Dear God in Heavan help me

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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby GGky1959 » 24 Feb 2013, 15:15

Rachael 1984 wrote:I know GG, as I type this the tears are streaming down my face! I can't stop it now, this has consumed me. I was tryingTo be positive yesterday but it has all gone wrong again! I can't see any light at the end of the Tunnel!!!

Rache, I have been holding in this BM since this morning and finally I had to let it go.....and now I am in the worst pain.....dear, we know, we know........we just know.
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby Rachael 1984 » 24 Feb 2013, 15:45

Oh GG, please don't hold it. You will make things worse. I know, you can't think straight right now. I can't either, but take stool softener, and breathe and relax on the toilet. Imagine your toes have roots and pull up from the ground with the right leg and release with the left. My Reiki teacher told me to do this! As silly as it sounds it works. Keep legs slightly raised, this helps BM come out easier.
Please post anytime to me. We can cry together through this. Have you used the Nitro.
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby GGky1959 » 24 Feb 2013, 19:41

[quote="Rachael 1984"]Oh GG, please don't hold it. You will make things worse. I know, you can't think straight right now. I can't either, but take stool softener, and breathe and relax on the toilet. Imagine your toes have roots and pull up from the ground with the right leg and release with the left. My Reiki teacher told me to do this! As silly as it sounds it works. Keep legs slightly raised, this helps BM come out easier.
Please post anytime to me. We can cry together through this. Have you used the Nitro. [/quote
Rache, my bm's have a slight pain, but then nothing....I'm really not having hard bm's anymore. I believe my fissure is still open and alive, but because I'm no longer eating much and because what little food I do eat contains fiber and the water I'm drinking my bms have been relativily mild.....its the pain afterwards that is making my life a living hell. So far today, I have cried the entire day, the entire day.......I keep getting these knife stabbing jabs in my bum that will not let up and because I'm soooooo tired of taking Naproxen or Aleve, I just decided to suffer today....my stomach is so torn from the ibuprofen, I'm beat.
Monday is the last day of my vacation, Monday I plan on taking the Nitro...I can no longer wait until Thursday....I know its not gonna work right away, but I have to start managing this pain because my job requires me to sit all day and I have to have help, hopefully in a few days I should feel some relief...but I will began the journey of Nitro Monday....wish me luck Rache and yes, lets do cry and rely on one another....there's an old saying...."misery does indeed love company" and I am miserable Image God bless you Rache and have a good evening.
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby alpinestrawberry » 25 Feb 2013, 07:52

Dear GG--
I'm not around here much anymore but when I saw your post I had to respond. Please, please hang in there!
I have been where you are and I know what a dark place it is. Like you, my pain came after the BM more so than during...sitting in a hot bath or on a heating pad can help but the best thing I found was to go for a brisk walk. That would kill the pain for me, at least until the next day when I had to go again and the cycle started all over.
I cried all the time, felt trapped in a body that I had no control over...and I wanted out. It's understandable to have those thoughts but please don't act on them, there is so much life worth living when the dust settles on this problem (and it will!).
I finally had to have the surgery and am so glad I did. I had a wonderful surgeon and the surgery itself was a relatively easy experience...the journey towards true healing has been long though. Honestly I think I still have some mental stress stemming from everything I went through. I no longer live in fear of a recurrence though. The hardest thing for me was throwing away my old tube of nitro! Because once that was gone it meant I had to be fine on my own, I had no real medicine to treat a flare up. But I did eventually throw it out and I have done just fine.
When you're ready, I think you should give your nitro a try. It is helpful. The dizziness and headaches do suck but I was able to develop an immunity to the side effects after awhile. It doesn't sound like you've tried any other medicines that relax the sphincter--you NEED the nitro!
What is your worst fear? That you'll have to have surgery? Or that you'll need the surgery but won't find a surgeon that you like? Or that surgery could ruin your body?
I was terrified of having bad doctor experiences--my heart goes out to you and everyone else who's had them. I was also terrified that surgery would wreck me (it hasn't at all).
It's going to be okay...it really is. <3
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby Rachael 1984 » 25 Feb 2013, 09:06

