Bleeding fissure = fear=more anxiety and depression

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Bleeding fissure = fear=more anxiety and depression

Postby Manitourose » 21 Nov 2015, 08:35

Hi all --

I'm at struggling lately. About 3 or 4 weeks ago my fissure bled again. Since it's been on and off, and this week every other day it seems like. If I look I can see the fissure just inside and in the posterior position. (Meanwhile my brain assumes other diseases and never living life normal ever again) ;-)

As a recap, I am 37, never overweight and eat extremely well. I had a fistulotomy in June of 2014 for a simple fistula that came out of nowhere. I saw 2 CRS's during that time, 1 regular doc for surgical follow up and 1 other CRS 5 months after surgery in Oct 2014 when I 1st was diagnosed with a fissure but fistula had healed fine. I have moved a lot and had to change insurances hence the pocketful of doctors.

To sum up in the last 1.5 years: 4 rectal exams, 2 anoscopes, 1 rigid sigmoidoscopy (before fistula dx and only revealed hypertrophied palpillae). No fissure was noted until 5 months after my fistulotomy.

After the diagnosis in late Oct 2014 of the deep internal fissure I followed instructions for diltazem and more or less seemed to heal. I never had but very occasional bleeding, a spot if that then. I noticed in July a mild retear, again nothing much, then this October I began to fall apart again. However, my anxiety and depression and IBS also have been at their worst as well.

I am using Miralax as well as suggested by many on here and taking a probiotic. The probiotic seemed to settle the IBS a bit, but I still occasionally wake with stomach cramps or develop them after eating. I have never had hard stools and go 1-3x a day, though I struggle on and off with difficult stools... a strain almost to start... which I suspect is the suspect in the fissure development. Often I feel so tense when I wake, like sleep doesn't even settle my nerves.

I am seeing a good PCP and see him again Monday and will ask for a referral to a CRS and gastro. I see a psychiatrist Tuesday and I see a therapist. The OBGYN put me on a lower dose of estrogen based birth control to help with my moods. I do everything I am supposed to, rest, water, baths, eating well, the cream I have left... all daily. Yet this week I am falling apart emotionally about this, I worry what is going on, why do I have this post-fistula.. is it scar tissue ??Though the last CRS said she could see the scar had healed fine and seemed to indicate the fissure was in a different spot.

My fiancé has seen me through a lot with this but I don't think he knows what to say anymore other than I need to learn to get over it and deal with it. Which leaves me feeling more alone!
I am just so overwhelmed. I know with this active IBS they may also want to do more tests even though no doctor yet has felt it is Crohn's or Colitis, etc. I am just emotionally so wiped out and SCARED, perhaps more scared that I just can't cope with everything. Particularly when I see blood, I just fall apart. I feel as if somehow it's my fault and I see a setback. I blame my inability to adjust to living where we moved to, my health worries, anxiety and new depression. I don't think I have ever felt this "low". I am obviously seeking help everywhere I can but this journey and condition has me feeling so ashamed, alone and angry.

Not sure what I am asking here. Perhaps rather I am venting, it's been that sort of week and disappointing BM morning. :(
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Re: Bleeding fissure = fear=more anxiety and depression

Postby owmybum » 21 Nov 2015, 14:41

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I've been there myself numerous times over the last few years. It's a long, exhausting, emotional struggle.... And it's so hard for other people to get how much of an affect it really has living with chronic rectal pain.

You are already doing everything you possibly can to help yourself, so don't be hard on yourself when there's blood or extra pain. Like my CRS said, the anal area is very vascular, and a bit of blood is nothing to worry about... Just like when you brush your teeth and your gums can sometimes bleed. I've learned not to panic at the sight of blood any more.... There was a time when I virtually passed out on the spot if I saw the tiniest drop on the TP.

Huge virtual hug sweetie

OMB xx
fissure after hem banding and tag removal feb 11
Pelvic floor therapy
Diltiazem
Botox June 13
Nitro
Internal flap July 14
EUA and polyps removed Nov 14
Diagnosed with neuropathy Jan 15
Diagnosed with HS EDS type 3 (causes poor wound healing )
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