I am starting to get into a panic, I am terrified this AF won't heal. It is starting to consume my thoughts. I think about it all day. I worry about tearing it more when I open my bowels, I worry if I don't open my bowels enough that it will get worse or prevent healing, I worry if I don't eat right or drink enough water. I worry my bottom will sweat in public. I am becoming very anxious about this.

The issue is, if this does not heal, gets infected, get a fistula or incontinence I know I will spiral into a depression that will result in me taking my own life. How likely are these things to happen? I have tried talking to drs about this but I get nowhere. I also have to wait 2-3 months to see the specialist.

Things with my bottom and mental health are getting out if hand. This cannot be my life. I am in love with my husband and have a beautiful baby, this is supposed to be the happiest time in my life :-(

Ouchie, I'm so sorry to read you're feeling so panicky and anxious about your situation. I can really relate to all the feelings you are having... And I would bet everyone on this board has experienced some level of anxiety over this terrible affliction.

It is a low chance of getting infected, turning into a fistula... So you need to try and put those thoughts to the back of your mind. Unfortunatly this sort of injury just takes time to heal. It heals from the bottom up.... Sort of fills itself in... So as you can imagine, takes time. You will get there... Things will gradually improve... And you will just find that as things start to feel better you won't be thinking of your butt quite so much.

Remind me.... What creams are you currently using?? Stool softeners??

I know it's hard to enjoy family life when all you want to do is curl up in bed and block all the pain out... But I assure you, if you take some painkillers and just push on through it will be worth it.

Oh.... And if your worrying about sweating... Just wear extra long panty liners... You'll be fine.

OMB xxxxxxxxxx

Hello,

I completely relate to you also. I supposed to have happiest time in my life and exactly now I am with wound/fissure in my rectum. I had depression in the very beginning and being weak person coping with depression, I took antidepresants for 2 months to get out of there. I was loosing weight even due to my anxiety.

How to avoid it? Well, you need roadmap for healing, even though you will get appointment in 3 months, you know you will be there. Try to make routine now, which will make you constant having BM and expecting consistency of BM, so when you go you know what you will get in loo. The biggest fear for human is fear of unknown, it makes us worried.

And as OMB stated: creams, sitz baths, relaxation, stool softeners will help you survive 3 months until appointment.

Thank you so so much for replying. I'm sending myself crazy with my fears and anxiety about it. I have gotten so low lately I have broken down into tears most days and called crisis line today.

I am so relieved to hear a fistula and infection is not likely. I make sure when I rinse down there I wash my hands with soap thoroughly before and after. Or when I check healing. I don't want to make it worse.

My anxiety regarding this has also impacting my weight and my milk supply. I am 3.5kg under my pre baby weight and getting a tad skinny. It's a catch 22 I know not eating enough effects your bowels, but so does eating the wrong thing. I feel overwhelmed with this.

I currently use proctocydel (sp) twice a day, going to up this to three. I take 1 coloxyl stool softener, 2 magnesium, 1 vitamin c, 1 vitamin D, 1 inner health plus and 2 yakult. I do two 20-25 minute walks a day and my pelvic floor exercises. I try very hard to drink 2 litres of water a day and two if the glasses with gastrolyte. Maybe I could take another stool softener. It's a fine line between constipation and diarrhea. I never get anything in between. I also plan to start the FODMAP diet.

I want to do the baths it's just so hard to have the time when a new baby, I might just have force time, I hate baths but it's for the greater good. I will be doing a mental health plan for counselling too. I call help lines when I need to these day too is this considered relaxation? I also try not to sit on my bottom to much, I try and lye on my side

What else can I being doing to heal this? I will do anything :-(. I'm just not ok these days :-(

I'm glad I'm not the only one, not that I would wish this on anyone.

Probably you can try to get appointment sooner, or consider to go private if you can afford of course.

Also I don't know, but most likely it is not possible to purchase rectogestic or diltiazem online, you will need prescription for it.

Hi Ouchie.
I am so sorry you are so down... I know where you are, back early on this year I was in the same frame of mind as you.... Depressed, no hope, just not wanting to wake up. I used Anti depressants to help me, which they did. I also was referred to a dietician, and I have followed the FODMAP plan. This has really helped in controlling my IBS, I am not getting the running to the toilet problem now, some foods were going straight through me, and then I was so constipated I couldn't go. That straining caused my Fissures..... I still stick to the FODMAP now and I discovered most of my triggers, which I now avoid. Wheat, lactose to name a few. I take Movicol daily and vitamins inc magnesium. Let's say I am controlling the Fissures to an extent, I had Botox but only had short term relief from it..... My case is very chronic according to my CRS so I may be heading for more surgery. Good luck to you..... If you need any help with the FODMAP plan give me a shout! Xxxxxx

Ouchie, since you are nursing your baby, you need to be careful with the AF medications.

They don't seem to know if nitro is secreted into breast milk (which seems odd - maybe I missed something)

Diltiazem will be secreted into the breast milk, but they don't know if that can harm your baby. http://www.drugs.com/pregnancy/diltiazem.html

Nifedipine seems safe:
http://www.drugs.com/breastfeeding/nifedipine.html

You need to check with your doctor.

I totally understand that you can't spend a lot of time in baths. Jeez Louise, when I was nursing, I would've killed for a lovely long bath. I recommend a hot water bottle. It really does ease the pain, and can also help with healing, since it increases blood supply to the anus and can relax the anal sphincter. Those are the same effects the drugs have. Make the bottle very warm, not hot and sit on it as much as you can. You can also lie down on your back with the bottle under your bum, or lie on your side with the bottle leaning against your bum.

So, you can sit on the bottle while you are nursing. If sitting hurts, are you able to nurse lying down? If you can do that, it's a very blissful, peaceful way to nurse. Breastfeeding takes a lot of water, as I'm sure you know, so you may have to drink even more than most of us fissure fighters. Though 4 litres sounds as though it should be enough!

Can you get your OB/gyn in on this? Or your paediatrician? After all, as a new mother, you are already somewhat at risk for post partum depression, and now you have to deal with the fissure. I think somebody should be working with you on the depression, the weight loss, and of course the fissure itself. Can you enlist your husband to try and get somebody to take this seriously? You need help and advice, and you are not getting it.

I promise you, things will get easier. Fissures are horrible but they can be cured. Please try again or get your husband to try to get help with depression and weight loss.

My thoughts are with you!

Im pretty sure you can get Dialtiazm online without perscription..i was on a site the other day that had it..cant remember what it was i did a quick search but couldnt find it..google it..so sad to hear your feeling so bad i too am going throough the pain and debating LIS

Thank you so much

I will def be getting a hot water bottle. How often should I sit on it? When in the shower I cup my bum with my hands pooling warm water around my bum, I hope this helps too.

I found out I'm losing weight because I have really bad postpartum hyperthyroidism. Found out yesterday. Explains a few things at least.

This is so hard

Hi Ouchie,
I'm so sorry you've got hyperthyroidism! But at least it's diagnosed now and hopefully they can do something about it. It's great you were able to get some advice on your weight loss. Hyperthyroidism can also cause anxiety, so maybe getting treated will help you feel better generally.

I think you can sit on the hwb as much as you like. I basically sat on mine for hours. I'd sit on it at breakfast time, take it to work and sit on it there until it got cold, sit on it again in the evening and take it to bed. At that time, I didn't know that you can heat them up in a microwave oven, so once it was cold at work that was it. Just don't overheat it, because the time I did that, I got pretty bad spasms.