AF for 11 months - Can’t take this

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AF for 11 months - Can’t take this

Postby Canttakethis » 06 Nov 2017, 13:44

I have been reading this site for a while but haven’t had the courage to post. I am so embarrassed by this problem and terrified someone will find out who I am. I have been suffering from an anal fissure since December 2016 - 11 months ago. I am in my early 40’s, a wife, a mother to two tween girls, and had a happy and healthy, active lifestyle prior to this. I was in good shape and had a what I thought was great diet. I am not sure what caused my fissure, but my guess is that for years I had tried to cut out most grains due to the carb and/or sugar content, and therefore wasn’t getting the fiber I needed. I would never have eaten cereal, whole grain bread, a Fiber One bar, etc.

In any event, I had a delay in my diagnosis as my GP thought it was hemorrhoids and by the time I finally got to a CRS and got a diagnosis, a couple months had passed and my fissure was chronic, which I attribute to not having the right medication. It has now been 11 months.

Things have gotten a little better while I am actually going to the bathroom, but the agonizing pain of spasms continues for hours afterward. It is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I have had a terrible back injury from a car accident, broken bones, birthed two children, etc. and I have never felt anything like this. The spasms are definitely made worse by walking or standing, and especially by pushing a grocery cart or lifting things. I am a stay at home mom and I cannot take care of my family. I am the one who has to shop, cook, clean, etc. so that my husband can work, travel for work, and support us. Not being able to take care of my family is a nightmare. I am ridden with guilt that the girls don’t have what they need or the house isn’t clean. I miss having fun with my kids and of course I haven’t been intimate with my husband in ages. I have no social life because I feel too baldy to go to lunch or see friends but I can’t tell them why. I fear I will end up losing all my friendships. I have gained weight as I haven’t been able to exercise for almost a year. I finally tried to go back and I think I may have made things worse doing squats at the gym.

I have tried everything under the sun in terms of treatment. Nothing seems to help. Did all the natural stuff- site bath, fiber, coconut oil. Saw a pelvic floor PT. In terms of prescriptions, the nitro did absolutely nothing. The only thing that has brought me any relief whatsoever is Valium - oral (maybe 3 Rx in 11 months) and suppository (1 Rx). My doctor is treating me like a drug addict and refuses to give me anymore Valium or anything for pain. He hasn’t suggested any other medications or treatment other than surgery. Recovery from surgery would make it impossible to care for my family so that’s the last thing I want to do. I did make an appointment with another doctor and will see him the day after tomorrow.

I do get better from time to time but it always comes back. I think having a short taste of a normal life might make the returning agonizing pain even worse.

I am at my absolute wit’s end. I truly can’t take this anymore. I just want to crawl up and cry for days. But I can’t, because I’m a mom and we don’t get sick time. I am not even sure why I am posting this. Maybe for advice of other treatments or medications or maybe just to know that others understand and I am not alone. Or maybe, to hear there’s hope out there that I might some day return to a normal, pain free life. Either way, thank you for listening!
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Re: AF for 11 months - Can’t take this

Postby Mypoorbutt » 06 Nov 2017, 16:09

Hi I’m sorry to hear your suffering so much,
I have been there....didn’t realise that level of pain existed I was literally rolling round the floor sobbing in agony and if it hadn’t been for my children I wouldn’t have had the strength to get through it.
I got my fissure due to crohns and my doc wouldn’t even prescribe Valium....but to be fair when I went to A&E and got one it didn’t make that much difference to my pain. You could try gabapentine that works well for my spasms but everyone is different.
There are other options you could try Botox, there have been a few members who have been healed by Botox mamafizz and BumUK both wrote diaries about their healing. I had Botox and it helped with my pain but my fissure was over 2 inch long and went down to the muscle so I needed LIS...which I’m assuming is the surgery your talking about.
Now I’m a complicated case due to my crohns and IBS...but the morning after my LIS I had to go shopping....was it pleasant...heck no, but it was doable. So although recovery can be tough and mine was tough as hell, it didn’t stop me looking after my children.
Also most people are great from the 2nd week and some are even great from the day after the op...like back to normal, canadabum and IT both wrote LIS diaries that show textbook recoveries.
I would have had the surgery from the first hour of spasms pain but it took me 18 months to find a CRS to agree due to my crohns. Like I say recovery for me was tough as my crohns flared on the 2nd week. But I’m now one year post op on Wednesday and I can safely say it was the best decision of my life, I’m back to normal I can sit, swim be intimate and have a normal life. I still have pain at my fissure site when my crohns flares but nothing even remotely like before the op. I can even drink wine again.
Please think seriously about the op 90% of people recover easily and well, living with fissures is awful and way worse than crohns the op gives you a chance to stop that and I don’t know what your doc is telling you but over here the advice is just to take 3/4 days off work and then you will be back to normal. Now I personally think that’s optimistic but certainly not a long recovery
I really do feel for you I hope you find a way to stop the spasms because no one should ever have to feel that level of pain.
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