Anal Sex?

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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby workingonit » 02 Mar 2012, 19:13

Yah, I was just reading that silicone makes the lube sticky.
ick. do not need to be cleaning that area any more than I already am! lol :)
I found some water based ones that are glycerine and paraben free and have aloe in them.
I think I will look into one of those to order and perhaps I can work up the courage to dilate. I would like to wait til the fissure heals, but if it doesn't...
patience, patience, patience.
I would be worried about a numbing agent as I might do more damage without knowing it til it is too late.
-Tanya
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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby jondoe » 21 Oct 2016, 02:29

Hi, new here-haven't gone through all the posts and I don't think I got the answer I was hoping for. But first let me provide some advice. I've had an AF for about 2 yrs now. It used to heal on it's own-but never completely healed and actually it got worse over time since I've had issues with constipation (which is what started it).

Anyways I finally got over my embarrassment, saw a specialist who advised that I'd need surgery-where they cut out the fissure (under general anesthesia) and suture/stitch it up. I haven't done it yet, but I know there is no other option for me if I want to heal and have a normal life again-my AF is no longer healing on it's own. Right now I'm managing with it fine, the pain is minimal, a few months ago it was terrible and I need pain pills to cope with it-so I've improved in that sense.

But getting back to my point-I strongly believe in most, if not all cases your AF can be healed with a fissurectomy (like the one I plan to get soon), unless there are complications that prevent this for you. The success rate is very high, over 90% and people who need it done a second time (recurrence), also have similar success, so at most two surgeries and 99% of people are cured, based on the information I've researched.

So I'm passing this advice along for those of you who've suffered with this as long as I have and nothing else helped to heal you...so consult with a specialist (your GP won't know too much so get a referral to see a specialist) and they will advise you.

In my case there's a lot going on in my life, I might have to move soon and I know the healing process will take at least two months of my time and from what I've read is that the first few weeks can be pretty painful. So I'll be mostly at home to recover/heal.

However others have experienced very little pain and they regretted not getting surgery sooner-since they had great results and got a normal life back. So I'm quite confident this will work for me since I'm fairly healthy otherwise and I'm middle-aged.

Those of you still dilating or having anal sex, I would strongly advise to stop completely until you've had your surgery and you've given your body sufficient time to heal, which I'd say should be at least 6 mths to a year. I'm no doctor but I base it on my experience with some unrelated medical issues I've had. I've done some dilation in the past thinking it might help but in fact it just made it worse and I might've torn the fissure more...so please use common sense.

Lastly I was hoping to read a post from someone who's fully healed from a fissure (either naturally or by surgery) and could advise on their experience with anal sex (AS)-if they re-tore the fissure or not, but most of the posts I've read here don't really address this topic.

I used to have AS in the past-before I got the fissure and never had any problems. So I wanted to know if it is safe to resume AS after you're healed up and how many months it might take. The 6-12 mths I mentioned is just my own gut instinct. Obviously I'd never want to do anything to cause it to rupture/re-open again. One AF is more than enough for a lifetime-god what a menace it's been and I'm still not out of the woods yet.

I might return with an update after I've had my surgery but it could take a few months if I might have to move, so I'll have to delay surgery. But if my condition worsens it'd be best to do the surgery asap. Sorry for the long post, I'll end it here. Best of luck to everyone.
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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby chiaseed » 26 Oct 2016, 18:19

Just wanted to say-- I am a straight-ish woman who enjoyed anal sex before I had the fissure, didn't get the fissure from it, and have definitely not tried it since... but really miss it. I hope when I'm healed I can do it again. Curious to hear from others!
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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby Savaici » 26 Oct 2016, 20:58

Not true about dilation, jondoe. Do read Suzyljank's posts as to how she had to dilate after her double flap surgery as per her excellent CRS's 'orders' and this is ongoing for her to prevent stenosis.

