LOL - I'm the queen of paranoia! I was a quivering bundle of anxiety - my doc had to give me happy pills. :D You're way braver than I was!
For me the major swelling only lasted for a few days - like maybe three days. But the swelling diminishes gradually, even if things are a bit puffier than normal, so the tenderness and the difficulty cleaning diminish too. By the end of the first week my butt looked and felt pretty much like normal and the cleaning process was quite a bit easier.
I also had an alarmingly dark blue/black bruise where they put the clamp
Oddly, though, that didn't really hurt very much, for all that it was very scary! It faded after about a week.
I'd recommend staying off your butt as much as possible to help the swelling subside. My back got achy laying down all the time too, so I would lay on my side as much as possible.
It sounds to me like you are doing REALLY well. Try to be patient, though. Your poor butt has been through a heckuva lot and it needs lots of TLC and time to recover. You'll be back rockin' in the land of the living very soon!