by Wits End » 27 May 2017, 15:11
I'm not quite sure how this forum works, but I thought I'd post my story in case someone can offer some helpful advice. I will apologize in advance for rambling, but it's so hard to find someone to talk to about this!! I had my first fissure in 2004-2005 and it lasted at least 8-10 months. It healed with conservative treatment, no medicine, and I was problem free for 11 years. I acquired another fissure last Feb 2016 after constipation.. I had it for 3.5 months, went to a colorectal doctor who prescribed hydrocortizone cream and suggested Miralax. Wtihin 3 weeks it healed. I went for my first colonoscopy in the fall due to my age, and he said everything checked out. I continued with the Miralax off and on and paid close attention to my diet in terms of fiber and water, etc.. always worried it would return. This past January I changed jobs and went through a stressful two weeks, at which point I committed the unforgivable sin of straining due to constipation. So here I am. I put myself back on the hydrocortizone cream (which seemed to help) and went back on Miralax, but after a couple of weeks I stopped using the cream as I've read you shouldn't use it for an extended time. The pain during BM was there but not excruciating for the majority of the time since January . I had some sharp twinges and itching during the day, but there seemed to be eventual improvement. I bled twice about 2 months into this during a non-painful BM, but I actually think that may have been due to a hemorrhoid but can't be sure. I actually had two periods of time -- one lasting 1.5 weeks, the other 2 weeks -- where I had zero pain during BM and felt as though the thing had healed. That was approximately 3 weeks ago. Then, for no apparent reason (no change in BM, no constipation, no straining, no hard stool) I started to feel mild sharpness during BM again. So several days later I went to a new colorectal doctor (my previous dr retired). She started to do the exam and told me she saw nothing on the outside. She started the internal but I felt pain, so she stopped. She prescribed Nifedipine/lidocaine ointment in a petroleum jelly base and told me to use it 2x per day for at least 4 weeks, even if it felt better. That was 2.5 weeks ago. I can't go up very far to apply because of the tighness, but in the beginning I was maybe trying too hard.. For some reason since that appointment and using the ointment, I feel more sharpness during BMs..more than before. Mostly just at the start. But I have not had any hard bowel movements, etc, so I'm very confused. I did have a few slightly larger movements, I believe, because I started taking Benefiber at the doctor's suggestion. I stopped doing that because I think maybe it was making my stool larger causing the area to stretch more (??) but I'm just guessing because I can't see what is going on down there. My sometimes optimistic mind is thinking since the ointment is supposed to increase blood flow, maybe there's more blood circulating there making it more swollen and sensitive, etc. Has anybody had this same experience? I am relatively problem free within a minute or so after the bm, and I'm very grateful for that. But I'm terrified every morning thinking one wrong move and I could make things much worse... and I don't know if this sharpness I'm feeling is the thing reopening or ?? I basically walk a tightrope with my diet and water intake.. I forgo foods that I think can worsen the condition, with the occasional indulgence. I'm very conservative in terms of medical treatment, and it took me a long time to get to the dr this time, mostly because I'd had those periods when I felt it was improving or possibly healing. I tend to obsess over problems, and I'm aware that's probably one of the worst things I can do.. but it's like relearning how to walk to tell myself not to worry. Most mornings I dread getting out of bed because I'm afraid of either being disappointed that there's no improvement, or that it's getting worse. In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is a minor issue compared to so many other things and I'm very grateful for the absence of more serious problems, but at the same time it's major to me because of the effect it's having on me in terms of anxiety/depression. I'm starting to feel this is going to be with me forever and I don't really know what else I can do to fix this.