16:32

It's okay to feel down every now and then - this is a really difficult problem to deal with. We all know here how debilitating fissures can be. So if you're feeling sad, that's okay. I'm still on anti-depressants! (And I have my anti-anxiety meds too!). But you've got a great attitude by being determined not to let it get you down too much. Definitely explore all your options, and if your parents can help you out, that's great. I'm 41 yrs old and my mum came all the way from Florida to help look after me (I'm a grown woman and I needed my mum! there ya go!). I really hope you are able to sort the money issue out. Try not to worry too much about the time off work. You may only need two weeks to recover from surgery, depending on what kind of work you'll be doing. One thing at a time. Stay focused on beating this dragon, and every thing else will work out. Image
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby ouchtear » 15 Aug 2011, 16:40

My first doctor was wrong for 3 years.
My second doctor said "It sounds like you have a fissure but I don't know how bad it is"
he then said "Let's schedule a LIS surgery and when you are under we can see how deep the fissure is. If it is not too deep then I will do a botox injection if it is then I will perform the LIS"
So sometimes the doctor can't really tell how bad it is until he has you on the table.
So I had a deep fissure and was given the LIS..
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby Layla85 » 15 Aug 2011, 16:43

Thank you for your support Hope, it really means a lot, I've felt so down this evening Image
I hope I'm able to sort the money thing out too... That and time off work. I think I'm more worried about those two things than potential incontinence lol! The NHS is free of course but God knows how long it would take me to be taken seriously there. Val once told me something about paying for a private consultation then having them refer me to an NHS hospital. I'll look into that when I go and be as upfront as I can about being a student.
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby Layla85 » 15 Aug 2011, 16:50

Oh man that is tough ouch. Poor you.
I have an inkling that my fissure is not deep, as I am not in as much pain as some people are but its stubborn. i've had it for going on a year. I will have days (not as many as late) where it's not really a problem, and then days when it really really is. It seems to heal and tear continuously. If you read my other posts, the big problem for me has been differing opinions from doctors. I had a colonoscopy at the hospital last month and all they found was internal hemmies and no fissure (even though my doctor had seen the fissure the week before.) It's a matter of my GP seeing it and only being able to give me rectogesic (which hasn't worked) and the hospital, (who can actually bloody do something) sticking a camera up there and (I suspect) not examining the outside of my bum where the fissure actually is, under the skin tag. Image
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby ouchtear » 15 Aug 2011, 19:28

My fissure is completely healed I believe..
I guess I was and am lucky.. that My insurance allows me to go to any doctor without a referral from a GP.. So basically I can find a specialist in anything and see them of course if they are accepting new patients.. That's what I did when I had to figured out that it was possibly a fissure myself..3 years later...
I found a doctor that performed many LIS's and went and saw him.. It would be nice if we could all do that..
I do have to pay alot out of my paycheck every month to afford this kind of insurance.
I think it actually saves alot of money..
for example:
When I have dermatology issues WHy would I go to a GP when they don't know shit and can't remove a skin cancer lession.
GP's are just a waste of time..
GP's should be for taking children and other basic needs sick stuff..
It seems like common sense to me..
If only we did'nt have to have these nanny states.
You don't take your transmission to get fixed at the Jiffy lube...
If I know my ass hurts why wouldn't I just go to a CR..
If its hemmeroids so what... I'd rather have a CR tell me that. A GP is just a guy that gives you basic care, blood tests, and prescribes Anti-biotics when your sick..
We are not children and can usually pinpoint the specialist we need.
Obviously if you have a wart and a hangnail then you don't need to go to a hand specialist..
I have not been to my GP in many years..
I just go to right mechanic for the job..
I afraid health care in the USA will eventually all be that way if we have our government running it..
Imagine that.. They can't balance the budget, pay our debts, or run the post office. How are they going to tell me what Doctor I should go to... Scary...
Sorry for the slight Rant..
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby val » 16 Aug 2011, 01:37

You are so rightthere Ouch! They treat us like idiots, yet they are incompetent themselves.
Layla, all in all, the surgery shoudn't cost more than Ј3000. And you will get it over and done with within a couple of weeks. And it will be done right.....! I have a problem with the NHS as I've had two operations go wrong, but the waiting times alone would put me off.
If your parents are able and willing to lend/give you the money, then I would let them. I would get myself in debt to make sure my kids got the right/best treatment.
You have suffered long enough!
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Re: Stressed and frightened

Postby Layla85 » 16 Aug 2011, 03:29

My big worry with asking my parents to pay is that they have always been so generous with helping me to pay for my masters. This is supposed to be the time I become more independent from them and instead I am anything but....I really hope they will understand the need if I explain how important it is for me to go private.
I just called a company called first medical loans. They offer 10 month interest free to hospitals like Nuffield. I might look into that although if I did it would have to be a joint application with my dad. And we'd be paying like Ј300 a month back...oh god its so expensive....
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