Where I'm at

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Where I'm at

Postby Make.it.stop » 08 Feb 2021, 00:40

Hi folks, second day as a member and after posting my long, long back (ha) story in the intro thread (feel free to read), I thought I'd start something here a bit more specific to my current state. So:

Newly 31 yr old male dealing with my second killer fissure after almost 3 years, in the 6 o'clock which burns at least 6 hours after the fact in almost any position I'm in. Many many internal hems, most only come out while defecating, a couple stick around if I'm squatting or sitting, one large one that sometimes takes longer or will come out randomly, but auto reduces. I used to almost always get the urge for a BM after breakfast, but now it comes right when I awake (probably since not all came out the day before due to the spasm...) I drink a glass of water first thing every morning, and try to have one every 3 hours at least. I eat three fresh fruits (banana, apple, pear) over the course of the day with prunes scattered in. Usually oatmeal for breakfast with some hemp seeds (they're soft), a glass of soaked chia seeds with 450mg magnesium citrate for "lunch", and some kinda veggie based dinner with grains/beans/soup/etc. (full time vegetarian, usually vegan). I have the standard dose of PEG in water at bedtime. I've been zeroing in on this routine the past few days but it didn't deviate much before. Some days I eat less cause I'm so destroyed from the crushing physical and psychological anguish that existing now is.

The last fissure, which was slightly less murderous, healed after a long time when I started using sitz baths in a wash tub in which I squat, later just having my BMs in it (which I read of a surgeon's site and have since heard others do!). I did also get traveller's diarrhea around the time which i think helped things for me, even though they can cause or worsen fissures apparently. Anyway, all that to say that after having healed without medical intervention once, I'm really hoping it can be done again...but every day is still so awful. My diet doesn't seem to always make much of a difference. I just prescribed a combo of nifedipine and lidocaine which I literally cannot feel at all. I'm afraid to move up to Botox or the LIS because of past medical traumas, cost, the possibility of complications, or recurrence. If I caved and did it, and either of the last two happened and were bad, I don't know if I could keep living. Even though I feel like that now, I think one small motivator is that those options DO exist to be explored (if that makes sense).

So, I guess I'm hoping for people to share ideas, stories, etc. in case what I'm doing could just need more time, or some modification, or if it's totally hopeless...it will really be nice just to connect with some of the people here I've read the words of and am now finally adding my own voice. I hope you're all well~
10/17-31/12/17 – First signs/annihilated by Fissure 1
3/18 – Fissure 1 healed by sitz bath/toilet & GI bugs
1/21 – First signs/annihilated by Fissure 2
Make.it.stop
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