by fissure_be_gone » 29 May 2018, 07:08
Hey all,
I'm a 28 year old male chronic AF sufferer. I've been dealing with this things since my mid-teens. Starting out as acute little 'shits' that came for a couple of days but could be easily dealt with by using your standard OTC hemorrhoid creams, baths and going easy on the paper wiping.
I first went to the GP about my AF when I was about 18 as I started seeing quite a bit of blood with BM's.
The were on and off for the following 9 years, until early last year when I got my first taste of the chronic.
I knew that this time it wasn't healing in the same way, I tried a lot of OTC stuff, kept the stool soft, drank water, exercised, kept it clean, bathed to stop spasm etc. It just wasn't healing - back to the GP this was around January this year (having suffered with this one for around 7 months before going).
This GP was female, very stern and typical of GP. Did give a digital exam but I'd noticed a sort of 'bump' had formed at the opening of the bottom of my anus. I anticipated this was probably a tag or haemorrhoid forming but didn't think to mention it when I was at the appointment.
I was prescribed GTN - was getting headaches but used it for 2 weeks as was determined to heal. Thought I'd healed. Went back to old bad habits, CAF came back around a week later.
Tried GTN again - was getting bad headaches... Didn't stick with it properly.
Went onto a journey into intense stress and anxiety. Started getting anxiety around the prospect of cancer because it wasn't healing and I had this 'bump' that may have been missed.
Tried EVERYTHING I could find online to help healing. Coconut oil (didn't work), expensive suppositories and oils from Amazon (didn't work), bath salts (tend to use these after exercise anyway but don't do anything for AF).
2 things I have found helpful (but not healing) in this time:
1. Buying a heat pad.
2. Raising my knees whilst passing a BM (since doing this I haven't seen blood since). - Would love a squatty potty but family won't have it so I just use a metal bin we have in the bathroom, which is amazingly the right height for me to get my hips properly aligned to not strain.
I've noticed there is a definite connection between the onset of feeling pain/itchness/any sensation and mental prompting. I wake up and it's the first thing on my mind, thus causing tension, thus bringing the AF under tension... If I get a sensation I become obsessive over it and compulsively try to take action to do whatever I can to fix it.
I generally handle 'stress' in what would seem externally well; but internally I have gradually started noticing tensions in my body - and guess where is clearly tense a lot?
Definitely not helpful that I still have the thought lurking in my mind this could be cancer. I'm living my life thinking that when I see the specialist I'm going to be told that it's all over for me.
Since before AF, I'm pretty into meditation and I notice that compulsive trap, but I still find it very difficult to break from it. From what I notice stress/anxiety and AF are best friends.
Regarding BM, never go more than a day without a movement. Pretty healthy stools. Was noticing that stools were quite often hard; have since realised that my body naturally needs to go twice a day to keep stools soft (this is a GAME CHANGER: I've always wondered why my stools are large and hard when I eat fibre, exercise, drink water etc. It's because I'd trained my body to go only once a day, but that meant for me the stools were in the colon too long. Not had a bad stool in any way since going twice a day.)
I went through a stage of taking prescribed laxatives or stools softeners just in case, but as you can probably tell; I really don't need them.
So, I went back to the GP last month. This time I got a male GP I thought was really efficient. He asked me A LOT of questions, did the digital exam, seemed to take his time with it and properly examine the area. I still hadn't mentioned the 'bump' and he didn't either, but when he did the digital he asked where it hurt and I said at the back and he said that was what I said last time too. I can actually feel the fissure running down from the bump when I apply the GTN.
He has referred me to the specialist and said he was going to order I am checked out for inflammation / potential crohn's as I've been suffering with them for so long. He also gave me some more GTN and said to use it as it's the best they can prescribe.
Yesterday was a really bad day on GTN - headache completely took over, probably as it's really humid here at the moment. Have since halved the amount I am applying and no headaches now. Think there's still enough for it to do its job. If this is the case - the recommended dose is a huge overdose!
Specialist appointment is 2nd week of AUGUST (f****** NHS!) And I don't really want to talk with ANYBODY about this, so I'm on the forum - and I'm a very active user of forums so I will ensure I keep my journey updated. I just need to speak with somebody about this now, August is too far away...
"Who alone suffers suffers most i' the mind" - Shakespeare
If this heals, I suppose it's been a great journey of getting to know exactly what my body needs. So, if I heal, I'm kind of grateful for it as it should bring me vitality from what I've learnt... Let's hope!
Current strategy:
- Try not to let myself get into compulsiveness of sensation > attention. Recognise the sensation, let it pass and (for lack of better word:) distract.
- Continue raising knees when moving bowel.
- Continue BM's twice a day when feels like I need to go (seems to be morning - late afternoon).
- Use GTN twice a day with 'pea sized' amount to prevent headaches.
Otherwise practising a healthy diet, drinking water and exercising anyway.