Also, gradual dilation with gradual increase in the dilators was the only thing that worked for me (I did not and cannot have surgery). Took quite a long time but I now no longer have the agony of constant spasms.

And most of us on here suffer from a surfeit of "common sense". :cheers:
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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby chiaseed » 01 Dec 2016, 16:22

So, things seem calmer with my rear, and I've decided to start dilating to work towards anal sex again.
I'm using a nice combo lube (water and silicon) and I just ordered this dilator set: https://www.vaginismus.com/products/vag ... lator-set/

The other sets I saw - anal dilators or uterine dilators - only go up to 3/4 inch circumference. These looked nice because of the gradual transition, and bc they have that rounded tip - you can just hold that at whatever width works. I also didn't want something with more of a buttplug shape, where the end is wider than the stem.

wish me luck.. .
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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby jondoe » 09 Jan 2019, 01:58

Savaici wrote:Not true about dilation, jondoe. Do read Suzyljank's posts as to how she had to dilate after her double flap surgery as per her excellent CRS's 'orders' and this is ongoing for her to prevent stenosis.

Also, gradual dilation with gradual increase in the dilators was the only thing that worked for me (I did not and cannot have surgery). Took quite a long time but I now no longer have the agony of constant spasms.

And most of us on here suffer from a surfeit of "common sense". :cheers:


Good to know, at the time I was worried that people might make it worse by dilating but as mentioned I'm no doctor-you're right I was just using common sense which can sometimes be incorrect.

I'm really happy to report to everyone here that my AF has healed almost completely, I'd say 99%. I have a small half-inch or so split in the region but the bleeding stopped around Sept 2017 though I still had some pain till early 2018.

Then the pain pretty much ended except for some rare occasions but it was not serious and sometimes barely noticeable. For all intents/purposes, I am fully healed up.

Be forewarned my post is long so skip it if you're don't like to read a wall of text. :)

This was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. I wish I had gotten the surgery at the time but as I mentioned in the post I was in the process of moving, I'm in a new place now.

I was very glad to find this site a couple of years ago and gain from other people's wisdom when I was going through it. It was a scary experience because you think you'll never be well again and the pain was torturous.

I really just wanted to come back today to let those people who are still suffering through this that there's light at the end of the tunnel (pardon the pun). In my case, I ate foods that prevented constipation and yes I did dilate also.

So after I felt I had somewhat healed and the bleeding stopped, I began dilating and at first, it was painful but I found that the area was able to relax more and I think it really helped me to heal more.

About 6 months ago I might've been afraid of tearing the region but today I feel almost as good as new or before I got the AF. But I'm still very careful in how I deal with that area and I always pay attention to my body and never push myself too far.

I wish I didn't have the slit but for now, it seems pointless to get surgery just to get rid of it because of the risk I could make it worse and to have to go through the pain in that area. Since I'm already healed up, why put myself in that situation all over again?

I might do that in the future, I'll consult a surgeon at that point. But for now, I'm fine as I am. Words can't describe the sadness, fear, terror, and pain I went through. I was hoping that one day this experience would be in my rear-view mirror and now it is.

One time when it was still an open wound I foolishly applied Prep H, which left me in a lot of pain. I didn't realize at the time that the prep H was responsible or I would've washed it off sooner.

I used it for the swelling and to aid in the healing but of course, it's a topical and never meant to be put in a wounded area (so it's not the drug's fault, but mine). I learned my lesson. Anyways I took otc pain-killers like Advil and Tylenol which were excellent for dulling and eliminating the pain. Also I think Anusol was much better for me and didn't trigger pain like the Prep H did.

I'm going to pass along some tips that worked for me so that others suffering through it can benefit in some way. So I know some people use toilet-paper for cleaning themselves, I've always used water and made sure the area was thoroughly rinsed. Then I'd take a shower right after without fail every day.

So by keeping the area very clean, I ensured that it didn't get infected. I did experience one infection in 2017, took antibiotics and ofc I was fine. I know my body well enough to know when it was normal AF pain or due to an infection-which is actually even more painful and longer lasting, the area becomes more sensitive.

