I'm at struggling lately. About 3 or 4 weeks ago my fissure bled again. Since it's been on and off, and this week every other day it seems like. If I look I can see the fissure just inside and in the posterior position. (Meanwhile my brain assumes other diseases and never living life normal ever again) ;-)
As a recap, I am 37, never overweight and eat extremely well. I had a fistulotomy in June of 2014 for a simple fistula that came out of nowhere. I saw 2 CRS's during that time, 1 regular doc for surgical follow up and 1 other CRS 5 months after surgery in Oct 2014 when I 1st was diagnosed with a fissure but fistula had healed fine. I have moved a lot and had to change insurances hence the pocketful of doctors.
To sum up in the last 1.5 years: 4 rectal exams, 2 anoscopes, 1 rigid sigmoidoscopy (before fistula dx and only revealed hypertrophied palpillae). No fissure was noted until 5 months after my fistulotomy.
After the diagnosis in late Oct 2014 of the deep internal fissure I followed instructions for diltazem and more or less seemed to heal. I never had but very occasional bleeding, a spot if that then. I noticed in July a mild retear, again nothing much, then this October I began to fall apart again. However, my anxiety and depression and IBS also have been at their worst as well.
I am using Miralax as well as suggested by many on here and taking a probiotic. The probiotic seemed to settle the IBS a bit, but I still occasionally wake with stomach cramps or develop them after eating. I have never had hard stools and go 1-3x a day, though I struggle on and off with difficult stools... a strain almost to start... which I suspect is the suspect in the fissure development. Often I feel so tense when I wake, like sleep doesn't even settle my nerves.
I am seeing a good PCP and see him again Monday and will ask for a referral to a CRS and gastro. I see a psychiatrist Tuesday and I see a therapist. The OBGYN put me on a lower dose of estrogen based birth control to help with my moods. I do everything I am supposed to, rest, water, baths, eating well, the cream I have left... all daily. Yet this week I am falling apart emotionally about this, I worry what is going on, why do I have this post-fistula.. is it scar tissue ??Though the last CRS said she could see the scar had healed fine and seemed to indicate the fissure was in a different spot.
My fiancé has seen me through a lot with this but I don't think he knows what to say anymore other than I need to learn to get over it and deal with it. Which leaves me feeling more alone!
I am just so overwhelmed. I know with this active IBS they may also want to do more tests even though no doctor yet has felt it is Crohn's or Colitis, etc. I am just emotionally so wiped out and SCARED, perhaps more scared that I just can't cope with everything. Particularly when I see blood, I just fall apart. I feel as if somehow it's my fault and I see a setback. I blame my inability to adjust to living where we moved to, my health worries, anxiety and new depression. I don't think I have ever felt this "low". I am obviously seeking help everywhere I can but this journey and condition has me feeling so ashamed, alone and angry.
Not sure what I am asking here. Perhaps rather I am venting, it's been that sort of week and disappointing BM morning.
