Hi all,
I have a healed fissure but live in some fear of a retear.
I can be very obsessive in my nature but generally keep a lid on it all until it just reaches a stage where I feel it overwhelms me.
Routine is very important to me and I like the routine of knowing when I am going to have to pass an urge - only right now, my BMs seem to be all over the place and mentally, I hate this. I'm not the sort of person who can lightly shrug it off and fear that because I don't go when I generally do, that the stools will be harder & larger and cause an issue.
I try so hard not to think like this because generally things pass when they are ready and with not a great deal of difficulty most of the time either, nevertheless it disturbs me and I hate the way it makes me feel - generally low until I get the satisfaction of passing stools.
It's without doubt a mental issue I'm dealing with as I've been practicing the good diet, lots of water and been producing healthy stools for nearly 2 years now!
ADs helped my state of mind immensely but I'm off them now - Is there anyone else out like me??! and if so, how do you deal with these thoughts!?? This issue really p*sses me off!! I feel if I could become more relaxed about the whole issue in general, I would be such a happier person sometimes!!
Thanks for reading :)

ETO,

I'm happy to hear you are still fissure-free! It's hard to adjust your thoughts when it comes to pain. The way I think about it is the brain has re-wired itself and created new thought processes surrounding pain and bowel movements. I have had an especially hard time changing my thought patterns surrounding bowel movements. I would suggest hypnosis, or even therapy. Medication like anti-depressants are helpful for the symptoms that arise from certain negative thought processes. However, they don't change the way you think. I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, and the only thing that has helped me is therapy- changing my thought processes.

I think both therapy and hypnosis would be helpful for you. It will help you change your thought process. Once you start worrying about your bowel movement, it immediately changes your bowel movement, so the key is to find tools to eliminate these worries.

If neither of these are an option, you could try meditation or yoga. Here is what I do that is helping me.. I have issues with having bowel movements when other people are around..this is what caused my anal fissure (from holding it in because I can't have complete privacy). So what I have been doing is, when I am drinking my tea in the morning and eating.. I think about my body opening and relaxing. I think about my bowels opening and I keep thinking about this. Once I think about someone being close to the bathroom when I need to go, I immediately bring my thoughts back to opening up and relaxing. It has helped, but it does take a conscious effort. It makes you realize how much of an impact your thoughts have on your physical state.

I really hope this helps! My go-to method is to drink coffee..I know it's bad but when I haven't had a BM, I drink coffee and that for sure helps move things along.

Ahh yes ETO I'm like that too. Not as bad I guess, but I also developed some OCD issues over this.

Many times each day, I think about retears. I notice every twitch and sensation, and I worry about what I eat, how I excersise, if I remember to take my supplements, and if I can keep my job if I retear. Very annoying!

I totally understand how we got here after months of pain, and I respect that it's not easily fixable. I'm sure therapy will help, but Im trying to be my own therapist for now. I'm slacking on my routines on purpose, but I do it slowly, and if I get in trouble, I revert back for some time. I hope this will allow me to slowly get back to "normal".

I also know this experience will be in the back of our minds for the rest of our days. The trick is just to keep it in the BACK, and not the FRONT :-)

Thanks so much both for your kind & thoughtful responses.
Having suffered with depression on & off since childhood, these more difficult stages in life have always been helped by taking ADs but they are obviously not a long-term cure & I'm thinking therapy is the way to go - In fact, I was so impressed with hypnotherapy, I'm definitely considering it again.
I love meditation but I've been slacking of late, need to get a Yoga group sorted, but been putting it off - these are all indications to me that I've started to "slump" a little of late and that's not good....Maybe it's the change of season. I loathe the dark nights when by 5.00 pm it's dark & I can't even get out & cycle or walk.
I'm all too aware of the positive impact of positive thinking and releasing stress and it really distresses me when I'm like this, especially now it effects BMs and one of my biggest fears!!
Oh JHH - I am so very much like you still but you are so right, it has to be pushed to the back of the mind and well away from the front!
Smiles - You sound like you really relate and I appreciate your wise words & advice a lot.......At times, like these, you are so great. The mental reassurance is possibly more important than the practical dietary advice & tips at times......

Have you tried therapy before? Also have you ever heard of St.John's wort? It has similar effects on the brain that anti-depressants have. I found that mixing these two approaches really help in the long term. Journaling is helpful too.

Unfortunately, with depression, the hard part is getting motivated. That's why I find therapy to be very useful because then you have no choice, you have to go to your appointment or you lose your money. The therapist will also give you "homework" and things to think about during your own time. All in all, therapy can give some really amazing tools that you will use for the rest of your life!

I totally understand what you mean about the shorter days, this definitely does not help with depression. Lack of sunshine=SADS . Vitamin D supplements can also help with this!

