Dang, my mood is low. If you'd seen my other LIS recovery diary, you'd've seen that it was smooth sailing.
I thought it was only gonna get better. Now one month after my surgery, I'm fearing that I had a re-tear. I saw the surgeon for a followup a couple weeks ago and he said it looked the the fissure was healed and that there were just a small "teardrop" wound still healing near the incision.
I'd been concerned that 40-50% of the time when I'd go to the bathroom I'd see a little bit of blood on top of the stool. He thought it could be from that tiny healing area.
Then just 4 days ago I had a BM that required a bit of pushing to pass and I was nervous. Looked back and the stool looked fine but then the toilet paper had a lot of red blood on it. I got depressed. Took a photo with my phone and it looks it was coming from the 12'oclock position (where i had the fissure).
Started back up with sitz baths hoping to resolve it. Got more religious about drinking water to keep stool easy. Then today I passed a large but easy BM and noticed quite a bit of blood in the bowl. I actually squat on the seat so I can see the whole process. The stool passes and then drops of blood fall into the bowl at the end.
I called the surgeon's office and a nurse will call back but I'm super frustrated because I did the surgery a month ago because I'm moving cross country this weekend and will basically never see the surgeon again. Of course he's not working today or tomorrow before I have to leave. Also, I hit my high deductible ($1800) with this surgery but that brand of insurance is only in my current state. When I move to my new state I have to get a new plan and essentially start over at $0. So I'm extra mad that I spent a huge chunk of my savings to "get this over with before a stressful move" as the surgeon said and now here I am a little over a month out thinking I've undone whatever healing the surgery did with just ONE strained BM. I was hoping my anus would be strong enough to handle a little pushing.
Dang. I seriously can't stop thinking about how expensive this was. Luckily I don't have any pain. But I also kinda never had the classic fissure pain when going to the bathroom before surgery. I gotta go take some deep breaths. Feeling super stressed.