I have taken a turn for the worst.. Both with the af and emotionally. I have torn slightly again... Not majorly, but enough to have a fair bit of blood in the bowl, and I have that all too familiar just ripped pain shooting up my bum.
I have totally lost my appetite... Am feeling tied up in knots in my stomach, and this morning I have started wretching. I think I am having an anxiety attack.
I wish I could calm. Down and practice what I preach.. But I feel an absolute emotional wreck. I feel things will never end, and I haven't got the strength to keep soldiering on!
Sorry for this.. But I need to get it out.

Omb

OMB,
Could you possibly get on an A/D to help with your anxiety? As you know, anxiety is not good for anything--just makes any condition worse. Hope you feel better soon!!

I wish I could think of something to say that would help. I sympathise sincerely because I have my dark moments too. Particularly when I have setbacks like yours. Healing is a slower business generally at my age.
I don't know if anti-depressants would help. I know they are sometimes used as painkillers and sedatives as well as for their primary purpose so they might be worth a try. But a word of warning. My current fissure is down to constipation caused by Amitriptiline - an older anti-dep prescribed in low dose to help me sleep. Unlikely you would get this one but do ask about side effects. I didn't to my cost.
On a more positive note. Have you tried mineral oil (which is usually called liquid paraffin here)? It's use is controversial because it may interfere with absorbtion of nutrients so probably not for long term use. But I am finding it very helpful. It is not really a laxative in the accepted sense. Just keeps the stool soft and lubricates the passage so things just slide out. It was widely used in the past.
I just wanted to suggest something that might help.This whole business seems to be a rollercoaster ride. Full of ups and downs as well as flat bits. Hopefully you will soon have an up!

sorry you are having a bad time omb...it sucks big time going through this physically and emotionally. I suggest AD's also...if you are stressed and depressed, you will not heal. I was having major anxiety attacks before I had my surgeries and I am sure that is why I did not heal on my own. I hope you feel better soon!

OH OMB- no wonder you feel down. You have put up with so much already. Try to think only about today. Anxiety is really tricky to deal with - what relaxes you? a bath , some music , a chat with a friend? It really is two steps forward and one back .. but you are moving forward - I'm sure. There are just lots of bumps along the way ... We are all thinking of you xx Big hug to you xxxxxx

Dear OMB
I have tried to reply to your PM but it seems to get stuck in my outbox! The following is therefore an edited version and does not refer to all that you said.
I was moved to post at least in part because you show so much kindness and empathy to others.
I take the liquid paraffin (LP)instead of - not at the same time - as Lactulose. I don't suppose it would harm you greatly to take both because LP is not absorbed by the body. But you might have to dash for the loo and not emerge for a very long time! Seriously, one or the other. You won't need the Lactulose with LP. My mum often used LP and she lived to nearly 90! So used for short periods it can't be harmful.
As for me, it seems to be two steps forward and one step back. It's slow but I think/hope I am progressing. Thank you for asking.
My very best wishes
Allan

omb
I'm so sorry you are feeling so down and have had a relapse. It is so hard to cope with this problem every day. Going on over a year for me, and I know really well what those phases are like where you just lose hope, lose your appetite (for food or anything else), and you feel really desperate. The emotional aspects are just as hard, if not at times harder, than the physical.
I only know to offer to you what others already have above. Support, encouragement, ideas, and just to be here to listen. We all need that at times.

Thank you all for your kindness and support. It's been a tough few days for me.... I feel like a complete car crash! I have never experienced this full on type of angst before.
It actually scares me to be feeling this way. Coping with the fissure is one thing, I really don't want to be battling anxiety attacks too.
Your words are a great support for me... Even though I don't know any of you.. I know you all understand, and for that I am very great full.
Ps. I have been on citalopram 20mg for about 4/5 months now. I went to the docs and he suggested 40mg, so have upped it and see if I can calm down when it kicks in.

OMB x

Oh Omb so sorry ur going threw this..so true what everyone else has posted about you. I know you've shown me and others great kindness and compassion in this forum. We are here to listen and we care for you! Ur in my prayers.

Oh OMB...sorry to hear this. I am in the same boat...had a severe relapse today after thinking I'm almost healed. This is the third time it has happened...so depressing. I wish I could give you some hope but am very frustrated myself :(