This is my problem, the burn, stabbing and general irritation.... Day in, day out. Just feel like it will never end. A horrible black hole. I think we can come through this together. Lets share the journey.
Alpine Strawberry, how long did you have the Fissures before your surgery? 😚 My CRS is doing Botox first. I have been suffering since last sept. the Fissure was discovered when I had hemmaroid banding procedure, which was horrendous in it's own right!
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Rachael 1984
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby GGky1959 » 25 Feb 2013, 10:37

alpinestrawberry wrote:Dear GG--
I'm not around here much anymore but when I saw your post I had to respond. Please, please hang in there!
I have been where you are and I know what a dark place it is. Like you, my pain came after the BM more so than during...sitting in a hot bath or on a heating pad can help but the best thing I found was to go for a brisk walk. That would kill the pain for me, at least until the next day when I had to go again and the cycle started all over.
I cried all the time, felt trapped in a body that I had no control over...and I wanted out. It's understandable to have those thoughts but please don't act on them, there is so much life worth living when the dust settles on this problem (and it will!).
I finally had to have the surgery and am so glad I did. I had a wonderful surgeon and the surgery itself was a relatively easy experience...the journey towards true healing has been long though. Honestly I think I still have some mental stress stemming from everything I went through. I no longer live in fear of a recurrence though. The hardest thing for me was throwing away my old tube of nitro! Because once that was gone it meant I had to be fine on my own, I had no real medicine to treat a flare up. But I did eventually throw it out and I have done just fine.
When you're ready, I think you should give your nitro a try. It is helpful. The dizziness and headaches do suck but I was able to develop an immunity to the side effects after awhile. It doesn't sound like you've tried any other medicines that relax the sphincter--you NEED the nitro!
What is your worst fear? That you'll have to have surgery? Or that you'll need the surgery but won't find a surgeon that you like? Or that surgery could ruin your body?
I was terrified of having bad doctor experiences--my heart goes out to you and everyone else who's had them. I was also terrified that surgery would wreck me (it hasn't at all).
It's going to be okay...it really is. <3

Thank you so much for the encouragement....I've decided today to use the Nitro.....I'm scared sh**less to use it, because my immune system is already weak, I feel dizzy as it is already from not eating properly and I have stress headaches to boot.....so the mere idea of this all intensifying, only adds to the misery of whats to come....but I can no longer stand the pain. I have an appointment Thursday to see my CRS, I hope I can get some type of guidence on options and better ways to handle this. I don't want the surgery, but if that's what I have to do, than I'll have to do it. This desease has broken me so much and the support I get from my spouse is really making me rethink our relationship, its been hell, no support what so ever and I'm starting to strongly recent him for it.
Add that to long list of misery I'm going through, I'm a broken human being, completely broken by all this.
Thank you again for your support and comments and may God bless you.
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby Rachael 1984 » 25 Feb 2013, 11:06

Hey GG, did you use the Nitro yet? The side effects will lessen the more you use it. I can't believe what you said about your relationship. Mine is in the same state! I am close to moving out. As if I need any more stress! Keep going, you can do it. Need to be around positive people. X😘😍
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby GGky1959 » 25 Feb 2013, 11:33

Rachael 1984 wrote:Hey GG, did you use the Nitro yet? The side effects will lessen the more you use it. I can't believe what you said about your relationship. Mine is in the same state! I am close to moving out. As if I need any more stress! Keep going, you can do it. Need to be around positive people. X😘😍

No Rache, I haven't....But I plan on it...I'm starring at it now. My hubby, just left the house because I'm making such a big deal out of the cream...he's so over me and this fissure, so done with us both. Thank God my daughter stayed home today from work, just in case this cream has an adverse effect on me.....I will remember his cruelness should this ever end and remind him until I'm gone of how bad he's treated me...should we last as long. I'm soo angry at this guy right now...that's why I haven't taken the Nitro, I'm waiting to calm down.
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby CrackinUp » 25 Feb 2013, 11:53

If you're scared of it, why not just try a small amount of cream to 'test the water'? I was in so much pain I squished a load up my chocolate wizz-way the second I was through the door... :)
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Re: Dear God in Heavan help me

Postby Rachael 1984 » 25 Feb 2013, 12:04

Do what crackin says, use a small amount then up the dose to the full amount gradually.
Sorry about your hubby. These people can't deal with it if they haven't got it!
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Rachael 1984
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Posts: 1133
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Mood: Please heal!


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