Hi still,
With your perseverance and routine, I don't doubt that you will get there. Acceptance that recovery takes immense strength, persistence, discipline and positive thinking is key in healing through the good and bad days. Improvement over time is noticeable though and you sound like you are doing really well ! My final crs visit confirmed I had exceeded my own beliefs about my level of healing. He did examine me internally and I was nervous but he was so gentle, I was able to totally relax to the stage he could fully insert an anoscope for a thorough confirmation. I surprised myself! I had healed more than I had ever considered. I truly wish you and everyone here all the best. Just hang in there and keep up with all the great work :)