Then as mentioned above, once the bleeding totally stopped and the pain mostly went away, then I began dilating about a month or two after. I started with something small and slowly used something a little bigger.

So in summary, you can help your AF heal on its own if you adjust your diet to deal with constipation (include more fruits/vegs, legumes), cleanliness-washing religiously/showering daily, using pain meds and then once you feel ready you can do the dilation.

Actually now I hate missing my shower since I like to go to bed feeling clean. Also, I'd advise switching from toilet-paper which can cause AF or worsen it (based on other people's experience) due to the roughness on the skin, to cleaning yourself with water.

I've heard that sitting in a tub of warm water also helps relax the region. But in my experience, it's fine if you don't though I did it in the beginning and it did help soothe the pain but what ended up healing me were the tips I suggested.

Sorry for the long post and any repetition. I barely ever post here but I just wanted to pass on this info and hopefully, at least some of my advice might help someone in the same situation.

Lastly, I'd recommend getting the same surgery I was planning to get if you have a couple of free months to heal up. In fact, I read it had a 97-99% success rate from a different source than what I originally posted.

Of course, any surgery does come with risk and the fear of complications made me think twice, to see if I can fix it on my own, but also I simply didn't have time for it back in 2017.

If I didn't have to move then I would've done it for sure because I was desperate for a solution at the time. Today I'm fine so I don't want to take any unnecessary risks by going under the knife if I don't have to.

So I just want to wish everyone who's going through it all the best and I think if you use my suggestions it might also work for you but you have to be disciplined and stick to it (obviously also consult a medical professional as I'm just a layperson).

I suffered from the AF for about 4 years but now I can finally say thank goodness it's over for me and I can carry on with my life without worrying about it anymore.
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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby jondoe » 10 Jan 2019, 03:22

chiaseed wrote:Just wanted to say-- I am a straight-ish woman who enjoyed anal sex before I had the fissure, didn't get the fissure from it, and have definitely not tried it since... but really miss it. I hope when I'm healed I can do it again. Curious to hear from others!


Hi Chiaseed, same here I also enjoyed anal sex (AS) before the AF and I'd say that I'm bisexual. I haven't had any AS since I got the AF and I would've never risked it when it hadn't healed up, I'm sure it would've gotten worse.

I'm doing great now, it's pretty much healed up as I mentioned in my last post. It's not perfect but I don't see a reason to have surgery and risk complications or put myself in the same boat again. I am still very curious about what a surgeon would recommend though so I'll see one when I find time to get a prof opinion.

But to sum up, my bleeding stopped late 2017 and the pain ended early 2018. So then I knew I was effectively healed. I've dilated the area and I think it made it feel just like it used to before I had the AF.

Today I have no fear of having AS again, I have no doubt I can easily handle it. Though I'd still be careful not to re-injure the area. But I think that's pretty unlikely as I've dilated and know how much I can stretch myself, which is about as much as I used to do before the AF happened. And for me, like in your case, my AF was not caused by anal sex.

Since it's been about 2 years since your post I really hope you have healed up also as I have. It's so nice to be normal again and not have that pain or fear it causes anymore.

I rarely ever come to this site and I might not return again now that my problem is resolved but as before I truly wish everyone well and hope they find healing as I did.

I just came back to report on my experience and pass along my advice so they can find a way out of this too if what they tried didn't work for them.
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Re: Anal Sex?

Postby chic » 07 Feb 2019, 14:45

Lord's dilation was successful, but got a bad rap because there was no control (I think they use 4 fingers, but some are definitely bigger than others); it was also done too quickly (using anesthesia). Doing it gradually at home should work for most people, but the doctors don't like not making money (they now prefer surgery over a conservative Lord's dilation). Many people use dilators for pleasure without incontinence. I hope it helps those who need it.
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