Dear over10years your story moves me a lot. Its good to feel I'm not alone in this and I know its a living hell. My suggestion is to get a good surgeon and have the operation done.
I myself had six of them 5 unsuccessful - with wound reopening over and over again which crippled my nervous system got me a hernia because of all the stress and put me in a living hell of constant pain, anxiety and panic attacks. My close ones even considered putting me in a mental institution for a while because as a result of all the pain I was acting suicidal. All this during time in my life when I became a father after 3 years of trying and finally a successful in vitro.
I also lost my job over this and thank god for my loving and caring wife who got me so far - because without her I honestly do believe I wouldn`t be writing this to you now.
I had my last operation 2 and a half months ago. Im still in tons of pain but it gets easier at times and this time wound didn't reopen one month post op. So Im keeping the hope it will get better so that I'm finally pain free one day.