Hi everyone,
Just wanted to share my story as I often found comfort in reading other success stories whilst I was in a bad spot, and to let people know no matter how bad it feels at the time that it does get better.
So really I suffered in silence for a good four years, I was so afraid of discussing my fissure with anyone that I for some reason just accepted the daily pain that went with having the condition. Then comes university, and I realise that enough was enough and I needed to see someone. Over a few years, I tried various creams, ointments, laxatives, dietary changes and felt little to no benefit, probably due to the severity of the fissure.
So about two years ago I saw a colorectal surgeon in the UK, who recommended that botox was not likely to help the chronic fissure and recommended LIS. I was prepared to do anything and everything to get healed and so I agreed to whatever he thought was necessary.
My pain on a scale of 1-10 during a bowel movement was about an 8/9 at this point.
So the first surgery that he ended up performing was an advancement flap surgery, instead of LIS (as he hoped this would be enough) and sentinel tag removal. Although this made my bum look a lot more normal, my fissure didn't heal and I was experiencing a lot of pain still (probably an 8/10).
So I was back to nitroglycerin ointment for the time being until a few months had passed and the colorectal surgeon then recommended LIS, who assured me that this would be it and I would be pain free in a few weeks. The surgery went fine, however what they don't always discuss when talking about post-surgery care is how much opioid medication can induce significant constipation. As a result, I couldn't pass stool for 6 days after LIS surgery - which caused additional fissures to form in pain I can only describe as being close to childbirth. However, weeks passed, and the pain definitely got better - and decreased to about a 3/10 on good days.
Unfortunately, that familiar stinging feeling never went away and after 3 months I was so frustrated. Although the chronic fissure had healed, I now had two new fissures to deal with. At this point, I really felt hopeless - that I was somehow that 2% that didn't fully heal from LIS.
I decided to see a new CRS, as I felt a second opinion would be helpful and would re-assure me. He recommended botox, but when I told him about my history and asked about what options would be beyond this, he said there was nothing more he could try - which devastated me.
So I went in for botox, which I barely noticed any post-surgery pain from (in comparison to advancement flap and LIS), and saw great improvements in pain score over 6 weeks (down to 0.5/10 at the best point). But again, there was always that ever so slight sting that would remain. Eventually as the botox wore off, the pain slowly increased to a 1, 2 and then seemed to stay at about a 3 after this.
At this point I had just started a postgraduate research course (which you don't really get formal holidays/sick days for) and I felt so hopeless that I would be stuck with this forever.
But I kept trying different ointments; applying nitroglycerine twice a day for 6 weeks (then stopping), then tried sudocrem and finally proctogesic. Day by day, lubricating before bowel movements with vaseline and making sure everything was clean after, the pain got better.
Eventually, I got to a point where I could try anal dilation. I think this was the real solution to my fissure. I just applied some proctogesic and vaseline to my finger and massaged the outside and then gently inside, every day.
Today is the first day where I can say I am pain free. It feels amazing!
For everyone still going through it - I understand how you feel and how it can feel like there is no end to the pain. I think for some reason I always thought that it could be 'cured', and that after a surgery I would magically feel better.
What I have come to realise is that for all of you suffering from a chronic fissure, maybe try and think of it as a long term journey.
For example, my journey over time went something like this:
(Pain score out of 10)
Advancement flap: 8/10 (2 years ago)
LIS: 5/10 (0.75 years ago)
Botox: 1/10 (4 months ago)
Conservative measures (ointments/laxatives): 0.5/10
Anal dilation: 0/10!
I would just like to let you know that if you are suffering, there is an end to the pain, no matter how hopeless it feels at times, and there are always more options to try!
And thank you to all of you who have shared your stories on here, it has helped more than I can ever describe.