Anyways, I don't mean to bombard you with so many options/advice, but hopefully one of these pieces of information will help you in your recovery! :)

I'm exactly the same ETO..... I always have regular bms.... Once a day, around 8am ish..... If that deviates atall.... I can feel the panik set in. A couple of weeks ago I had a rouge afternoon bm... And the next day I didn't need one at all. I spent the whole day worrying that my next bm would be dry and hard, would need to happen when I was out, would tare me to shreds.. Etc. I knew these thoughts were extream, and a couple of years ago I would have not even given my bowel movements a second thought... But still... AF management has become so much a part of my life, that any deviation from the norm results in all round panic.
One thing to remind yourself is... It's perfectly natural to feel this way when you have been through what you have been through... Who wants to risk getting like that again if they can help it??? BUT..... Recognise when these panicking thoughts get too overwhelming and all consuming.. There is a very fine line for those of us that fall into bouts of anxiety and depression... And it's good to be mindful and catch it early before it really takes hold.
It sounds like you recognise those thoughts and feelings in yourself right now.... So take a step back... Try all your calming techniques you have practiced in the past.... And hopefully this is just a seasonal blip.

Huge hugs my lovely lady

OMB xxxxxxxx

I'm seeing a pattern here ETO

This time of year seem to have more people on edge as you
and OMB and others have suggested. Yes some of my worst times
fighting AF was in the winter months. Being out and about less
just gives our "bm" another excuse to "come out hard".

You know ETO, if there was one person on this earth who
I believe would make it through these slow stressful times
it's you my friend. You've already got this thing beaten for the
most part. Your a winner and this little hurdle is not
about to stop you.

so instead of stressing over thi...



think about thing like this



Your ultimately in control ETO even of those thoughts, overcome
those negative thoughts with positive "I can do this" thoughts.

Your mind is trying to convince you that you may have a hard bm;
Do the opposite to put those thoughts to rest and assure yourself
that you've made it this far, you will be ok again.

Were pulling for you xx ETO xx

Oh bless you all xx
Where on earth on this planet could you go with these stresses & worries, when most other people would just laugh or simply not understand or just tell you to "pull yourself together"......Love you all!
At least I feel more reassured now that in the world of anal issues, I'm actually pretty "normal"! LOL.....
I know this will pass but it takes effort, I can slump all too easily but today has been much better - normal BMs again and more importantly, the fighting urge is back a little and I've just tried to snap myself out of any potential negative thought through pure distraction - it really helps.
For me it's not quite enough, I'm seriously considering hypnotherapy to reinforce some more positivity, so that's the plan this eve - research on local hypnotherapists!.....
Smiles - I have had therapy in the past for other issues & that's great providing you find the right person to help you but I do agree the techniques you learn & homework does helps you through.
I also tried St John's Wort, which was helpful but there was some reason I had to stop taking it and now I need to try & remember why!!!.....Depression & that lack of motivation is a cruel thing and only truly understood by those that go through it but yes, I am fortunate I recognise my symptoms pretty quickly these days & try to take action quickly.....
OMB - Sorry you get this too. It's the pits.....as if you don't have enough with the physical pain you go through too!! I will think of you the next time I have these feelings because it's weirdly comforting to think you are possibly sharing the very same pain & stress with someone else at maybe the same time...then you don't feel quite so alone in dealing with it.
Butt - As ever, wise words and your emoticons made me smile too! I do strongly feel that link between the season change for sure and I really do need to start replacing those low thoughts with totally opposite & positive ones!!!
Oh, you really are all such great friends - even though I barely know you!! Thank you again so much. It means so much too..............xx

Hey ETO,

How are you doing today? I hope you're feeling a bit better! :)

Hey Smiles,
Thanks xx
Feeling a lot better in myself again & my BM's seem to be less bothersome!
I'm trying to adopt a bit of a blase attitude to them & just keep telling myself if I'm not ready to go, I'm just not ready!! and sure as houses, it generally pops along an hour or two later with no issues.....I just need to maintain that now. Mind you, I've been so blooming busy at work, the distraction helps & I don't get time to lapse into those self-indulgent, negatively over-thinking periods....that's key for me. Also a couple of earlier nights and a big boost in plums & satsumas seems to have also helped a lot!.....Oh what strange lives us fissure & ex-fissure sufferers lead!!
OMB - I actually sat on the toilet earlier and thought of you when I began to stress!! It was so comforting - and I was actually praying & hoping that if you were in that same situation as me at that very same time, that we were at least going through it together & it really did make me feel better! I mean, to anyone with no understanding of this at all, that would be plain weird surely - well, maybe it is anyway........I don't know!......! LOL.....but it really helps all the same!!.....I do assure you I'm a pretty normal person most of the time though!!! xx