Mirilax.
I think if you try it, it may well help things along.
You are not alone in obsessing..... It's perfectly natural to fear the concequences of what goes in one end has to come out the other.. It's a very deep routed fear that's very hard to break. Maybe introduce one of your favourite foods you miss one at a time... Little by little. It may help to make your bms less acidic if they are stinging.... Plus it's so demoralising to have all this pain and no pleasures... And food is one of our comforting pleasures. Maybe just a few squares of chocolate, or scoop of ice cream.... Or handful of chips.... Things like that.

OMB x

hurtinend -- i can totally relate to being obsessed with everything you eat...what goes in must come out right...that's the problem for all of us who suffer or have suffered from this condition.

i too very very vividly remember the way my routine controlled my life and how exhausting it all was...and like you i remember thinking, cant they just bag me for a few weeks while i get better.

i wish i had some insight in to the issue you are dealing with -- general tightness -- i am just wondering out loud now...if this was not an issue that you have been dealing with your whole life, why in the past while...could you in any way be involuntarily tightening up due to the trauma you have experienced. i know that the more scared and worried i am the more difficulty i had with passing anything including gas!

while the routine is exhausting...i have found that it has helped me in that i am able to notice slight changes in feeling and results this way -- keeping everything else the same makes it easier to observe what is going on. one piece of advice i got that has helped me in tracking my progress or lack of progress is writing down a food journal and pain journal....this way i can subtly experiment with what i eat and what it does (or not) to me...may be helpful.

as for stool softeners...i also do not use as i find 450mg of Magnesium Citrate a day is enough for me...and the real wonder drug for me has been probiotic food and specifically kombucha (i know it may sound hokey...but it is true)...you may want to give those a go before softeners as there is no need to wean off.

best
canadabum