Ok it all started when I gave birth to my daughter 2 years ago this month, and I have been suffering ever since, finally got refered to a specialist/consultant last year and was given Botox Injections and a skin tag removed last December, that helped a bit for a while, but it started getting painful again so multiple trips to my GP later, and a failed attempt at the cream that gives bad headaches (it gave me such bad headaches I didn't feel able to look after my daughter while using it also gave me heart palpatations so stopped using it) eventually the GP refered me to the same Consultant and I saw him, and he suggested more Botox Injections which I had in July, I was fine for 2 weeks, then the last week or 2 I have terrible bleeding when I open my bowels, and it feels hard everytime, but when I look at my stool it looks normal, but it feels sooooooo unbelieveably hard to get out, and the bleeding is so bad sometimes I have to wear a pad to prevent blood going through my clothes etc, which has become an embaresement at work, with me getting upset and explaining to a few people whats wrong, they've been great and sympathetic but I feel awful wearing pads all the time, and occasionally I bleed for no apparent reason, even when I've not opened my bowels yet.
I went to the GP today because quite frankly I'm sick of this and get upset alot and need some help getting better. The GP prescribed the cream that gives you headaches (I can not remember the name for love or money but I know you all know what I mean) which I refused cos I had such a bad reaction last time, and a form of Mild Laxative to be taken twice a day to soften things, and also a cream to help the irratation on my bum (she said its where your bum cheeks are always close together and it gets hot and sweaty etc). She told me when it bleeds again to phone and make an appointment so she can see where the bloods coming from (it stops after 10 mins or so so I would never get there in time) and also mentioned the Fissure being right by the entrance and also me having a few small piles so she told me to use Anusol as well.
I got home, and opened my bowels and the pain and bleeding started again, so I took the laxatives and the cream and put Anusol up and just hope things will get better, I'm begining to feel quite depressed with this now, my husband and family are great but its so embaressing and I feel so crap about myself.
I see th econsultant in about 2/3 weeks for a check up so will definately be telling him all.
I'm also worried what he'll suggest next, proper surgery? I'm not sure whats thew next step after Botox but I'm worried silly about proper surgery and the complications....but if it doesn't heal can I really carry on as I am...I think not.
SOrry for the rant, just had to talk to people who understand

sorry you are going through this - please be careful with using "laxatives". They can be too harsh on the system. You need to find things that help you go naturally, and easily, no straining. There are many posts about this on the board.

Hi there,
I so understand where your coming from. I have my fissure since the birth of my daughter 19 months ago. Ive had the anal dilation, it has eased off the pain but ive still pain every day after a BM for 5 6 hours not as bad but its there, I get so annoyed and pissed off too. I cried so much 2 nites ago cause Im just so sick of it too, it totally takes over your life, but Im trying to stay positive and look on the bright side Ive a beautiful daughter that loves me so much and I wouldnt change that.. Hopefully things will improve.. think positive..

3yearsnow - I go regularly, but since the Botox it always feels hard and sometimes I have to push, so GP gave me a bottle of something, god I can't even remember the name, something like Movicol or something, not a proper laxative just something to soften things.

teacherel - Thanks, its good to know I'm not the only 1, I'm happier now, just have really bad days like the other day and don't know what to do with myself, but you just have to get on and deal with it :( so thats what I'm doing.
Whats the next step after Botox? I see my consultant in about 2/3 weeks time and I want to be prepared for what he might say/offer?